FTM Mood Swings

[gwennywzrd]

My significant other just started testosterone a little over a week ago. Since then, he's had some interesting mood swings that I didn't expect. The first 4 days after T, he was extremely happy and bubbly. I had never been more certain that this is what's right for him (not that it's up to me). Since then, he's been depressed and even more dysphoric than before. His voice is already trying to change, so his throat is sore most of the time and he just generally doesn't feel good, but has more energy.
He gets upset with me for being happy... which i do not understand. I do absolutely everything I can to try to help him feel better, but nothing is working. He just doesn't feel well and isn't happy and he's irritated with me because I do.
Any advice?

[RavenL]

Please take this with a grain of salt as I am not nor do I claim to be an expert. One thing is he is going through a second puberty that is changing the body. I know when I had my unwanted one I got pretty moody sometimes as well.

[sam1234]

He may be ill and thinking the sore throat is from the voice change.

Transitioning is a difficult thing emotionally for some people. He may think things are not happening fast enough, or not the way he imagined it would. Transitioning can also bring up some bad memories about  the teasing and abuse prior to changing. Realizing that the same people who treated you so badly would now treat you  nicely as long as they didn't recognize you and didn't know you had been going through a transition can cause anger and resentment.

Its difficult to be with someone who is angry and has mood changes, but try to be supportive. If you can get him to talk about what is bothering him, that would be good, but if he doesn't want to talk about it, all you can do is be supportive and realize that this is a difficult time for him. Don't let yourself be abused verbally or emotionally though. If his comments get personal and directed at you, put your foot down.

sam2

[RaptorChops]

It definitely is rough and he will go through mood swings a lot. I've been on T for two years and I still have mood swings. I can't cry like a normal person and I get more angry when I'm sad. It's definitely a roller coaster but he's lucky to have you there for support. He's going to be dysphoric for a while until he starts noticing more changes becoming noticeable. I was extremely uncomfortable for the first year because I was not passing as male and I felt like I hadn't had much changes. I felt like I still looked like a girl and my features weren't going to change. It really depends on his genetics and all that too. I have seen guys on T for a year and they look extremely masculine. It took me two years to actually start feeling better about myself and being more confident. I still get depressed and upset.

I had my chest surgery a little over two months ago and I can say I feel even better than I did before. Maybe go to the gym together or work out at home together? I can't really give advice on relationships because I haven't been with anyone since I started my transition. Just continue to show your love and support him, just understand his hormones are making huge changes so his emotions are going to be off for awhile.

[FTMax]

I can't say that I've had any mood swings since starting T, but I am much less patient than I was before. This came up in another thread and it sounded like a very common feeling for many people - so I'd be prepared for him being a little more short with you than usual, especially while he gets used to things.

But don't let him do things that bother you and use T as an excuse! Transitioning is a really selfish thing for a while - it's all about me, me, me. Being open and communicative with each other is going to be key to maintaining a healthy relationship while you both get used to the changes that he's going through.

The sore throat typically accompanies a voice drop. Drink some tea with honey in it. Try to come up with a list of activities that make him feel dudely, or that help with the dysphoria. I like shaving my head or face, and going to the gym. A hormonal shift can also induce fatigue. So make sure he's getting enough rest and eating well.

[RaptorChops]

But don't let him do things that bother you and use T as an excuse! Transitioning is a really selfish thing for a while - it's all about me, me, me. Being open and communicative with each other is going to be key to maintaining a healthy relationship while you both get used to the changes that he's going through.

Completely agree with you on this Max. Don't let him use T as an excuse for everything!! I'd say give him a few months to get the T more into his body, allow him to get use to the changes of the hormones.

Also don't feel obligated to stay with him if he DOES continue to make you feel bad. It doesn't make you a bad person. I give you kudos for dealing with this and you're just as strong as someone who is going through a transition. You're transitioning together in a sense. It's ver y hard to find someone accepting of something like this. Props to the significant others!

[sam1234]

I don't know how old your partner is but he probably missed all the male rituals and behaviors learned from the older guys in the class ahead. He is going through a late puberty. The difference is that cis guys go through puberty living at home with few responsibilities except homework. Your partner had to go through puberty as an adult with adult responsibilities. Mood swings are common in puberty, so is erratic behavior.

Were you dealing with an adolescent, you wouldn't let him get away with abuse and you can't let the behavior go without attempting to correct it. Counceling for the both of you might be a good idea. Don't put yourself in a position where his comments or outbursts eat away at your self esteem. Mood swings happen, but he is still responsible for his actions and words.

sam1234