Earrings or boobs?

[Ms Grace]

A trans guy friend of mine recently posted this to Facebook about a particular page in the webcomic Questionable Content...

Disbelief suspension fail! Claire is a transwoman. She has boobs. She has already engaged in a far more empowering expression of control over her body than getting a couple of holes punched in her ears!

I replied...

Actually, you'd be surprised at how immensely significant having one's ears pierced is for many trans women.

He replied...

But so much of a big deal it eclipses the memory of growing boobs, etc? The sense of Amaze would make sense to me if it was earrings first, then hormones, but round the other way?

Someone else added...

I've never thought of earrings as being particularly gendered. Then again I got in trouble for (accurately) drawing my short-haired mum and long-haired, earringed dad in kindy, so maybe I'm not with the majority in that perception.

My response...

All I can say is that it is a momentous occasion. Probably because boobs take freakin' two to three years to grow, earrings five seconds. And yes they aren't gendered per se, but they are when you get into certain styles.

He said "fair enough"...!

I can understand his point, growing boobs is a significant biological event for transwomen but from my own experience (and others I've seen here) getting your ears pierced, if they aren't already, can be very significant for a whole range of reasons. I guess the two can't be compared but I'm not wrong suggesting getting your girly ear piercings is momentous, am I?? 

[Cindy]

For me getting my ears pierced was the affirmation that I was going to transition. It caused me great angst. Just ask V M!! She held my hand through the whole mental fight.

Growing boobs? Piece of cake

[Ms Grace]

That's kind of how I saw it too.

[Lady Smith]

Getting my ears pierced was certainly significant for me.  It was my way of declaring to the world that I wasn't going to live a lie no more.  And I was a big cowardy custard because the first time I went to get them done I was too nervous and backed out.  The next day I went back though and after much encouragement from the shop staff I did finally get my ears pierced

[Cindy]

I think part of it is the feelings and worries of starting off. The first time you go out in female clothing - that terror! Starting RLE - no I can't do that! Going to work as a 'guy' wearing nail polish. Facing up to going to laser or electro (will they laugh at me?).
Coming out to family, friends - no way can I do that!

And then you are on the trans train and no way will you be derailed.

Acceptance of your gender, acceptance of your sexuality all magically become - easy (?) well for some of us.

Now looking back, I cannot understand why I was so frightened!

[Ms Grace]

Now looking back, I cannot understand why I was so frightened!

Looking back at my first go at transition I wonder the same thing. In fact getting my ears pierced then was one of the first things I did! Then when I decided to stop transition I took them out and let them close up. A signal of self defeat if ever there was one!

[stephaniec]

I need my ears pierced I want some pearls

[LizK]

I got my first ear pieced when I was 18 as a big middle finger to the world but the other ear was the significant one for me as it was the first thing I did for the similar reasons to Lady Smith. It was my turning point to say to myself I am not going back only forward...

[Dee Marshall]

When I started this whole thing I wasn't even sure I wanted boobs, or, more accurately I both wanted and didn't want them. (I knew that the cost to my marriage would be high.) Earrings? I have one ear pierced and have had for decades. It doesn't close up even when I go years without. Getting the other done is on my short list, but hiding my beard shadow is my big desire.

On the whole, earrings are not a big deal. In the area I live in plenty of males have two piercings. Boobs take a while, but boobs for the win.

[iKate]

I had my ears pierced as a kid and they closed up. I still haven't re pierced them

[Cindy]

Funny this thread has brought back so many memories.

Big turning point? The day I went into a jewellery designer and commissioned my bracelet. I told them my journey and they changed my design slightly.

It is solid sliver, I paid a deposit and when I went to collect it the wife of the jeweller told me, Cindy, there is no charge, we want to give this bracelet to you, you shared your story and your soul. Please this is our gift.

First time I was accepted for being me.

Since then they redesigned my wife's engagement ring to fit me (the stone was given to me by a male lover many years ago, i thought making it her engagement ring would cure me!) and made my necklace on commission. I live an odd life!

[Laurette Mohr]

 Earrings are VERY significant to me because that was my first expression of femininity at the tender age of 5 years old. They were cheap little hoop earrings and I begged mom to buy them for me. She said no that earrings were for girls and boys didn't wear earrings. I was crushed but I did leave the store with them anyways. Yes I know bad very bad.

