How can I deal with my transphobic family!

[soaringPhoenix]

I came out to my family a couple of days ago. They reacted angrily, told me my name was stupid, said I was a liar, and told me to stop requesting people call me my chosen name.
Now, they are acting as if I haven't told them anything, still using my birth name.
My mother is an active radical feminist on the Internet, and displays her transphobic views really openly.
Her girlfriend, possibly one of the most prolific terfs on the Internet, is coming to visit in a few months. I am terrified for my emotional safety.
Since I'm under 16, do I have any legal rights pertaining to this?


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[Ms Grace]

Hi - sorry, I had to delete your other post on the same subject as we don't allow cross posting.

As for your family, your trans-hating mother and her TERFer GF, I'm really sorry... what a horrible pickle. But I think it's your mother who is ultimately going to have her hideous prejudices rubbed in her face.

Given your age I'm not sure what legal rights you might have. Mind you, it's not just people who have transphobic family who don't/won't use their chosen name. Parents! Family! What can you do? Remind them that one day they will be in your care, maybe they should start treating you they way they'd like to be treated, with respect.

[Laura_7]

You might tell you want a counselor, for emotional purposes...
they might help you.
If they are not supportive look for another.
You might also ask at mermaids for counseling, its included in your other thread.

Well concerning your mother and her friend...
its difficult to advise but it seems both have some kind of emotional attachment against transgender people.
It might be asked where this comes from.
After all, transgender people are people like everyone else.

Here are some materials:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596
and here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,195129.msg1740788.html#msg1740788
included is a link to a publication of the british NHS stating being transgender has biological connections.
So its nothing that should be argued about... its just scientific facts...
and it has nothing to do with anybodys upbringing... or whatever... its nobodys fault.

Some people prefer written materials... like a letter...
it helps sum up the thoughts and list a few things... and also talk about emotions...
but since you know them best its up to you what you want to do...

you might first talk to the mermaids...

[Obfuskatie]

Depending on where you live, you can look into legal emancipation after reaching the age of majority. It's usually between 16 and 18, but is different in each state in the US, and I have no idea what it's like abroad.
You can always find a supportive friend that doesn't mind you hiding out at their place. Whether it means you live a double-life as a trans-woman in public and go back to boy-mode in your mom's house, or that you barely spend any time at home, spend as little time as possible around the people in your life with bigoted views.
I definitely agree with Grace, in that once you are independent of your mom, you only have to see her when you feel like it. So you will be able to leave immediately when she uses the wrong name or insult you. But for now, make an escape plan and bide your time.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[soaringPhoenix]

Depending on where you live, you can look into legal emancipation after reaching the age of majority. It's usually between 16 and 18, but is different in each state in the US, and I have no idea what it's like abroad.
You can always find a supportive friend that doesn't mind you hiding out at their place. Whether it means you live a double-life as a trans-woman in public and go back to boy-mode in your mom's house, or that you barely spend any time at home, spend as little time as possible around the people in your life with bigoted views.
I definitely agree with Grace, in that once you are independent of your mom, you only have to see her when you feel like it. So you will be able to leave immediately when she uses the wrong name or insult you. But for now, make an escape plan and bide your time.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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Hello! I know it was an honest mistake on my part for not including it in the original post but I am a trans man I'm from Scotland, and the laws here are quite vague, otherwise all written out in a way I don't get. Autism y u do dis >.<


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[Obfuskatie]

Hello! I know it was an honest mistake on my part for not including it in the original post but I am a trans man I'm from Scotland, and the laws here are quite vague, otherwise all written out in a way I don't get. Autism y u do dis >.<


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I'd recommend looking for someone affiliated with child services or the Scottish equivalent if it gets seriously bad. Otherwise find legal help from a barrister? familiar with family law or queer issues. Emancipation should still be possible in the UK if it comes to that. Also find trans peers or allies near you that can help shelter you when you need it.
Most colleges have LGBT groups and the NHS has some clinics listed in Scotland as long as you can get there, although the wait time before treatment is kind of an issue. Since you are underage, you may have to wait until you are legally an adult to start medical transition as well. But there isn't an age minimum for counseling.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[suzifrommd]

Hugs SP. Please give yourself credit for bearing up under very difficult circumstances. A parent who doesn't accept you is hard. Fortunately, you sound very strong.

I have several suggestions.

First, make a point of repeating the following facts as often as you can:
* You didn't choose to be trans.
* It isn't going to go away no its own and there is no way to "fix" it.
* Being transgender is SERIOUS. Anxiety and depression are common among those who ignore it.
* Transition is a highly effective treatment.

Your mom may need to hear them multiple times before she sits down to think about what she's doing to you.

Are there other adults you can bring in as allies? Relatives? Family friends? A counselor or teacher at school?

If not, is there a PFLAG chapter in your area?

Try to find allies wherever you can. It's much easier when you don't have to deal with it alone.

[soaringPhoenix]

I have no idea what a pflag is... I'm Scottish, maybe that has something to do with the fact I am a complete noob to all these lgbt terms? :p


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[Laura_7]

I have no idea what a pflag is... I'm Scottish, maybe that has something to do with the fact I am a complete noob to all these lgbt terms? :p


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PFLAG is parents of lgbt people.
http://www.pflag.co.uk/localsupport.htm

And you could look here:
http://www.transgenderscotland.org/
http://www.scottishtrans.org/support/support-groups-in-scotland/
http://www.edinburghtranswomen.org.uk/links_scottish_trans.html


hugs