Told my manager/boss... (trigger warning)

[Butch2325]

So I went and told my manager/boss that I am transgender  and that I have my doctor apts so I can start my transition. What I got back from my manager I could hardly belive what they said. "I hope and pray for you that you will change your mind. I think you are doing it because of society. You art gaining anything from this and the hormones will mess with your head and then it will mess with your work. I can't stand her and tell you no you can't do it but I think you are wrong and that you should just not do it." Mind you here that their significant other had started  hormones and was transgender and stopped and never wants to seek of it agian. But I thought as a manager you shouldn't be able to say those things to your employee. They had me so pissed I couldn't think straight for the rest of my shift. Not to mention I went to school with their significant other and I can't even talk to this person about any of it either! They also won't call me by my preferred name since they don't like that I'm going through with my transition. I'm still pissed about how they handled this with me! So I ask has anyone else have this happen to them?
So I'm really upset.

[Call me Ray]

Where do you live and does your workplace have a non-discrimination policy in place? If your area has protections in place you might want to talk to HR about it because at the very least not calling you your preferred name could be creating a hostile work environment. HR should also have plans in place for how to deal with workplace transitions if it's a larger company.

[Butch2325]

I live in hanover pa. I work for a chain fast food restaurant who is founded and owned by a gay man. They are very open to the lgbtq community. Just some people only see the bad in things since they have seen other transitions fail.... still hurt though...

[Butch2325]

I am also newbe to this place I have worked there 8 days so I'm trying to get everyone to call me by one of my preferred names. But yea I understand it's hard at first but still it's respect. At least how I see it.

[aross1015]

Contact HR for the chain, what your manager said is unacceptable.  A manager should not bring their own personal feelings about trans people into this. 

[FTMax]

Contact HR for the chain, what your manager said is unacceptable.  A manager should not bring their own personal feelings about trans people into this.

Agree with this. If it's a chain type situation, there is probably a central HR office that you could call and speak with. They would also presumably be able to help you with transitioning in the work place. I'm not saying that anything you did was wrong, but this might not have played out the way it did if HR was involved from the beginning.

[Rachel]

Write down times, places location and what was said every time you speak to an employee of the store that has a disparaging remark. Speak to an HR representative and contact them on a regular planned basis.

My supervisor, the day after I told him I am trans and going on HRT came to my office. He shut the door and proceeded to say I will no longer think like an engineer. He gave specific examples of cis female employees that are unable to think logically due to (female) hormones. He went on for 30 or 40 minutes. I listened to him then went for a long walk ( May 16, 2013). I walked to the fish pond on Penn's campus next to where I work and feed the fish and thought. I concluded he was a bigoted ass hat ( has his head so far up his ass he wears it as a hat).

A little more than 2 years later, just after my evaluation, he said he still can not understand it but it does not matter. He said I am a model employee, a self starter, creative and an asset. He is now an ass hat under cover or he pulled his head out

[Butch2325]

Thanks everyone. Im not sure if I'm going to call hr yet or see how this levels out. I'm afraid if I call hr that it's going to make it hostile work environment for me or not. I think I'm also just hoping my manager will apologize about it. I am a push over too :/. I hate it because they are the same age as me and we'll it sucks. I managed a resturant before and even u know that's not how you respond or act to these types of things... I'm afraid they will find some reason to get rid of me and say that it's not due to the face I'm transgender.   I actually broke down today and cried asking why do people have to be so close minded and be stuck up ass hats about things.

[aross1015]

Thanks everyone. Im not sure if I'm going to call hr yet or see how this levels out. I'm afraid if I call hr that it's going to make it hostile work environment for me or not. I think I'm also just hoping my manager will apologize about it. I am a push over too :/. I hate it because they are the same age as me and we'll it sucks. I managed a resturant before and even u know that's not how you respond or act to these types of things... I'm afraid they will find some reason to get rid of me and say that it's not due to the face I'm transgender.   I actually broke down today and cried asking why do people have to be so close minded and be stuck up ass hats about things.

Trust me when I say that it's better to nip this in the bud now than down the line.  If you roll over it now it's not going to get any better, they are going to keep making the same mistakes (calling you wrong name/pronouns) and saying the same gross things.  Prepare what you are going to say in advance.  Go to the manager and tell her (?) why what she said was inappropriate for a coworker, much less manager to say and that you would appreciate her keeping it to herself in the future.  Say this evenly and politely.  Do not be aggressive or erratic.  Her reaction will tell you what your next step should be.  If she agrees that it was inappropriate and unprofessional, then you should take no further steps at that moment other than to document anything else that may happen.  If she reacts any other way, then you need to contact HR.

Don't be afraid of retaliation (actions that would make it a hostile work environment).  Most corporations have policies against retaliation and if you face retaliation for going to HR on your manager you would just need to contact the company HR again.  Keep documentation (dates, times, what happened, who did it, who was a witness, etc) of everything, even if it seems like something done innocently.  Additionally, to retaliation in the form of being fired, follow every policy to the letter.  Don't cut corners or shortcut anything.  If something is not allowed, don't do it, even if others do, because this can be used against you and you won't have a leg to stand on because you when against policy. 

[Stevie]

Sounds like it already is hostile. You need to let HR know before it too late.

[Muscle Matt]

Have a talk to your manager, and explain as best you can that you need to do this, and that just because it didn't work out for their partner doesn't mean you're also making a mistake. Explain that them acting this way is interfering with the way that you're able to do your job. If it continues, please contact either HR or Corporate. That is not a good work environment at all, and you certainly shouldn't have to work under conditions that prevent your mind from being fully present.

I hope things work out alright for you, that really is a rough situation. Hopefully your boss will turn their attitude around before you have to get the higher-ups involved.