Help me please! Complex issue.

[Rejennyrated]

i cant say i think of myself as 100% female. It is more like 70% female and 30% male.

By the way, is it normal, that i feel relief and i am more sensitive? I am much more relaxed today and i dont feel anxious at all. I havent felt this good for years.

That all sounds very normal - most people are a blend - the point is the majority vote is female.

I'd actually say I'm 60/40 but I still think of myself as female on balance and I have no doubt that SRS was the right thing to do for me. Of course I have the luxury of being 30 years after it so I know it gave me what I wanted.

Sounds like you've answered your own question in a way - and yes I would say relief is normal - you are now in control - people forget that you cannot steer a stationary vehicle, so to remain in control one must continue to make progress in a chosen direction. It sounds as though you have.

[Unsure]

Hi!!!

May I ask HOW you defined yourself when you came out to your mom? When I did it myself, I told her I had a "condition" called Gender Dysphoria, or Harry Benjamin syndrome. That's all I THOUGHT I knew about my "problem". I didn't even know that I actually was an MTF transsexual, even though when I told her I had already been of HRT for more than two years, and already had an orchi and t-shave, which I had performed on a week when they went away on vacation!

But my real point is, and I don't want to be negative by any means, that when I just told my mother, crying, she didn't know how to react and she hugged me in disbelief. Then (and I have to mention that she is a Catholic zealot) she went a couple of days later and she spoke with an UNUSUALLY OPEN-MINDED AND YOUNG Catholic priest about my "condition". Of course this guy was smart, surprisingly informed about gender dysphoria, and he advised my mother very well, on how to deal with me and my situation. So she came back from visiting him, and showed understanding and interest in helping me continue with my transition. And I was on top of the world.

But then, like a couple of weeks later, she and dad went to Catholic mass together, and had a long talk with a more "traditional" older, super close-minded Catholic priest, the type that says this stupid outdated ignorant phrase as a mantra all the time "God doesn't make mistakes", and suddenly, mom and dad, that same evening, had a go at me and said that everything I was doing by "changing my body in an ungodly way" was wrong, they repeated over and over the depressing phrase I mentioned, and, long story short, everything the INTELLIGENT open-minded younger priest told my mother, went right down the drain.

From that point on, they have opposed my transition and have never ever treated me as female, not even once, and mother says that all I've done regarding transition, is "ungodly" because I should have "consulted with God first" before changing my body etc.

Long story short, my mother's reaction was awesome at first, but less than a week later there was a 180-degree change in her mindset and now she even blames me for ruining her life emotionally, etc. but her guilt-trip will not stop me from transitioning, since for me it is either become female or die, that simple. BTW she uses this trick with my other siblings as well, when she doesn't agree with something they do (like when one of my siblings got married recently, without doing it in a Catholic ceremony).

I told you my personal experience just to brace yourself in case your parents may be even a tad bit similar to mine. Be prepared for a possible sudden change of heart from them. If it does happen, you know  where to go, to seek for REAL support (places like here at Susan's and other TG-friendly places or support groups, where you will have friendly and understanding advice or opinions, from people going through very similar ordeals).

That's all I wanted to share. I have to tell you though, that in spite of the endless battle with my folks and even my siblings to a lesser degree, and some part of society that is close minded as well, I am doing WAY BETTER NOW than before I started transitioning. Anger and hate are almost completely gone. Things like road rage, cursing frequently, being bothered easily by lots of things, are almost completely non-existent issues for me now. Yes I still have some depression and extreme frustration episodes but the fact that I am no longer an angry person is really awesome. And I can be me as well, without being ashamed of it like I was before!!!

Good luck with WHATEVER you decide to do! And always aim for being happy and at peace with yourself, because when you achieve those things, even close-minded folks start seeing that positivity and happiness aura in your whole being, and even if their outdated stigmas fight against it, they start realizing you are actually a nicer person than before, because now you are your real self.

Sorry for the long text. I just cannot help myself when I get a bit emotional. Have a great day!

Cheers

Bibi B.

Hello! I am sorry to hear it didnt go well for you. I am so glad i am not from religious family. "If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religions."

