Feeling Wrong

[OliviaCanada]

Hi I'm 15 and am going to a clinic to talk about perhaps transitioning into a girl through hormones in just two weeks. But I'm beginning to feel uneasy, I've read so many stories about people and their transitions and they always seem to have this key thing that I'm missing, they usually acted like at least in some way the opposite gender before transition. Maybe they hung out with people of the other gender (in my case it would be girls) maybe they played with their toys. I never did anything like that, I've always acted like other boys in every way, I've just had this nagging feeling that something about me was wrong and when I found out that trans people exist I just knew what it was that I felt was wrong. I just don't know, maybe I could be wrong?
       Has anyone heard about something like this happening? Where someone wants to transition into something that they act nothing like? any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Dena]

Transitioning is about what you feel on the inside. I am 33 years post surgical and I am a handy woman around work. If it breaks, I fix or I know how to fix it. We also feel different levels of discomfort. In my case I was extremely uncomfortable and had to live with it for a long time before entering treatment. At age 15 you must have discovered it when you entered puberty and the feeling haven't developed very much. Wait a few more years and you will be hurting far more than you are now. My guess is they will put you on blockers and not hormones. This will stop your male development allowing you more time to make up your mind. Latter you will have the option to stop the blockers and resume developing as a male or continue the blockers and develop as a female. The decision will always be up to you and they shouldn't do anything to you that you don't approve of. You should also be allow to live as a girl and this will give you time to see if the role is right for you.

Don't worry about what you have done in the past because people discover ourselves at different ages. Some people know at age 3, other discover themselves in puberty and still others marry and have children before the feeling come out. In a way you are very lucky to be treated this young because your options will be open no matter what you decide.

[Laura_7]

I'd say try to relax.

You could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885

Its a transgender spectrum...
not all people knew from early on.

Its often that we do something and later some voices of doubt come up.
Just try to relax and listen to your inner feelings, what gives you a feeling of joy.

Hormones are sometimes started slowly, so people can see how they make them feel.
Many people experience relief.


hugs

[buttertly]

Hi I'm 15 and am going to a clinic to talk about perhaps transitioning into a girl through hormones in just two weeks. But I'm beginning to feel uneasy, I've read so many stories about people and their transitions and they always seem to have this key thing that I'm missing, they usually acted like at least in some way the opposite gender before transition. Maybe they hung out with people of the other gender (in my case it would be girls) maybe they played with their toys. I never did anything like that, I've always acted like other boys in every way, I've just had this nagging feeling that something about me was wrong and when I found out that trans people exist I just knew what it was that I felt was wrong. I just don't know, maybe I could be wrong?
       Has anyone heard about something like this happening? Where someone wants to transition into something that they act nothing like? any help would be greatly appreciated.

No! You are fine.

Surely you wanted to play tea parties and dolls?

I might get flack for saying this but it's more important how you look. Most of us are really just down about passability. Read the posts. It matters because if people know you are biologically male they'll never really accept you as a woman.

Please go to the appointment. You can decide after.  Oh and don't tell them any of this negative stuff. Doubt brings on bigotry like a red rag to a bull. Just go in there and tell them you longed to play tea parties but felt you weren't allowed. Or say you did.

It's your decision and you must get on testosterone blockers this instant. There is no time to loose!  Transitioning must be done young.

[LizK]

It's ok to have doubts...If this is something you know then don't let a few myths get in the way. I would suggest that if you have a really close look at what is inside of you and what you really feel...forget about the other garbage...its about what is inside you ..that core feeling...the stuff no one knows about...in there, have a look. If when you remove all the junk from your thinking and I said to you...if all things were perfect, you were happy that your "history" was Ok, would you still want to transition? It is ok if you cannot answer these questions that is why you are going to see someone. It may take you some time to work through what it is you want but if you have the opportunity to do it now then don't wait your whole life, don't put yourself through years of pain and anguish. This is an opportunity for you to really sort this out for yourself and I implore you to be honest with yourself and your therapist/counsellor so that what ever you end up doing you will be happy.

Transitioning may be the best thing you ever did as long as you are doing it for the right reasons.

Take  care

Sarah T

[suzifrommd]

       Has anyone heard about something like this happening? Where someone wants to transition into something that they act nothing like? any help would be greatly appreciated.

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

I started questioning my gender at age 50, having never worn women's clothing, or acted in any way female. But I'd always had an interest in things having to do with women, always been more comfortable with female friendships, and preferred movies and books with female characters.

I've been happily living full time as a woman for more than two years, so I'm obviously trans.

Please don't believe  the "traditional narrative" (always knew you were female, played with dolls as a kid, wanted glittery toys, etc.) Many of us don't fit that.

[Ms Grace]

Some do, some don't. I never did, mainly because there wasn't an opportunity to growing up. My sister and I were fairly close and she and I often often played together with dolls/action figures in our pre teen years. Her friends were generally off limits to me though. I never expressed certain desires to be a girl, I don't think I really understood what I wanted and it seemed impossible so I just shut up about it. When you live in a cis gender society all the avenues to express being trans gender are usually unavailable or treated with abuse/ridicule so we learn pretty quickly to keep it a secret or push it so far down we "forget" about it.

