Need some thoughts about my current situation/getting started.

[runner4life93]

Hi,
    I just turned 22 years old and for the better part of my youth and adult life I've struggled tremendously with feeling like mentally I'm female.  I've never led on that I deviate from the "norm," and have created quite the facade of masculinity.  When I was younger the feelings weren't so bad given that I was rather androgynous and people treated me as such, but in the last two years especially I've noticed a massive uptick in my physical maturity and I absolutely hate it.  A few weeks ago I met with a therapist to talk about these feelings, and while she was super nice and really receptive, I kind of felt like she was expecting me to have already made a decision to begin a transition in the near future, and therein lies my issue. 
    I graduated college last December and am planning on going to graduate school in the spring to get my teaching license.  I still live at home with the folks and am working some varied part time jobs to save up some money in the interim, but I'm not exactly financially stable if I were to get kicked out (which would most definitely occur).  To make matters worse my immediate family is kind of all I have in terms of social connection, and losing them would be horrendous for me psychologically.   
     I guess I'm just looking for ideas as to how I could handle this situation.  I know I can't live my life as a dude, and it seems as if by the day I'm becoming more and more masculine, and as stated previously, I hate it.  I just feel that if I wait much longer I won't be passable, and that scares me greatly given that I know I could have smoothly transitioned when I was in my late teens.  I know ultimately I just need to grow up, move out, and not worry about what others think, but if anyone has experienced a situation similar to this or just has some general insight I'd greatly appreciate it.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. This is one of those problems where you only have two options and you aren't ready or willing to do either. You can buy time if you are on hormone blockers that will stop any additional damage from T and will ease the pressure on you mind caused by the aggressive nature of T. Your body will not develop in a feminine direction but instead will just stay static. This would buy you the time to finish school and become self supporting and then you can make a decision. Should the the medication be discovered, it's normal use is as a blood pressure medication so you can claim it's for that instead of the off label usage as a blocker.

Now is the time to educate yourself and possibly work on clearing your beard if the money is available and plan your future. Should the beard removal be discovered, again it is sometime used to solve ingrown hair problems.

In the end, you are now an adult and will have to decide what you want in life. We are willing to provide any information you need for this decision so feel free to ask.

[runner4life93]

      I really appreciate the response.  I definitely wouldn't mind finding a way to "stall" things, and I'll start doing some research.  I actually don't have facial hair (aside from few furs on bottom of chin), so I think some of my anxiety is definitely correlated to that developing if I don't do anything about it in the near future.  In terms of my current life, it's definitely frustrating to not be fully self-sustaining at my age, but I'm just trying to push through schooling as debt-free as possible, hence my current living status.  Once again, thanks for the reply!

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome 

here are a few resources that could help you.
You could have a look here and the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439

Well its up to you... but usually its difficult to tell how people may react...
how is your parents opinion concerning lgbt issues ?
What is their opinion of Jenner ?

hugs

[Dee Marshall]

Hormone blockers like spironolactone if you can get them and maybe laser on your chin might help while you establish yourself, but beware! Doing a little can make you anxious to do more. Any way you handle it this condition requires strength from you. Social isolation makes it so much harder. Perhaps it isn't much, but you're not completely isolated. You have us now.

[katrinaw]

Big warm welcome to Susan's Runner4life93

Just s little light reading to help you around the forum's

Things that you should read

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Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, and signature images policy

Hi,
    I just turned 22 years old and for the better part of my youth and adult life I've struggled tremendously with feeling like mentally I'm female.  I've never led on that I deviate from the "norm," and have created quite the facade of masculinity. 

I knew at 4, but did the same till my late forties but by then was married and had 3 kids, and now Grandkids.... but I never stopped doubting,  dreaming and internally an emotional wreck.

First advice is, if you are sure, seek assistance and move into transition, the longer you leave it and hid it, the more life gets tangled and harder to undo... exactly where I have been. Also you need to kill the T running around, try and get in front of a therapist to help you on your journey.
Losing family is hard, very hard, but you know your drivers and needs better than anyone, you own your destiny. Best wishes to you and your journey.

Oh I look forward to seeing you about the forum's

L Katy