I am Sayuri, a 22 year old transgender mtf, asexual, aromantic, homoaesthetic, atheist, Japanese-Latina-American game designer girl in Oklahoma.
At a young age I was indoctrinated into a strange Korean cult that was homophobic/trans-phobic. I took no issue in parroting things that they said regarding those matters. In high school I met a gay boy, we collectively liked video games. It was then that I realized that everything the cult was telling me about homosexuals was wrong. Then I went to college, and I became an atheist because I could no longer rationalize the strange Korean cult's world view with what reality as we know it actually amounts to. I didn't know I was trans. The media almost exclusively shares the stories of trans women who say that they loved the pink section of the toys as a kid, or loved putting on make-up and dresses. I myself have always been more of a robots and warriors fan, and I find that I would not be comfortable in dresses/skirts. I had a false assumption that trans women all felt attracted to "girly stuff" as if by necessarily.
On a side note, all my life I was aware that I could never see myself as a man, and have always known that I have always been so annoyed with sex specific characteristics that I had, and sex specific features that happened to me in my life.
After becoming atheist, I was pretty much off the rails, and wanted to do self discovery. I had always found it hard to believe that sex could be on peoples minds as much as many people claim it to be. The act of it is never on my mind, and I am thankful for it, because I am allowed to occupy my mind with productive thinking towards my artworks and ambitions. It was only a matter of time before I found the label asexual, and aro. Then eventually I finally figured out that in addition to always being both of those, I have also always been a girl who is transgender.
I understand that for some people that is not how they see it. But that's how I see it for me. I always knew I couldn't possibly be a man, and was super uncomfortable when my mom would try to call me such. I opted to respond something like "No, I'm a boy." But now I know that even then, I was mistaken, because I was never a boy.
Knowing that I was trans, ace, and aro, I wanted to figure out what kind of word I could use to describe my non sexual and non romantic preference of girls was. I felt that the most effective way to do so is "homo-aesthetic" a girls contour is a lot more interesting to draw as a character designer, and I have always felt that girl voices sounded nicer.
My parents think that my aceness, transness, and atheism are all just phases. They think things like homosexuality or ->-bleeped-<- is a choice.
Luckily My older brother is a lot more understanding about it and he's cool with it. I also have a lot of really cool friends about it. Though I do not know of any other trans people personally.
I only figured I was trans about 2 months ago. And I haven't really done anything. And don't know about what I could/should do.
I however do know that I want to do a lot: hair removal, hrt, srs, vfs, ffs. And I know that I want to do those things for myself, and not for the approval of anyone.
Knowing that I have the potential to actually physically become who I want to be is fun. But facing the fact that I haven't been able to do anything yet makes me feel like I'm procrastinating, and as an advocate for productive learning and artistic expression, that feels bad.
Before I do anything, I know that I want to, at the very least, permanently eradicate facial hair (eyebrows excluded). Because I feel like after that it taken care of, I will be able to try to practice voice training without feeling silly, and I also feel like I'll be have the confidence to correct innocent misgendering from waiters/cashiers.
