First time you were asked if gay?

[iKate]

I came out as "gay" 12 years ago as a 15 year old. It lets  me socialize with women and not be lumped in with men, so it has helped me deal with dysphoria a lot. Lately I've been having trouble dating because I can't handle the expectation that I'm supposed to be with a man sexually  *as* a man, though.  A lot of friends used female pronouns for me occasionally just because of the way I socialized as "gay". I still debate over whether I might not just change my birth name and try to tough it out as an effeminate gay "man" (ugh) because as much as I wish I was pretty and got to wear dresses and all, it's mostly being forced to socialize with men and not women that upsets me.  I don't last five minutes as "one of the guys" but I can go for weeks without a major freak out over my body if I just ignore that and get treated as one of the girls by virtue of being "gay".  It's not ideal, but it lets me have normal female friendships, at least.

This is one of the major things I could never wrap my head around. I could never come out as a gay man because it would mean men are attracted to me as a man. I want them to be attracted to me as a woman, not a man.

[KatelynBG]

I agree with iKate.

[Serena]

Since i was in elementary school or even earlier than that... I never came out as gay because I never felt that it was the right label for me.

[enigmaticrorschach]

I'm constantly asked if I'm gay. its a daily thing that even complete strangers ask me. its gotten to the point the word lost its meaning to me and I just simply stare and say "what do you care if I am or not?" than just walk away. honestly I'm glad because I won't have to deal with a relationship

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[vihar_kitsune]

in highschool because i am a guy who hangs out with girls

[CarlyMcx]

I started getting called gay perjoratives in junior high, no matter how masculine I tried to be.  I think the first time I was asked honestly if I was gay was by a middle age guy I was doing part time work for.  I think I was about 23 at the time.  I had a girlfriend then and told him so.  I asked him why he thought that way and he said because I was soft spoken, not very assertive, not very masculine.

If only I had grown up in today's society, with a better set of parents.  If only.

[Yakayla]

Towards the end of high school I got bombard with people questioning my sexuality. My mom, sister, and best friend, because I owned so many romance movies, dressed nice all the time, and took an hour to get ready. And then then all my guy friends would tell me not to act gay or wave like a girl. We had a pretty anti-gay area. People would spread rumors about someone being gay to bully them. They would lose all their friends and become isolated.

Today one of my co-workers said I think you might be gay. I ask asked him why and he said that I had a girly yawn. How on earth is a yawn girly? But anyways, I said I don't care and laughed. This used to make me pretty upset, but I really didn't care. I guess cause the only reason I have ever thought I might be gay, is because other people kept asking. And now I'm sure I'm straight. I don't really have a reason to get mad about it. It's not like I can just expect people to understand.

Odd thing afterwards though. He started getting a little touchy feelly, making stupid jokes, and I he started looking at me constantly. My friend was like, I think he likes you. I told her that he better watch out, my wife is the jealous type. lol

[takotsubo]

You talk with your hands and comment on a attractive womans outfit just a few dozen times and suddenly everyone assumes things.

I know, right!
Pretty much everyone I know have assumed I'm gay at some point. I think they will probably feel that a lot of things make more sense once I come out...

[victoriafrantic]

Within two hours of coming out to my sister she asked "are you sure ur not just gay"? Sorry, the spelling is hers, not mine.

I told her, no, that's not it. But I was thinking... well I like women so technically, I guess i am...

But I was teased and bullied a lot in high school. ->-bleeped-<-got, gay, I was called those things so often sometimes I think that might be my name.

[phoenix633]

One of her biggest things is she didn't want to be labeled a lesbian..  I told her it's a possibility that she may have to live with if she chooses to stay with me..  just don't want her to freak out..

It's hard to imagine a strait relationship of over 20 years will now be labeled lesbian..

Well yeah I guess some people might call it a lesbian relationship but it doesn't mean she is. I don't think most people are totally straight or totally gay. She will probably need to examine her sexuality a little and get comfortable explaining her identity to people otherwise they may assume lesbian. But she can always say no I'm not a lesbian. There are so many labels and the great thing is that you can find one that fits you. Some people use the terms straight flexible or homo flexible. Some use pan sexual (if you don't know it, just look it up. Basically means you don't use gender as a way to decide who you are attracted to, just depends on the person). But she won't be able to say she is totally straight if she sees you as a woman. So she could say, I'm mostly straight but occasionally makes exceptions. People who aren't totally gay can still be in "gay relationships". People who don't know you and your situation well they may assume but who cares what they think. If it's someone you know or are getting to know then you'll have to figure out how you explain her sexual orientation if it's important for them to know she isn't a lesbian.

Also, first time someone thought I was gay... I think I was about 10 when kids started calling me names. My parents also said when I was 13, you know if you are gay we will love and accept us and you can tell us. My family always made comments like come on we know you are gay. I was a tom boy so I think most people just assumed I was a lesbian. At the time I hated it because when it was before I hit puberty and I didn't know who I was attracted to and didn't want people telling me what I was. And if I denied it they just acted like I was closeted. Also, whenever I thought of lesbians, even if I saw a butch adult lesbian I hated the idea because they had a female body and it would just freak me out to think of my body becoming that. I felt like I was a boy but no one knew what trans was and I seriously thought for a while that you could only be a trans woman or a butch lesbian but trans men didn't exist and couldn't be a thing. I don't know why, I guess just because I never heard of them.

[Jacqueline]

From Puberty till about 10 years ago.

It never really bothered me but I wasn't gay when performing my male life. The question just confused me.

So not till recently has that really gone away and then look what happens... 

Joanna

[Foxtran]

I was first asked if I was gay on the first day of high school, and until near the end of my Junior year when I got a girlfriend about %90 of my grade thought I was gay, and that is just my grade, a lot of people go to my high school so who knows how many people think i'm gay. I don't care though half of them are either jerks who think they own the world or baseball players who for the most part, and pardon my language, are huge dicks to everyone who doesn't play baseball. The rest of the people are either the "popular" kids and than the nerds which would be were I reside, and most of them know I want to be a girl and all of them are cool with it. So I guess until you start transitioning (or even partly through the process) being thought of as gay is gunna be a fact of life.

[Swayallday]

I was first asked if I was gay on the first day of high school, and until near the end of my Junior year when I got a girlfriend about %90 of my grade thought I was gay, and that is just my grade, a lot of people go to my high school so who knows how many people think i'm gay. I don't care though half of them are either jerks who think they own the world or baseball players who for the most part, and pardon my language, are huge dicks to everyone who doesn't play baseball. The rest of the people are either the "popular" kids and than the nerds which would be were I reside, and most of them know I want to be a girl and all of them are cool with it. So I guess until you start transitioning (or even partly through the process) being thought of as gay is gunna be a fact of life.

Yeah you're right
still lame