For me, that first time, OMG, it was
Ironicay after bouts of late night solo outings just because I was fed up with staying indoors.
But late night, when you think no one is around, and hiding at every little sound you think is sombody, doesnt cont as presenting in public.
It was after I come out to my family and friends.
It was to the doctor apointment that officially started transition for me. I got ready, put on my wig, got to the door. Then let go of the handle, turned around, went upstairs, looked in my mirror and broke down and cried.
The hair was fake
The boobs were fake
My face had hair all over it
My shoulders were too broad
My hips wernt wide enogh
But, damb my legs looked great. (I love my legs)
Walked right bsck down those stairs, put my hand on that handle, oh that handle. Again I froze, its just a stupid door, why cant I open it. The doctor is down the street, Its a five minuet walk, why cant I open this silly little door.
I went up stairs again, looked in that mirror again, SAW that un-happy face. That was it, with how un-happy I looked going out that door couldnt possibly make things any worse then not opening it was.
This time, That handle, "eff you stupid handle", twist, clck, creeek. Door slowly opens with the effort the outside breaze afforded it. That breaze hit my face, I wiped the tears away. I could hear the outside world clearly as it came into view.
I steped outside and turned to face my door. With the door half closed as I'd been pulling it shut behind me, I placed my key In the lock and Used my key to close it the rest of the way. I looked upon the outside hadle and smiled, I remember thinking that I wanted to go cower in my room and couldnt find myself to turn the handle.
After that All I had to do was, take a five minuet walk down the street. After my appointment was over I was walking back up my street and my house came back into view. It was such a nice day that day, I realy didnt want to go back indoors, I walkstright passed, Up to the local super market, and bough myself a cupple new tops to treat myself.
It was such a nice day, and I was out. I wasnt going to go back inside after 7 minuets of being outside on a day as nice as that. I had finished at the store and was on my way back, when I passed two guys, I wasnt going to cross the road to avoid them either. My head wasnt held high, but my will was there. I passed them, even glanced at one and smiled back at them.
I was passed them, I felt good, then I heard it, like a knife through the heart. "Thats a man"
I was happy, it wasnt fair, I wished I never went to the store, I wished I never left my house, I wish I never woke up, I wished I had never been born.
Then!! "With legs like that? No way" the other guy said. I was like, I love my legs, I love that man, I love today. Im glad I woke up. Im glad I went to that store. Im glad I was born. Did I say I love my legs?
