Becoming a Dude Without T/Surgery

[TommyV]

'Sup all,

I'm new here. Y'can call me Tommy. I hail from Quebec, Canada. I'm a DJ, actor, writer, and 24/7 goofball. I'm quite to-the-point and definitely not shy about discussing my discovery that I'm a bloke on the inside. So far it's been feeling like a liberation- with its rollercoaster of emotions. I'm a tempermental person but I've learned to make my peace with how I need to let everything out- that it's not a weakness, but really a step towards happiness. I guess I've been working on my spirituality.

I want to ask (from a true place of inner torment with significantly confusing levels of dysphoria); do any of you have success stories about transitioning without T or any surgery at all? Can you give me some input on what you've done to still pass as a bloke and not get called ''madam'' throughout your everyday life- perhaps even going as far as seducing a straight chick that didn't freak when she knew you were transgender?

Any inspirational stories and tips will help me think all this through. I'm not totally crossing off the option of going for T or doing top surgery- honestly though I'd like to hear about the possibilities without. I'm going through one of them downers. Came out properly two weeks ago. It's chaotic in my head, and reading threads here has been helping me tremendously in that quest to feel more together. Gotta thank you all for being awesome.

And that's my cue- thanks in advance for sharing.

[Prof Glitterbuks]

Hi Tommy!
I came out about four years ago meself and have been out to friends and family since.
Because the road to hrt and surgery is so long where i live, I have instead transitinoed socially to the point where i have been stealth in school and previously at work for two or three years.

It isn't always easy and I have been blessed with a lot of masculine traits to begin with but there are definitely steps that can be taken to help you pass!

Getting a male haircut and dressing the part is a big part of it, the other part, I would say, is how you carry yourself.
Being confident and sure of yourself goes a long way.
I've found that having people adress you as a man catches on and spreads pretty quickly to the new people you meet, and if not, then a polite but firm correction usually does the trick.

I wish you all the best and good luck!

[FTMax]

This is going to be all over the place, so I apologize. Trying to hit everything I can think of.

You could try natural transitioning. It is more of a lifestyle shift, and involves supplementing and eating/working out at basically a competitive bodybuilder level to achieve some degree of masculinization. Some people say it works, some people say it doesn't, either way it's a lot of effort for not as much masculinization as T would give you. It is also likely going to be much more expensive and time involved than going on T.

I naturally had a lower voice pre-T. Being conscious of typical male speech patterns helps and may keep you from inflecting your voice into a higher range more often. There are probably YouTube videos you could look at.

Small appearance things like cutting my hair, binding, and working to achieve a broader shoulder span in relation to my waist helped with passing a lot. A lot of passing is also how you carry yourself and your mannerisms. I passed more than 50% of the time pre-everything just by being more aware of how men typically act and doing what they did. You could be on T for years and have had top surgery, but if you're doing things that people read as female, you'll be gendered female. Watch guys in public. Watch guys on TV. Emulate.

Transitioning socially would help as well. If you're in public with friends and they're saying he/him/his and calling you a typical male name, you're much less likely to be misgendered.

Read some threads on the FTM board about passing. Really, read as many threads as you can. There are a lot of good thoughts and experiences laid out here. T and surgery aren't for everyone, but you're very early in your journey so I'd invest some time in research before you write them off. I was positive pre-transition that I didn't want to go on T, and now that I'm on it there's no way I'd ever go back.

[FTMDiaries]

Hi Tommy, and welcome!

In my experience, transition is very much a personal thing. It's entirely about getting yourself to a position where you can feel comfortable with yourself. For some people, that could mean things like changing your presentation: cutting your hair, binding, packing etc. but not going through a medical transition. That's fine, and it is much more successful if (as others have said) you are already reasonably masculine in your presentation. But for others (such as myself), nothing but a full medical transition will do.

I tried all the social stuff like changing my name, my presentation, getting new ID identifying me as male etc. but nothing stopped the 'madams' and the 'loves' and the 'shes'. The only time these things stopped for me was after I'd been on T for about 8 months, when my face shape started changing, my voice was significantly lower, and I had sufficient facial hair to not be identified by other people as a 'butch lesbian' - which in my case couldn't be further from the truth, because I'm not into girls and I never have been. Maybe I was just unlucky? I know other guys who have been much more successful. But for me, it had to be T and top surgery at a minimum.

So my advice to you would be to try all the social stuff first and see if it's enough. If it works (and it could well do), great! But if it isn't, then you know you still have the medical route to consider.

There is one other thing though: you mentioned...

perhaps even going as far as seducing a straight chick that didn't freak when she knew you were transgender?

That right there is a huge can of worms and you'll need to think very carefully about how you approach this.

I'm not sure about the legality of this in Canada, but in plenty of countries there have been court cases where people have been prosecuted and convicted of sexual assault for not telling partners that their biology doesn't match their presentation. It's very controversial (and you'll see a bunch of opinions here on all sides) but the gist of it is that everyone has the right to consent to sex with whomever they fancy, but that consent can be called into question when a person specifically consented to have sex with a man, but that person turned out to be legally and physically female (or vice versa). This is hugely discriminatory because the same doesn't apply if somebody doesn't disclose, say, their true age or their marital status or even their STD status, but that is the way the cookie crumbles in many regions so you need to do your homework & tread carefully.

It's for this very reason (and others) that many of us think it's safest to come out to any potential sexual partner before any sexual activity commences. That way, consent has been properly established and everyone can (hopefully) have a good time. So charm her with your awesome self, go out on a date or two, and then disclose your status. If she still wants to go for it, you're on to a winner. If not, she probably wouldn't have been OK with it anyway and most importantly, she probably wouldn't have consented. It sucks to have to do this, but in many cases we don't have much choice, particularly if you don't undergo any medical transition.

As for how you go about 'seducing a straight chick'? Not my area I'm afraid.

[makipu]

You could be on T for years and have had top surgery, but if you're doing things that people read as female, you'll be gendered female.

Disturbingly sad but generally true... EVEN when my official documents are changed to male, they called me otherwise.