Hi, I want to be a girl. You know I would really like to be able to tell my parents that when I wake up tomorrow, but my male hands are quite tied. My coming out would be a non event and with a little talking, I think my parents would believe they have cured me of my want to be a girl. In reality, I would clamshell up like I am now and keep my girly urges to myself.
I have tried to come out at most 3 times in my life and none have really changed anything. I crossdressed a few times wearing my mother's clothes and make up before it got to the point where I thought I was doing something terrible so I told my parents. Neither of them reacted. Then I tried to come out another time and sent a long email to my parents and I told my high school counselor (my mom got mad a me for doing that because she wanted the list of people who knew about my want to be a girl to be quite small). I got to talk to my doctor and my regular counselor, and my GP basically said screw everyone else's opinion and embrace the reality that I believe in. My counselor has been there for me a lot but remains skeptical. This latest coming out was like 2 and a half years ago. Things lost momentum when I fell face first in love with a girl.
Falling in love changed my brain psychology and made it impossible to focus on wanting to be a girl. It also caused hidden psychological problems to take hold of my brain for the majority of the past year in a half. Anyway, I am better now, the girl is behind me or not in my life anymore *tear*. I now want to be a girl again.
I want to be a girl badly, and, like most of you who are MTF transgender, or even FTM, I want to be a cisgender person of the opposite sex. I want things that trans people cannot have like working reproductive organs et cetera. But I now, as a 21 year old, know and understand the pros and cons of being a MTF transgender or transsexual and want to transition. As I write this post, I am basically coming out to myself that I am transgender. It feels really good!
I want to be a transwoman and hopefully I will get my chance and get things rolling in 2015-16. I feel excited to come out to this community of individuals who are transitioning or considering the transition like me. Hopefully, I will get a chance to come out to my new psychiatrist this fall (I have unfortunately outgrown my current psychiatrist whom I haven't said a word about being transgender for personal reasons)
I have my work cut out for me to further convince and educate my counselor about being transgender. He was shocked when I told him that most surgeons today don't just get rid of the existing male reproductive organs but construct their female counterpart with near perfect aesthetic accuracy. In his defense, he has expressed interest in contacting someone who knows about gender identity and learning more to help me out.
So I wanted to be a girl and now I want to be transgender woman! Yay me!
~Maribeth
