Schizophrenia and transsexuality.

[Beatriz]

I looked around and think this is the right section for the thread, but if it's better suited somewhere else then I ask that it's moved when possible.

Anyway, uhm, it's been a long while since I last posted. I came seeking help: I've been showing a lot of the early schizophrenia signs from this website, most notably the physical ones. I'm 19, living in Brazil, never took any drugs other than the very occasional drink, and the only meds I take are for HRT.

My biggest problem: in Brazil, more specifically concerning our public healthcare, transsexuality and schizophrenia rule each other out by default. We have lines specifying this in our health legislation, that one may only be "diagnosed" as transsexual if other illnesses aren't causing it - schizo being the prime example - and whenever/wherever we're checked, the first question psychiatrists ask is if we've been seeing illusions or hallucinations of any sort.

In short, I can't really go to a psychiatrist to talk about it and/or receive treatment currently.



I've never had delusions as far as I know, but I see illusions pretty often... sometimes I see dreamlike images if I close my eyes and it's dark, with color and the images moving by themselves... they're usually just nonsense and the images don't relate to each other, but sometimes they're terrifying, and can go as far as showing up whenever I blink.

I don't think I've ever heard voices (thankfully!), but I occasionally hear music out of nowhere: if I'm replaying a melody in my head, for example, it can happen that I start physically hearing it, as if I were wearing earphones and really listening to that song. These sound as real as any other sound, and it's really puzzling if it doesn't stop quickly... it's not too scary, but I fear the music might evolve into something else if I do turn out to be a schizo and this is left untreated.

I researched a bit and mostly ruled out other disorders, like bipolar or schizoaffective disorders... but, well... how am I supposed to deal with this? Or rather, has anyone gone through the same experience, or anything similar?

Any input is highly appreciated. Sorry this turned out to be so long ^^'

[Ms Grace]

Well we cannot give you any medical or psychological advice, however I do appreciate the dilemma you face in your country regarding this matter. To be honest, what you are describing doesn't sound problematic, I see things when I close my eyes and play music out in my mind all the time too - I just put it down to my creative mind. There's a difference between what your describing and schizophrenia. There is definite peril in self diagnosing, especially using the internet to do it. I'd strongly urge you to talk to a different doctor about your concerns - if they prove to be nothing then it doesn't matter but if there is an issue you'll be better off for having it treated.

[Beatriz]

Thank you for the input! Like I mentioned, though, my biggest problem is actually going to a doctor to talk about this. It'd be nearly unavoidable for a psychiatrist to end up knowing I'm trans - even one with no previous knowledge of me - and with that and how Brazil handles transsexuality clinically, I might get instructions to stop taking hormones for instance, which I obviously wouldn't follow.

It needs to be noted that most psychologists and psychiatrists over here are rather... ignorant about the subject of trans people, even if they're renowned or have excellent academical records. They mostly follow common sense about this, meaning it's common for them to think a trans woman is just a "confused gay man rejecting his homossexuality", for example. And if the possibility of schizophrenia's thrown into the matter, then everything must surely be delusions.


It's good that seeing things when my eyes are closed isn't something that happens only to me! When I meant playing songs in my head, though, I did mean the song'd start playing right into my ears (as if I were actually listening to it, except I'm not). It sounds as real as any regular sound, and is very startling.

I'm aware of the dangers of self-diagnosis, and I've heard the side effects of anti-psychotic drugs can be very serious, so I'm definitely not looking for that kind of advice without talking to a professional first. My problem is how exactly I should find a professional to talk to, seeing as most specialists in handling trans people aren't an option, and other psychiatrists would be more often than not too closed-minded to be told their definitions are wrong...

[BlonT]

One problem is if you have schizophrenia you can think you are trans or even a animal and believe it ! That,s why the have that rule in most countries. you can be trans but its impossible to prove. Have a family member who has that problem to, even believe is pregnant But that was to check with a hormone test.I would see a doctor if you THINK you have schizophrenia,untreated it mostly go worse.maybe you have it NOT.and if you have, light doses like halidol do help to see the world more as it is.
All the best  BlonT

[Ms Grace]

Do you have any local LGBT support groups? They might be able to suggest a psyche who is reasonable to deal with.

[Laura_7]

here are online therapists :
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html


hugs

[Deborah]

It doesn't sound like schizophrenia to me either.  I think seeing images in your head when your eyes are closed is normal.