[chloeD33]

Girl at 15 you are still young. Which is good, because if you get her you can stop a lot of the T effects. I started to have serious feelings I was a girl at 13 yet only allows myself to display it at age 20. Don't fall into that trap. Talk it out asap... Don't bottle and stay in a closet. If you do you will end up in real therapy for years. Talk it out and start to discover yourself. You could be a feminate male or a girl . Express yourself and be yourself! If your a girl then let that girl out! Hope that helped.

[chloeD33]

Hrt ** not her

[chloeD33]

If it helps... I had periods as a kid where I wanted to be a girl. Especially 7-8 age range. From latish 2001 to most of 2002 I loved powerpuff girls, totally spies, playing peach during her roles on paper Mario 64. Even had nails painted. But non masculinity was a no no in boys back in 2002 . I never realized I had periods in my life were my actions and such non-boy until I discovered myself recently and no longer feel a void in that area anyway. But the other poster is right, some don't know until much later. Transitioning is a personal journey, not a collective race!

[Katy]

I'd like to suggest a somewhat different approach to your upcoming meeting with a therapist.  I write with all due respect to those who have already written to you and suggested that transitioning may be the answer to your "feeling wrong."  Personally I think it may be too early (early in terms of your seeking assistance from a counselor) to even be thinking about transitioning.  I would humbly like to suggest that you simply be completely open and honest about what you are feeling when you speak to your professional and not go into the session(s) with any preconceived notions about the way forward.  Let the professional earn their fee by listening and offering her/his best suggestions to help you through this rough patch.  All the best, Olivia.

[chloeD33]

Agreed ^
Honesty is the best way to go!

[Laura_7]

I'd like to suggest a somewhat different approach to your upcoming meeting with a therapist.  I write with all due respect to those who have already written to you and suggested that transitioning may be the answer to your "feeling wrong."  Personally I think it may be too early (early in terms of your seeking assistance from a counselor) to even be thinking about transitioning.  I would humbly like to suggest that you simply be completely open and honest about what you are feeling when you speak to your professional and not go into the session(s) with any preconceived notions about the way forward.  Let the professional earn their fee by listening and offering her/his best suggestions to help you through this rough patch.  All the best, Olivia.

Well there can be a few possible reasons for restraints.
Something picked up from others... or from some media...
some transgender people unconsciously read others expectations, and may try to adapt... knowing helps here, and listening to inner feelings... what brings a feeling of joy for themselves...

this is why it can be important to have a good gender therapist to help sort it out and get a view of the own feelings...
open communication is needed here...

but imo its also important to simply voice ones own wishes and needs, to the therapist and others...
so the impetus comes not only from the therapist, and the therapist is kind of asked to support...

well I'd say don't be shy... just talk, and ask questions to them if you have any.
Just be yourself.

Same here... ask questions... take part...


hugs

[Qrachel]

Dear OC:

I transitioned at 59 and until the day I saw a therapist about gender identity I was completely stealth.  In fact, 10 years before I dealt with it, I was in couples therapy and the therapist brought it up and shortly there after I suspended therapy.

I'm not saying you are or aren't unique, just that I was totally male socialized until that stopped working completely and dealing with with GID became necessary.

Good for you that you're coming to terms with GID at a young age.  I'd suggest you have a long talk about this with your therapist or maybe begin socializing as a female at some level you and your therapist are comfortable with. 

HRT is a huge step . . . proceed as your comfort allows and remember it's your transition.

Take good care and stay in touch here,

Rache

[JoanneB]

Doubts and fears are good. People who want to be trans are as rare as unicorns.

Starting HRT is a MAJOR step which is why most doctors want the Cover Your Ass letter from a therapist before even thinking about giving you any. Being only 15 adds in more complications, like parents saying it's OK.

Try looking up your local PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) group for help. They also tend to have trans support too.

[CarlyMcx]

Hi I'm 15 and am going to a clinic to talk about perhaps transitioning into a girl through hormones in just two weeks.

The "talk about perhaps transitioning" part of things should include at least one session (probably a lot more than one ) with a gender therapist where you will be diagnosed.  You will not be given hormones unless and until after you have been diagnosed by a therapist.

This will involve a lot of talking to a gender therapist.  Remember, the therapist is there to help you, so be completely honest with your therapist and do not leave anything out about yourself.

[sweetbriar9]

I'd like to suggest a somewhat different approach to your upcoming meeting with a therapist.  I write with all due respect to those who have already written to you and suggested that transitioning may be the answer to your "feeling wrong."  Personally I think it may be too early (early in terms of your seeking assistance from a counselor) to even be thinking about transitioning.  I would humbly like to suggest that you simply be completely open and honest about what you are feeling when you speak to your professional and not go into the session(s) with any preconceived notions about the way forward.  Let the professional earn their fee by listening and offering her/his best suggestions to help you through this rough patch.  All the best, Olivia.

     I agree with this. The reason for therapy is to figure out what feels right. Be careful about who you choose though, the first one might not always be the right one. Try to believe in yourself, and always question whether you believe in what they say. Don't just go along with it. I got really good at saying "no, you are wrong" to my last therapist. With that in mind, I think that there may be a guide somewhere as to what to watch out for in a therapist. Was that on this site somewhere?