i survived hell growing up. my parents told me recently we feed you, clothed you, housed you ect but the one thing they stopped doing was sending me to the docters after they retired from military because the docters were idiots. i think what happened was at age 6 i was sent to many doctors for minor cerebral palsy grew out it but anyways after moveing from the states to crete Greece in 1988 i thought to have seizures so off i went to Germany to see the best of the best nonconclusive off late i don't have them never did they thought i was have them a split second every second. anyway when i got back i started acting really effenminate and so i went to see a psych another best of best and label me trans but probally thought i grow out it why i think back then i had GID NOS. at age 10 i am embaressed i didn't know the difference between girls and boys ya i was raised that but i found my sexuality and gender by looking at dads straight porn mags. a few months later i knew what girls do babies and raise families but when i saw the naked body in the mag for my first time i knew i was a girl. i had a high sex drive then but now i am ashamed i was such a little pervert but now i don't need sex or to look at such things i need love from a guy.
later at 13 we moved to wv i feel in love with a girl my soulmate she would've been my girl if i wasn't trans i hadn't come out then yet was really paranoid of gender i was metro but very masculine. i was almost raped in 9 th grade by boys who treated me as a girl it wasn't gay for them i don't blame them they are now great people just in wv in f... society. i was a good drawer copier wanted to do anime and go to Pittsburgh art institute my mom got the counselor to say i sucked as a drawler yes and so no art school so i decided salem university for computer programming another way for art. i got really depressed because it was a small town filled with dirty men who i think tried to rape me because i would always try to help them out, not only that i had gay friends. i even tried joing a local frat and out drink the boys but sadlly i drank to solve my depression. ,y counselor in k-12 told my parents to get me therapy but they refused told them it wasn't their place. anyway i caved gave a choice go to a second rate university in wv a cheaper school at the time or go in the air force . i went what was weird was i saw a trans squad doing bootcamp their and trans as cooks at dining hall. my drill sergeants were crazy almost got me jailed for stupid stuff the next door sargent thought i was really dedicated soldier just troubled. i wanted discharged for depression and i had to lie that i knew i always had it and why gid if i did i be in jail or get dishornable which would've screwed me for life. my ranking officer the priest said i my parents had a outstanding record and i was good just troubled and so he sent me to a psych to diagnosis me with separation disorder.
i came back home i didn't know at the time but i told my mom i was transsexual i thought when i went in for therapy and admitted then with mom and the therapist that's when i told her. my parents never spent a dime on us growing up in and out the military they got the best clothes ect at that time that would've been abuse but now their the greatest allies for trans community and changed they advocate for reform and mental health. so anyway i had to drive to school 2 hrs each way daily my parents didn't want me on campus 24/7 3 cars later i stopped school lost my parents health insurance went to free clinic lucklly i saw the best therapist in town for general mental health and glbt health but she couldn't get me hormones and she was the director why i don't know and she was a lesbian sigh.
my mom at this time told me i couldn't stay and transtition to be a woman why shes not getting a divorce. my dad grew up in hell in Beckley wv his mom put up with a abuseive non diagnosied schizophrenic later his suicide i think was murder why his land was next to a boys scout camp hmm they tried getting his land and my granddad refused. also grandma wouldn't save my dad and his siblings from his abusive father. my grandfather made my father kill his pets my fathers growing up. we later tried to get re established with them but they always played it safe. my mothers parents my grandmother is undiagnosed with borderline personality claimed my grandfather abused her and did ->-bleeped-<- illegal. first off all it was a different time in a corrupt country he was also military second the s.... never happened according to my family. but anyway bpth had crappy role models.
so i ran away with my cat to sf ca. in Arizona i was told i local greyhound could not let me on with the cat even though at the time the cat was my therapy animal and the head company allowed it from Pittsburgh to Arizona. so i gave up my cat animals always emotional raised me how. well a military base in Idaho was on desert land and i played their with the wild animals according to my brother.
so i got hooked up with the gender clinic their but was in a hurry with my hormones stopped going to the homeless shelters because i was molested and almost raped several times hell they knew i was trans in middle of transition the shelters and did nothing i probally have a case to sue sf. anyway we ran to Glendale ca with my homeless friends went to camp grounds and apparently they were a cult me and my 'wife' they hooked me up with and i made love to even though i emotionally abused her by saying this isn't right even though we were in love. came back to Glendale la ca and left with another friend to run los vegas and with no money well i did a few bad things screwing my family over just to save my wife. we got to my friends friends house. found out my friend and wife hooked up. i ran back to sf ca with the help of family in wv. and got on hormones but still in shelters. tried killing myself and got help went to uscf hospital and got into a program got diagnosed with borderline personality and transitioned and got on disability. came back rocky start with family went back to school and before i ran away to sf i almost got my bachlors and then masters in history focusing on military and intelligence focusing on the chinas great leap forward. my professor/advisor helped make the community college into wv second best university. he came from a ivy league school with a famous teacher who taught him who was a expert on Russia communist. anway i was afraid that my of campus roommate was well black i have a phobia of blacks. why i was emotional raped by some. he turned out to be the sweatest person and i helped re established gay straight alliance and my friend after i left became president and made it big their. anway this happened two years after i got back from sf. my roommates were black and well hated white people and glbt even though i met one roommates family and no they weren't raised that way treated me like gold their family.
anyway i had a dog for therapy and raised it as a puppy another second round roommate had a pitbull who was well pyscho tried to eat my dog and gave her ptsd i gave her up to a good home but that incident always hurt me. i helped raise my moms current dog my little brother who i smother with love a boy who hates that lol but its not really funny i have ocd also. anyway i got my surgery but dr mcginn was scared at the time i might had schizo social almost didn't get surgery but my therapist convinced the doc that i was mentally ready not mentally compent thankfully rules on srs changed after that but if i was a therapist i wpuldnt allow someone like me to get srs. why i cant take care myself. i left for fresno ca because my parents were driving me crazy i wanted to leave and it be a tepping stone and i had family their. anyway my roommates were druggies and another black roommate who was schizo and drug addict. so anway i got discriminated i was supposed to have female roommates i didn't change my gender marker on id and i told them i was trans my aunt said sue they changed their minds but screwed me anyway. i am back but i am not well in freso i hooked up with rudy a drifter Mexican socialpath. anway i loved him but now i know he raped me. anway i came back to Morgantown wv.
in fresno i was working on a degree in Tibetan Buddhism; online study and got obessed with it i might comeback to it later. i am a universalist i see religions as translations of god and reality. anyway in the shelters in sf ca when i was their they the abusers made me realize that i was damaged goods and maybe i was abused and i started expoloring this idea but theirs no evidence such occurred and no my family never abused me i had a great life but did i.
i lost all my friends i made through out the years on facebook i wont do social media again; my bpd makes me hateful. i am not hateful as a person i wasn't raised that way its my sickness i mean well. any other trans raped and have mental health problems
