I met a very nice therapist that sounded very knowledgable about trans issues, had lots of experience with past patients, etc. We got along fine, our conversations weren't too heavy, she didn't get too deep with personal questions. In all, a very successful appointment.
When it came to discussing hormones, I told her I would love to start on it, but that I was familiar with the half a year of gender therapy first rule. She then (pleasantly) surprised me that she could write me a letter for hormone therapy "as soon as I can write one". She told me she writes an average of 10-15 letters each week and that it would undoubtedly take some time, but I assured her I was patient.
When I told Mom about it, she seemed significantly less enthused. She was kind enough to set me up with this woman in the first place, but she was completely taken aback by how quickly I wanted to begin hormones, and how quickly I could be approved for them. She, like me, was familiar with the concept of MONTHS of gender therapy before getting a referral.
She said there was no way the therapist could tell I was ready for HRT, implied that my gender issues may not even be serious, that there was no way I could REALLY be trans since I didn't express dysphoria my whole life, that my genderqueer friend was responsible for awakening my dysphoria, it was upsetting.
When I explained (for the hundredth time) that my dysphoria was more or less hidden for years until I finally made sense of it last year, that my friend had nothing to do with my wanting to transition, that I'm not looking to 'belong' to a group, and that I legitimately feel terrible about my feminine appearance, AND how much better I feel identifying as male, she asked me something that threw me.
"Okayyy... So what is the rush? Now that you know how much better you feel, why can't you wait?"
I did not know how to process that... She honestly told me wanting to jump the gun so quick on hormones is "suspicious"... whatever that means.
Mom insists that this is another one of my "Asperger's obsessions" comparing how for years I was in love with anything related to dragons, the years I spent wanting to be a forensic scientist, like this dysphoria is most likely another phase in my life, more or less.
The only thing we compromised on was allowing her to come in to the next appointment on tuesday. And if the therapist can convince her that I am ready to start hormones as soon as I can, then she'll allow it.
I told Mom I understand that this is a massive change, and a sudden one at that. Our family is going through too much stress right now, and it seems to be attacking us from all sides. I didn't want to be another heavy burden added to the load, but these issues with my gender more or less couldn't stay hidden.
Maybe the whole deal with hormone therapy could be that my wanting to be a guy just became more real to Mom? IS it really a bad thing that I want to start as soon as I am able?
