Identity... Meh...

[Tori]

I find it really funny as time goes on and people stumble over pronouns.

It's like, "Whatever. I know who you are talking to. Don't freak out over it. I know you meant no harm and you are doing your best."

I mean, I am trans. I am out. I don't try too particularly hard to fit in with the cis folks.

I guess gender fluidity/androgyny are a fine place for me to be right now. This is a long journey from male to female and I am enjoying the road trip.

I guess, what I am getting at here is I don't feel particularly female. I don't really know what that is supposed to feel like. I sure don't feel male any more either. It is just weird. Comforting too but not what I ever expected.

Not my most profound post but whatever...

[Ms Grace]

I'm not out at work - whether they've worked it out for themselves I don't know (they are pretty cluey and would have had contact with trans people previously). I will out myself at some point no doubt, when it suits me and/or when it is funny to do so, but I've wanted to wait a while to soak in the "being one of the girls" vibe. I kind of find that as soon as some people know you're trans they suddenly get weird about pronouns and all that other stupid stuff I'd rather forget about too.

[HoneyStrums]

I try and look at it like, if they mean no malice, what ever.

Now when malice is meant, thats when I get upset.
I dont say anything to them, I realy dont like conflict. I just turn the other cheek. But its the people that misgender me the most, that help me with that.

They see It upsets me, and put them down on my behalf.

[awilliams1701]

I've been out 100% for a year now. It was the end of august was my last day of work as Allen. Today is also the day last year where I had some serious drama with my sisters. I had to block one and almost stopped talking to the other. The blocked one is doing better, but I'm not happy that I'm a threat to her son. The other one had been doing better, but after I reached out for help to her and got slapped down, Its clear to me shes not my sister.

[stephaniec]

I've been out 100% for a year now. It was the end of august was my last day of work as Allen. Today is also the day last year where I had some serious drama with my sisters. I had to block one and almost stopped talking to the other. The blocked one is doing better, but I'm not happy that I'm a threat to her son. The other one had been doing better, but after I reached out for help to her and got slapped down, Its clear to me shes not my sister.

I think my niece stopped communicating with me because she didn't want her two sons to see me.

[Dena]

I guess, what I am getting at here is I don't feel particularly female. I don't really know what that is supposed to feel like. I sure don't feel male any more either. It is just weird. Comforting too but not what I ever expected.

Feeling female is not feeling uncomfortable about your gender. it's your mind and body are one and all is right with the world. Not so much a feeling but the lack of a very painful one.

For me it's also just happy to be alive.

[Metanoia]

I mean, I am trans. I am out. I don't try too particularly hard to fit in with the cis folks.

I guess gender fluidity/androgyny are a fine place for me to be right now. This is a long journey from male to female and I am enjoying the road trip.

I guess, what I am getting at here is I don't feel particularly female. I don't really know what that is supposed to feel like. I sure don't feel male any more either. It is just weird. Comforting too but not what I ever expected.

Not my most profound post but whatever...

I'm not out and haven't started HRT yet, but my hair is the longest it's ever been, so even if I get comments on it almost daily.... I'm enjoying the road trip too.

The dysphoric anxiety needs to and will hopefully soon go away, but the progressive androgyny... I'm kinda enjoying it.

I imagine that I'll feel very similarly when I truly get this Trans* road trip started, but until I do; I'll ride the androgyny train a little farther.

Thanks for the post. Pretty profound for me

[Tori]

Thank you all so much for your comments! They help.

Transition is not just a second puberty, it is a second adolescence. Prepare to be immature or more immature than you were before, at least for a while.

The first year is full of wonderful changes and it moves quite fast. After that, things slow down and reality sets in for many of us. It is the awkward phase. It is when we really find out who we are and who we wish to become. Just like any adolescent. Be prepared to change your plans and expectations. It just might happen. Nothing wrong with that.

[Jill F]

Prepare to be immature or more immature than you were before, at least for a while.

I'll have my mai tai in a sippy cup, please.

Nanny nanny boo boo?

[Dee Marshall]

Yep, Tori, after the first year it's like driving from coast to coast. You still want to get to the destination, but the trip is tiring, not exciting, and you just wanna get there already. Plus, you really begin to wonder if you have the stamina to finish. Why didn't I just fly?

And, yes, I just feel like "me", a saner, happier me, but me.

[KittyKat]

I started working again after staying at home for the past year. It's kinda nice being like Grace and not out at all at work. The other funny thing to think about is I'm working as a cashier at Walmart and I have a lot of conversations with customers and everyone has gendered me female. Really makes me think how many people have met someone transgender and don't even know it because I can easily interact with around 100 people during an 8 hour shift.

[Tori]

Yep, Tori, after the first year it's like driving from coast to coast. You still want to get to the destination, but the trip is tiring, not exciting, and you just wanna get there already. Plus, you really begin to wonder if you have the stamina to finish. Why didn't I just fly?

And, yes, I just feel like "me", a saner, happier me, but me.

I have taken to explaining transition as a road trip too. I tell people I have decided to drive myself and my belongings so I can move from NYC to LA, and while LA is my intended destination, I may decide I want to stop somewhere else along the way.

[Jill F]

I have taken to explaining transition as a road trip too. I tell people I have decided to drive myself and my belongings so I can move from NYC to LA, and while LA is my intended destination, I may decide I want to stop somewhere else along the way.

Why do I feel like my car must have overheated in Phoenix some days? *le sigh*

[Dee Marshall]

Why do I feel like my car must have overheated in Phoenix some days? *le sigh*

Jill, I know you're half joking, but honestly, that's the tedious part of the process we were talking about. I had a hobby that was a bit like this. I used to belong to a club, the EAA, that built small experimental planes. Yes, planes you would fly in. We used to say that building a plane was a big, big task. So what you did was build airplane parts. When you built enough parts you built bigger parts from those. Eventually you had an airplane.

Now I belong to a group that's building women and men. You pick a task or two, work on them and, when they're done, pick another task. If the one you're working on gets tedious put it down and pick another.

I never managed to build a whole plane by myself. You need a team.

I have all of you.

And all of you have me.

[Tori]

I have such a big smile right now.