The Drs here rule out schizophrenia too when you go for a diagnosis.  With me, I actually did hear a voice in my head one time but after the Dr talked about it for a few minutes decided that it was harmless.


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[Sebby Michelango]

I doesn't know anybody who has schizophrenia and I hasn't so much experience about it. I have no idea either how it works in Brazil. But in Norway you get refused treatment (like hrt, surgeries etc.) if you has schizophrenia. If you have that diagnose, the hospitals, healthcare etc. wouldn't assume you're transgender.

My best advice is talking about your experience to a professional, so maybe he or she can help you to figure it out. Internet isn't always something you can trust in. If you find out you hasn't schizophrenia, you can get treatment for gender dysphoria etc. If you has that diagnose, you may get treatment refused.

[SamKelley]

Hi Beatriz,

Years ago a friend of mine studying psychology gave me a copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. He said "open it up to a page and see what you think".

I opened it up at random and read. I said out loud "oh my god - I have this" !!

He replied - "yes, that's why you should never self-diagnose". I read a few more mental disorders, and I had them all!

.... When I was 19 I saw a psychiatrist and didn't open up for fear of what he might say; and guess what - I didn't end get to the bottom of any of my issues, of who I was, and after several months I gave up thinking he was an idiot.

Now at 39 I'm seeing a clinical psychologist and resolved to be completely open with her because I want to understand why I feel the way I feel, and grow into myself. The result has been the complete opposite of 20 years ago.

Here's what I know. Skilled therapists know when you have a condition, and when you don't. The truth is, if you HAVE schizophrenia, they will help you. If you DON'T - they will help you. Find someone you trust and be open with them. Therapy doesn't work if you try to moderate what you tell your therapist - it just doesn't.

P.S. You sound rational to me - except for the self-diagnosing part .

We're right here with you
xox
Sami

[Tristyn]

Thank you for the input! Like I mentioned, though, my biggest problem is actually going to a doctor to talk about this. It'd be nearly unavoidable for a psychiatrist to end up knowing I'm trans - even one with no previous knowledge of me - and with that and how Brazil handles transsexuality clinically, I might get instructions to stop taking hormones for instance, which I obviously wouldn't follow.

It needs to be noted that most psychologists and psychiatrists over here are rather... ignorant about the subject of trans people, even if they're renowned or have excellent academical records. They mostly follow common sense about this, meaning it's common for them to think a trans woman is just a "confused gay man rejecting his homossexuality", for example. And if the possibility of schizophrenia's thrown into the matter, then everything must surely be delusions.


It's good that seeing things when my eyes are closed isn't something that happens only to me! When I meant playing songs in my head, though, I did mean the song'd start playing right into my ears (as if I were actually listening to it, except I'm not). It sounds as real as any regular sound, and is very startling.

I'm aware of the dangers of self-diagnosis, and I've heard the side effects of anti-psychotic drugs can be very serious, so I'm definitely not looking for that kind of advice without talking to a professional first. My problem is how exactly I should find a professional to talk to, seeing as most specialists in handling trans people aren't an option, and other psychiatrists would be more often than not too closed-minded to be told their definitions are wrong...

Hi Bea.

I am not sure if what I'll say will be helpful to your situation and all, but I hope it will!^^

I see alot of different doctors for different things here in the U.S.A. No one would know I am trans unless I told them so. The same could be said about everyone. A person's gender identity and expression is alot like their sexual orientation in that it cannot be looked out physically. These are very innate things that cannot really be picked up just by looking at someone.

I don't go around telling everyone I am trans. I only tell certain people if I really have to. For me, its an even bigger problem because my gender marker and name reflects the female gender which is what I do not want. So I have to learn to keep brushing off the constant "ma'ams" and "misses" until I can have that changed and my voice deepened by some good ol' Mr. T (not to be confused with the celebrity!^^).

As for those schizophrenic symptoms you speak of, I doubt you are alone in that. I think it can even be correlated. I used to have the type of hallucinations some people get as soon as they wake up from a dream. For me, it happened more with nightmares as a kid. Seriously....And as for the auditory types of hallucinations, I kinda had those too. Even now, I hear swishing in my ear. But that isn't hallucinating. That is tinitus. I just got some ear problems. Which reminds me, I definitely need to see an otolaryngologist or emt just to be safe. I was even diagnosed with paranoia schizophrenia at one point and time in my life after experiencing the beginning of end-stage renal failure until I started dialysis. Then that diagnosis became irrelevant...well, maybe except the paranoia part of it. >.<

[Dena]

I had 8 years of therapy and the only thing the doctors could find wrong with me was I wanted to be a girl.

