Not Losing Hope!

[Sandy74]

I started to get frustrated when I came here and realized how much work you have to put into being a woman as a man and I have slowly realized that it is worth the wait and the time in it. I look at so many transgender woman that are on the forums here and the internet and I realize that if they can do it I can do it and I just have to be patient.

I dream everyday that someday that I will just wake up one morning and be a complete woman, breasts and Vagina and all, of course its just a dream but I love that feeling and wanting to be that way.

I don't regret being this way and even though I am 41 years old its not too late to make the transition and if I die of an old age and I finally get the surgery to change my sex then so be it and I will die a happy woman. I have also realized that I can still be a woman even if I am still a FT man. Its all in your head and how you feel or at least that is what I have picked up.

I start to get depressed thinking that I can never do it and the only person that can prevent me from taking that path is me and that is it, nobody else can stop me.

[CarlyMcx]

I've seen your posts here and there around the forums.  Know that I support you in whatever you decide to do.  I am taking baby steps toward girlhood myself, primarily in order to keep my marriage intact.

That said, I have been writing science fiction as a hobby for years, and a while back I started mulling the "what if I woke up as a beautiful girl?" scenario.

The answer to that question is, if a cop stops you you will probably be arrested for identity theft, and then investigated for murder, because the old you very suddenly disappeared and the new you is in possession of his ID and looks nothing like him.

The second thing that will happen if you suddenly turn up as a beautiful girl is, a lot of guys you meet will make passes at you in ways that you are not emotionally equipped to deal with.

The point I am trying to make is that a gradual transition is a good thing, because it gives the environment around you time to adjust, as much as it gives you time to adjust to living in your environment.

BTW you look awfully good for 41.  I thought you were in your twenties.

[Aazhie]

the only person that can prevent me from taking that path is me and that is it, nobody else can stop me.

You are very right on all points, Sandy!  It's so much work, everyday sometimes.  But baby steps are great!  I was just reading a really excellent comic on how to take small, varied steps on transitioning, or even-being true to oneself.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/09/its-not-a-race/

I love this comic so much- and this kind of viewpoint helped me realize I can be FTM and cross dress as much as I like and it's still part of my gender expression.  Nothing wrong with beard AND lipstick if that is your thing.  Nothing wrong with shaving- just to see what it feels like! You can pretty much customize  a little each day. You will always be a beautiful lady to you and there will always be people who will respect that.  Do your best to not get too down, but sometimes being upset or sad can help us realize important things.  As long as you aren't getting bogged down or paralyzed by depression or anxiety, you can use them to motivate yourself to try new things.  I have also seen your posts around and it seems like you've got a really reasonable view of how you feel and the challenges you may face. 

I can completely sympathize with your dreams too- I used to fervently wish i had just been born and raised male, no confusing gender issues. Truly, I would have a lot less anxiety, disphoria and probably a lot less nights of crying to sleep.  But I also would have been and become and ENTIRELY different person.  Aside from a few things, I am mostly content with myself and working on improving the things I do not enjoy as much, or learning to accept them. It feels that is a very powerful journey. 
Life for any living thing is a lot of struggle and the things that hurt us can make us stronger.  The same goes for emotions. Muscle tissue has to be damaged for your muscles to actually grow.  It helps me a lot to remember that, especially when people I am already upset with misgender me.  I guess my point is, sadness and suffering can be pointless, or they can help you if you can harness that feeling and roll with it.  We have experienced things many people can't even fathom.  Even if we lived in a mostly perfect world where no one hated transgender people, we would still have to experience a lot of the common feelings of disphoria and discovering ourselves. 

[stephaniec]

there is always hope , I'm on the edge of the eternal abyss , but I'm as happy as a bumble bee in sun flower farm