Possibly a strange question - what is commitment when you are trans*?

[Cindy]

Sorry if this is an odd question, what is a committed relationship anyway. What does it mean for us. Do you want one. What does it mean?

Both men and women are welcome to reply.

[Laurette Mohr]

 I would love one but feel that I'd be unworthy of one. Because once everything gets done that I want done I still won't be attractive enough to be worthy of another's love.  I don't want someone settling for second rate.

[Rejennyrated]

I dont see that being trans or having a trans history really makes any difference does it?

I suppose the dinosaurs that bang on about one man and one woman may get their knickers in a knot, but frankly I dont really care much, it's entirely their problem and loss if they can't figure it all out.

As far as I am concerned its the burning building test - if the building was on fire and your "partner" was in there, would you go back in to save them at possible cost of your own life? If the answer is yes then congratulations, I guess you have a committed relationship of sorts...

Oh and yes - I have had one postop that lasted 25 years before I was windowed... and I'm in the early stages of another, so I guess I value them and want one of them.

[Laura_7]

I would love one but feel that I'd be unworthy of one. Because once everything gets done that I want done I still won't be attractive enough to be worthy of another's love.  I don't want someone settling for second rate.

No human being is second rate.
And don't compare. People are all different.
Someone has a great sense of humour... is caring... or wherever the strengths are...

Ever looked around and seen someone not very attractive together with someone very attractive ?
Well they have something to make up for... maybe they are nice... have a supportive personality (all within reason of course)...

[JoanneB]

"Trans*" makes a difference??

IMO, a committed relationship is one you are willing to put the hard work into to keep "The Partnership" together. To keep your best friend, reality therapist, the person who sees aspects of you that you don't. The person whom you know you can count on. (Slightly dysfunctional alert) Most of all the person whose life and happiness counts as much, if not more, then your own.

Full disclosure, my wife, bff, soul mate, reality therapist, et al, of over 30 years is trans. No, to be is nothing but a woman though I know her life as well as if I grew up with her. However, about the same can be said for Wife #1 and Almost Wife#2. All 3 significant women in my life came with baggage and/or challenges. Like, I am no prize either made even less so when I dropped the T-Bomb 6 years ago.

All relationships take work by both parties to maintain as each of you grow as people, hopefully in the same general direction. Some, just should never have been to start with.

[katrinaw]

As humans we have an inherent need, on the whole, for partnering, soul mates, close friends and communications.

I don't believe regardless of who we are that we should believe we are isolated based on our identities, it is very clear that we "own" our own destinies, if we behave like wilting lilies we will become that.

I intend to be positive, sure and totally warm and friendly, as today, not everyone will reciprocate, some will; if a loving partnership occurs, then, as at any other time it would be based on mutual commitment!

Not sure if this is an answer to the question, but I would like to think it is?

Katy xxx

[Serenation]

Being committed to one person and making that relationship work.  Being trans can just make things a little more complicated.

[leacobb]

I would love one but feel that I'd be unworthy of one. Because once everything gets done that I want done I still won't be attractive enough to be worthy of another's love.  I don't want someone settling for second rate.

Everybody is beautiful. On the inside and out.. Everyone is worthy of happiness, love snd loyalty.. There are billions of people all over the world which makes it easier to find your partner. Or even knowing that there is always someone for you...
You could go to the shops tomorrow and bump into someone and lock eyes.. It could happen very easily for all of us. Any of us.

Sent from my LG-D722 using Tapatalk

[Jenna Marie]

Yeah, count me as another genuinely confused why transness matters... but I'm still married to the same person I was pre-transition and we've been together since we were teenagers, so maybe I'm missing the point somehow.

[cartowheel]

Personally, being trans (and being a minority under the trans umbrella) has made me stop taking my relationship with my fiancee for granted.  I discovered I was trans two years into our relationship, and she has shown me nothing but the best understanding and support, something I haven't seen much of from significant others who were around before the coming out. 

Transness shouldn't matter, and to us it probably doesn't, but if we are with people who are cis, it usually just takes a little more work and patience on our part.  Or at least until the way that society sees trans people changes.

[stephaniec]

I wish I knew

[Batmanlovr]

I am perfectly fine being without a relationship right now, I came out of an abusive relationship three years ago but at least I got two healthy little boys out of it which live with their father right now till next year ( still haven't come out to their father yet kinda chicken to cause I fear he will take the boys from me) but right now I feel like I don't need a relationship..I just want to work on myself first.

[KathyLauren]

I don't think that committment changes.  But being trans and committed is complicated.  I can't just make decisions based on what is right for me.  That's only half the story.  I have to also consider what is best for my wife when I make my decisions.  And, if I do that, I hope that it also means that she'll stick by me.

[AnonyMs]

I don't think I understand the question.

[MsMarlo]

Not odd at all, Cindy.  I guess it all depends on what your definition is, as commitment does seem to have several variations.

For example, if one is in an open relationship, the couple may be "committed" to each other but free to date and sleep with other people.  I guess the disclaimer is "as long as we come home to each other."

Yet on the other hand, commitment to another couple may be a strict prima facia definition, where you are committed to each other with no room for anyone else.  Then of course we have our non-interactive commitments, such as a commitment to school, work, weight loss program, or transitioning.

We, as transgender men and women, take our commitment seriously; we put our hearts, minds, souls, and of course our bodies into the mix.  It is what makes us strong, it is what makes us who, and not what, we are.  We're committed to ourselves first and foremost, then each other, and to our community.

Not a strange question at all, sweetie  :-)

[suzifrommd]

Sorry if this is an odd question, what is a committed relationship anyway. What does it mean for us. Do you want one. What does it mean?

Both men and women are welcome to reply.

I recognize you are not perfect, but I choose you anyway.
I recognize that I will meet others who seem more attractive/intelligent/suitable, but I choose you anyway.
By choosing you, I will do everything in my power to make our partnership work.
By choosing you, I trust that you will do everything in your power to make our partnership work.
I understand the trust you are putting in me. I will not violate it.
I will be there for you when I possibly can be, in whatever way I can.
I promise I will be your traveling companion on the road of life.

[Mariah]

Relationships involve give and take from both and are just are just as important to all of us. Being trans doesn't preclude us from necessarily from needing or wanting to be in a relationship. I put a lot of effort in mine and trust has been an important thing for both of us along with being considerate of each others needs as we grow together. It's a commitment to each other regardless of problems and situations that arise. It's being understanding, considerate, caring, and loving towards each other. I totally agree with Suzi and how she responded too. All the responses have been good. Hugs
Mariah

[Qrachel]

Hi:

I'd love to answer and I want to take your question seriously.  For me to do so I need some context because in matters of relationships context is everything.

TTFN,

R

[Cindy]

Lovely responses to a difficult question.

The reason for the question: for some of us our sexual preference either change or becomes accepted, as we become - us.

I'm a married woman, married to a woman who I love. I'm attracted to men. I have a cisgender straight boyfriend.

How does your commitment change?

The thread is meant to be thought provoking!

[KathyLauren]

Lovely responses to a difficult question.

The reason for the question: for some of us our sexual preference either change or becomes accepted, as we become - us.

I'm a married woman, married to a woman who I love. I'm attracted to men. I have a cisgender straight boyfriend.

How does your commitment change?

The thread is meant to be thought provoking!

I think that, trans or cis, gay or straight, there are only four ways to deal with committment: uphold it, modify it, terminate it, or violate it.  I don't recommend the last one.