Just came out to religious dad.

[MicheleGui]

I actually did not want to tell him yet. But it happened.

I live with my two sisters and my dad came over to spend the weekend with us. Today, after lunch, he came to my room and asked if we could have a talk.

He talked about how he has noticed some physical changes, such as the slightly longer hair, manicured nails (with incolour polish) and how I stood up for the LGBT community in social media and conversations.

Then he asked the one thing I didn't want him to ask:
"Are you gay?"

I told him everything. I tried to be as careful as possible. Told him how I struggled with gender identity ever since I was 13. Told him how I thought I was gay, but have always felt attraction towards women.

I cried a lot. He cried as well.

He was shocked. Confused, naturally. He asked a couple questions. He was worried. I could feel it. It is a lot for him to swallow.

He said that he loves me no matter what and I'm still his son (yes, he said "son", but I don't think he was trying to be mean with that). But right now, he can't say that he supports me in it.

[Laura_7]

Well, first congrats on coming out 

It might take some time for them to understand...

here is a brochure that might be shown, by a reputable source... the british national health serive...
stating being trans has biological connections...
so its nobodys fault... not an upbringing or whatever...
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf
Well its up to you what you say or show since you know them best...
the NHS brochure explicitly states for trans people, their families and healthcare staff...

one strategy could be to explain your feelings, show some materials and tell them you want to see a good gender therapist...
the gender therapist to help you along, maybe with easy reversible steps first, to help you find out how they make you feel...
so that you have someone to guide you and help you along, and no rash but appropriate steps are made.... appropriate also in your favour, so that it moves along...

and concerning religion it should be about love...
people are born with all kinds of birth conditions so its hsould be about love and helping each other...

and here is another resource that might help...
hawaii.edu/hivandaids/Some_Considerations_in_Coming_Out_Trans_to_Your_Parents_and_Family.pdf

if you feel like it there are helplines...
they also have a chat...
http://glbthotline.org/hotline.html
http://translifeline.org


hugs

[Tessa James]

Wow Michele that is huge!  How wonderful to hear that your Dad loves you and cares enough to sit down and talk about it all with you.  That he even noticed your changes demonstrates his concern and attention.

I don't see any reason that a religious person need by prejudiced and discriminatory about the truth of who we are.  All the major religious faiths include basic tenets and admonitions to love one another.

How very good of and for both of you.

[MicheleGui]

 He's going to need some time to process  all this. Because of our family has always been a traditional one, he had no idea that this could happen. He seemed very worried about what the transition could mean for me.

[Laura_7]

He's going to need some time to process  all this. Because of our family has always been a traditional one, he had no idea that this could happen. He seemed very worried about what the transition could mean for me.

You might say that being tg has biological connections...
so its nobodys fault... neither their upbringing or whatever...
You might also say you will take each step and see how they make you feel... so its a process...
but its necessary because otherwise you might not be happy...
in the second link above with the considerations are further points...

I also like the twin explanation... you will be like your male/female twin, with the same sense of humour...


hugs

[MicheleGui]

Alright, this was unexpected:

This morning my dad came into my room, sat down, and cried.
He apologized many times. Said that he felt terrible for knowing that his kid has been suffering alone for so long.

He told me that he called my mom and told her everything. He didn't say how she reacted, but I didn't ask either. I just let his talk. I had never seen him expose his feelings like that.

An then he said that sometimes he worries too much about what people might think, but now he just wants to stand by my side and help me any way he can.

He cried a lot. I cried a lot.

I'm really impressed with him. Now I just hope that he will be happy with one more daughter.

[Laura_7]

Congratulation 


hugs

[AprilC]

He sounds like a good man, and very good Dad

April

[Lady Smith]

He sounds like a good man, and very good Dad

April

This +1

[HoneyStrums]

I Liked that He asked

ARE you gay.
I know its distressfull, But he didnt ask Do you THINK your gay.

In some small way, I would take that as an acceptence of your authority over the answer to such aquestion

And The fact he worries means he does care

When HE SAID, your are my son and I love you no matter what, that is a great deal.
I would take it, to mean he loves his son even if that son becomes his daughter.

When I talk to my dad, after I started presenting, he reffered to me as a daugter in increasing amounts, he still slips up, but when talking about pre transition memories, he always uses son to reffer to me, because thats how he remembers it I have to let him have that, because that was his perspective then, and you cant change the past , you can only build a future.

[DiscoveringEzra]

Gah! Congratulations Michele! I'm happy for you. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself in coming out. Like your dad my mom is strongly religious, and I know she wont put me out but the reaction terrifies me. Bleh anyway. Good on you hun, keep moving up!