The coming out was quite simple. I told my mom i would like to speak to her and we came to my room, i sat her down on a chair and made myself comfortable on the bed. Then i started conversation and it went out like this:
Me: "Let me ask you, what do you want for me in life?"
Her: "I want you to be independent and live your own life."
Me: "Okay, that is not what i meant. Do you wish me to be happy in life?"
Her: "Of course i do."
Me: "Do you remember the depression i told you about several times?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "What if i told you, i have been unhappy nearly my whole life, because i am not my true self?"
Her: "What does that mean?"
Me: "Let me ask you a question to give you a clue. What would my name be, if i was born as a girl?"
Her: "Hmm, i cant remember. That is very long time ago, you have to ask your father."
Me: "Do you understand where this leads?"
Her: "I am not sure, are you trying to tell me you feel like a woman?"
Me: "Well yes, i am feeling this way since i was around 3 years old."
Then i continued talking and explaining the situation. There were some unpleasant moments (for example her saying: "You have chosen to be born this way, you are a boy." But i gave her very strong response and then she even said she is sorry for saying that.). After we clarified everything, she told me: "I feel like crying, i cant imagine you had to be living like that for all these years. I want to hug you." So we hugged and after little more talking both of us went to do our own stuff.

I agree, it will take time for both of us to get used to it. But i dont see that as a problem. It doesnt matter how i look or dress like, i will still be the same person. I think she will understand that sooner or later and it should be fine. I am only unsure, when is the right time to show her my girl-self (like dressed up and everything).

By the way, i still have to tell my father and i dont know how am i going to do that. I am not worried about his response, he seems to be tolerant person and he claimed he will always love me in the past. I just have to wait for the right moment. We havent seen each other for around 4 months and i really dont feel like coming to him and saying: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are my father, i am not your son, i am your daughter."

I really hope your situation will get better. If not, you can always start your own family and live a happy life as you deserve! 

[Missy D]

Coming out was even easier for me!! I got (very, very  ) drunk and tripped over a little wall. Like one of those silly walls they seem to build outside clubs? Just why?

Anyway I fell down and cut my lip; getting blood all over my, get this girls, sexy college professor style tweedy jacket. I was such crap at pretending to be a bloke - I just was woefully inadequate in how I did everything. Like dressing up as Robert Langdon was a cool idea, apparently in Missy's head it was, for a twenty something in full make-up and hairspray. Seriously I thought it was normal to wander round in boy's clothes complete with caked on Pan-Stik and blusher.

That's not the point. I ended the night in the arms of a paramedic. They called my dad and he said: "There had better be a good explanation for this"

I was crying, and bleeding from the mouth, and drunk and stinking of cigarettes and I said "You're not going to believe this, but there really is..."

He's still on the path to acceptance. Mum went through the whole Denial-Argument-Anger-Acceptance thing with female efficiency and now we buy each other jewellery and stuff.

Unconditional love, which is the prerogative of the good parent, doesn't care about gender. When the butterfly emerges from the cracked and exhausted cocoon, she brings with her such happiness and positive energy that any parent should be able to respond - to it if nothing else.

Otherwise we end up with the weird contract: You have a child, still, and the choice between a dead (I tried) son and very frightened daughter. Thankfully they went for the latter. 

[Unsure]

Coming out was even easier for me!! I got (very, very  ) drunk and tripped over a little wall. Like one of those silly walls they seem to build outside clubs? Just why?

Anyway I fell down and cut my lip; getting blood all over my, get this girls, sexy college professor style tweedy jacket. I was such crap at pretending to be a bloke - I just was woefully inadequate in how I did everything. Like dressing up as Robert Langdon was a cool idea, apparently in Missy's head it was, for a twenty something in full make-up and hairspray. Seriously I thought it was normal to wander round in boy's clothes complete with caked on Pan-Stik and blusher.

That's not the point. I ended the night in the arms of a paramedic. They called my dad and he said: "There had better be a good explanation for this"

I was crying, and bleeding from the mouth, and drunk and stinking of cigarettes and I said "You're not going to believe this, but there really is..."

He's still on the path to acceptance. Mum went through the whole Denial-Argument-Anger-Acceptance thing with female efficiency and now we buy each other jewellery and stuff.

Unconditional love, which is the prerogative of the good parent, doesn't care about gender. When the butterfly emerges from the cracked and exhausted cocoon, she brings with her such happiness and positive energy that any parent should be able to respond - to it if nothing else.

Otherwise we end up with the weird contract: You have a child, still, and the choice between a dead (I tried) son and very frightened daughter. Thankfully they went for the latter. 

Hey! I am glad it worked out well for you! And i really like the butterfly metaphor. I hope we will both be beautiful butterflies one day (if you are not one already!).

About the contract...Same thing happened to me pretty much. I know i have to get everything right, else there is no point of living this life. I had so much urges to end my life, but i havent tried it (because i have a failproof method, that you can really try only once.). Right now i have that kind of attitude: "Become my real self to be happy, or die trying!". Best of luck to you and get well!