Are we intolerant of those who do not accept us?

[warlockmaker]

Here I am 2.5 years on HRT and SRS etc. in January 2015 and I have come a long way and changed my mind on so many issues. I can remember before this journey started and for the first 6 months, that non acceptance of my TG was the norm and I was prepared to be in the closet then after srs in stealth mode. The reason being that I did not want to embarrass my lifelong friends, society, and family. 

As I progressed into the second year I began to feel that why should I have to hide what I was meant to be, if they don't like it then " take the highway if it's not my way". I had told my family and the support was unbelievable, my sister who is married to the eldest son one of the most powerful families in Asia, told me to just come out in my home. Her support changed my original attitude, because socially she had to bear the brunt of the publicity which would surely arise in my home city ( we have been there since 1700).

Armed with this new strategy I began to tell all my lady friends and relatives, over 80 of them, to date. All have been supportive to see me at peace and happy. Some expressed concerns at the surgery, and some nieces mourned the possible loss of their favorite alpha male uncle. But all supported my decision. They all know that I don't make decisions without a lot of research and therapy. But with this came my new attitude that my friend must accept who I am and that they were bigots if they didn't, and were never good friends.

I had yet to tell my male lifelong friends and armed with this new attitude I started with a lifelong friend who though initially upset was willing to understand. Then the "hammer came down", my second best friend was just angry and felt I betrayed the male friend code....what code??? Then my SO wanted me to not visit her and my 14 year old daughter in our Phuket Villa, claimed it was an invasion of her privacy and could cause social harm to our daughter. I became quite infuriated and even wrote about this in a forum topic.

Here I am 2.5 years into HRT, and I have reconsidered my position. I need to work with my SO in a conciliatory manner and even though she has known for over 2 years, she hadn't really understood. I have had to live with this dysphoria my whole life and I now can appreciate that she needs some elbow room. As for my other lifelong male friends I have decided that I don't believe I can convert them, I know as I was one of them. So best just let them find out through the media or the gossip mills. They are good people and just very conservative and I cannot blame them. Maybe they are in the old generations that are so stuck in their ways.

I don't know if this attitude will change as the journey continues but I feel how I feel now to be most rational and I can live with it. Maybe other in a more advanced position can give their views. Will this change further after SRS?

[Cindy]

Warlockmaker, I'm not sure if this answers anything, just an observation. I no longer tell people I'm trans*, I certainly no longer feel trans*, whatever that means. I have been told by close colleagues that I am post-trans, and I think I understand that now.

There were two work colleagues who never accepted me, they were not rude, just didn't accept me. That's OK by me. I was in the coffee shop today with a female colleague and they were at the next table. I hadn't seen them for maybe 2 years. It was stunningly obvious that they didn't know who I was; they were very politely flirting with the two of us 

[warlockmaker]

Thanks Cindy, I look forward to that perspective. Its certainly one that would be ideal.

[KatelynBG]

This one is so hard of a subject. I can see the point that we are intolerant of anyone who doesn't accept us, but at the same time, how tolerant would they be if one person went around calling them the opposite gender and wrong name?

[FTMax]

For me, it all boils down to whether they are active or passive about their lack of acceptance.

I am totally fine with friends or family members not accepting that I'm trans, and disagreeing with my transition. I am fine if they want to not support me because of these things. I understand that it probably seems way out of left field to someone that has never struggled with their body or their gender. I can deal with these passive attitudes.

But I am completely intolerant of those who actively disrespect me or other trans people. It's one thing to say that you don't understand and can't accept that we feel this way, but to continue to misgender, deadname, etc. shows a complete lack of regard for me as a person. And that's not something I'll ever put up with.

[HoneyStrums]

I spent ages of my life, beleiving it was not possible to be in the wrong body. And yet, ther I was, LIVING IT. I still denied it, I denied it for 25 years, knowing it was possible.

Now, If we live our own lives, in deniel of ourselves, making up excuses to ourselves. How can we exspect people who do not LIVE IT, to do more then scratch the surface enough to tolorate us?

I for one, always say, I dont exspect anybody to understand what it is like to be me, I do however exspect them to understand, that although they dont, I DO.

I intolerant of people being mean. Not people being unable to understand, Heck ever seen sombody eat a food combo you find absoloutly desgusting? Now, I cant understand how they can eat it, but I can understand how I cant

[Tessa James]

Here I am 2.5 years on HRT and SRS etc. in January 2015 and I have come a long way and changed my mind on so many issues. Will this change further after SRS?

We started HRT near the same time.  Some things I initially said and felt have changed, especially the part about being able to turn transition off if my SO objected.  I am glad that my first inclination was to find therapy to help me cope as it instead led to coming out full-time asap.  So having absolute goals was tossed in favor of feeling my way through this journey to being my authentic self.  I may yet have some surgery and do consider myself more of a woman than last year.  These are changes I had not expected.

Your long social, family and cultural history would seemingly have a weight of its own and then not surprising there is some conservative reaction.  Bravo to you for being so flexible. 

I am a person who has frequently challenged orthodoxy and yet can be testy when challenged by someone else.  I too am working on that sort of conciliatory manner with those I love and care about.  As is often noted, change is the only real constant.

[warlockmaker]

I agree that that many cannot accept who I am, but those who openly disrespect me, that were my friends, may cause me to be more intolerent. I have not had any disrespect, but my news hasnt hit the main stream yet. Its the old men at clubs that are the seats of male chauvinism that I expect the silent slurs. Fortunately or unfortunately, they all know the old me or about me, even before this piece of news. They know my reputation and the old me would take legal action.