When I close my eyes I also see color patterns. I heard somewhere it's caused by the pressure of your eyelid on your eyes and it may be true because it doesn't happen when I am in a dark room with my eyes open. Schizophrenics also see things we don't see when their eyes are open. If you watch the movie "A beautiful mind" you will get an idea what being a schizophrenic is like.

As for music or sounds, I can also replay music in my mind and it's like I am hearing it again but it doesn't happen if I am not thinking about music. I think this is a natural ability and music composers often use this process to hear a song they are writing. If it doesn't sound right in their head, it won't sound right when it is played.

I had a schizophrenic in the family and I emailed with another one and so far you haven't said anything that makes me think you have an issue.

[Waex]

I've been diagnosed schizoaffective and I am now on hrt thank god. It was so hard getting a doctor to believe that I am trans. My advice is to find a clinic that caters to the lgbt community even if you have to travel a long way. One of my pet peeves is medical professionals that expect you to prove you're trans. I'm mean seriously if I was a pregnant cis woman how easy would hormones be to get? 

[Beatriz]

Thanks a lot for the support and encouragement, everyone! I was probably just paranoid over it, I'll keep the symptoms in mind in case I happen to start hearing voices or something though.

I am pretty sure what I was and have been hearing is indeed hallucinations, seeing as I actually -hear- the sounds in my ears, and it happened in at least three instances this month. But I've also read that musical hallucinations are the most common auditory hallucination that mentally healthy people can get... so it might not be an issue if it's just music.

(And yes... so much for doctors having "authority" over patients since they went to study medicine and we normally didn't, yet they tend to be so short-minded over what they don't know...)

[SamKelley]

What you're describing sounds more like synesthesia to me, which I've experienced - I've 'heard' what I was seeing, which was most disconcerting.

Just remember, you're entitled to a second opinion from another doctor, if you're not happy with the first. I've had three therapists, two have been great, and one has been ... let's say less than helpful for me personally .

[Jacqueline]

Sami,

Can I just say that this is one of the best responses I have heard/seen. You have nailed self diagnosing. I too am a firm believer in therapists and the ability to help.

Sorry for hi jacking. Now back to your regularly scheduled thread.

Joanna

Hi Beatriz,

Years ago a friend of mine studying psychology gave me a copy of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. He said "open it up to a page and see what you think".

I opened it up at random and read. I said out loud "oh my god - I have this" !!

He replied - "yes, that's why you should never self-diagnose". I read a few more mental disorders, and I had them all!

.... When I was 19 I saw a psychiatrist and didn't open up for fear of what he might say; and guess what - I didn't end get to the bottom of any of my issues, of who I was, and after several months I gave up thinking he was an idiot.

Now at 39 I'm seeing a clinical psychologist and resolved to be completely open with her because I want to understand why I feel the way I feel, and grow into myself. The result has been the complete opposite of 20 years ago.

Here's what I know. Skilled therapists know when you have a condition, and when you don't. The truth is, if you HAVE schizophrenia, they will help you. If you DON'T - they will help you. Find someone you trust and be open with them. Therapy doesn't work if you try to moderate what you tell your therapist - it just doesn't.

P.S. You sound rational to me - except for the self-diagnosing part .

We're right here with you
xox
Sami

[SamKelley]

Thanks Joanna,

Just re-reading my post it just occurred to me that - had I opened up to my therapist when I was 19... maybe I would have realised I was transgender 20 years earlier.

I don't regret my past I cherish it. But that's a very sobering thought to start the day with 

Don't self-diagnose!!

xx
Sami

[Devlyn]

One problem is if you have schizophrenia you can think you are trans or even a animal and believe it ! That,s why the have that rule in most countries. you can be trans but its impossible to prove. Have a family member who has that problem to, even believe is pregnant But that was to check with a hormone test.I would see a doctor if you THINK you have schizophrenia,untreated it mostly go worse.maybe you have it NOT.and if you have, light doses like halidol do help to see the world more as it is.
All the best  BlonT

Do you have a link to support that? I didn't think that's what schizophrenia was. Not a doctor though, so I just might be wrong.

Hugs, Devlyn