[KittyKat]

Earrings were definitely a bigger deal for me I got 3 in each ear in one go once I was on ETS leave from the Army. Now they're kinda my thing at work, I try to wear different earrings everyday and I get various compliants through the day which makes me feel pretty good  . Has far as boobs go I still feel like I have itty bitty titties, but my girlfriend seems to like playing with them.

[Maybebaby56]

I only started hormones a couple of months ago, so I don't have anything more than some serious man-boobs.  I imagine that when I start seeing some areolar development it will be quite a fulfilling feeling.

However, getting my ears pierced was a big, big step for me, perhaps the bravest thing I have done so far.  I was scared to death of negative comments, primarily at work. I got  one neutral comment, "Did you get you ears pierced?", one incredulous comment from my wife (I'm separated), which eventually led to me admitting to her that I am transgender, and one in-your-face comment, "What's up with the earrings?", that from a man at work.

He went on to say, "Usually when a guy shows up with pierced ears, it's either a mid-life crisis, or because of a woman."  I told him, yes, it was because of a woman.  I didn't mention that the woman in question was me.

[captains]

Y'all are making me jealous! I wish there was a gender-affirming equivalent for guys. The closest thing I can think of is going to the drugstore and picking up men's body wash -- which, if I'm honest, I'd already been doing for years. It was still a weirdly big deal though, picking up the Old Spice for the first time after coming out to myself. I remember hovering in the isle holding the bottles to my chest as though the sales associate were waiting around the corner to snatch them out of my hands.

I don't think it's quite like the earring thing thought because it's just not permanent or even semi-permanent. Haircut in a barber shop, maybe? First binder/packer? I dunno.

Sounds like a nice experience, though.

[noleen111]

Getting my ears pierced was a significant step, as like most of you girls, it was the first time I did.

I actually have 3 holes in each ear and these holes mark my transition. My first set were pierced when I embraced my feminine side, Now I started crossdressing regularly in full outfits, I also started exploring the idea I could be a woman.

My second set of holes, I had done when I started hormones, to show I am a woman now...

my 3rd set of holes, I had done after SRS, to show my journey is complete.

To celebrate my feminine side, also I got a small stud pierced into my nose and my navel pierced during my transition,  two very feminine piercings .

But growing breasts was also significant for me, I will never forgot how wonderful it felt when my saw my breast buds and even better the first time I filled a bra with my own breasts.

[Harley Quinn]

I would tend to agree the two are in separate categories. Getting your ears pierced would be huge step. Next to getting huge dove tattoos on your collarbones.

The breast growth thing is a natural event from coming of age (on hormones), earrings is more of something you do for yourself. Earrings are a way to frame your face and attract the gaze of passers-by to your facial features. I'd see that as a huge undertaking. Although ear piercing is more common for guys than it once was, it's still very much a feminine thing in many areas and circles.

[Harley Quinn]

@ Captains: The only thing I could think of as remotely gender affirming for a guy would be the tattoo. And even then, it's not for everyone.

[lostcharlie]

Have to agree that pierced ears are symbolic of the acceptance of your true self. That said I still haven't crossed that line even though the desire is almost overwhelming at times. Why you might ask ? Probably still struggling with self acceptance to some degree and fear. Working hard on the self acceptance. The fear is that of the reaction of the few friends I have and the pure hell it would create on my job. My employer is super unaccepting of anything outside their definition of "normal". Need to work on the fear part because I think I'm fast approaching the "just do it" tipping point.

Shout out to captains. For my generation, guy's symbolic gestures of "I'm a man" usually involved growing sideburns, mustache, and beards or various combinations of the above.

[allisonsteph]

I'm 46, and when I was younger even a single piercing was seen as rebellious. For people younger than myself it is just a fashion choice.

Getting my ears pierced was a HUGE step for me. I got my ears pierced the last day I ever wore male clothing, September 20, 2013. I had been fired from my job earlier in the day, and my boyfriend at the time suggested it as a little pick-me-up. It was a subtle symbol that I was passing through the gateway, never to turn back.