I am married (30 years) to a woman who knew before we married that I am transgender. I had 2 failed marriages before that. She is fine with it. I have had full beard removal, and have been on HRT for 12 years. We have always been discreet but not secretive. We have no children. What prevents my final transition is work. I have a good job but there is no way I could wear anything overtly fem at work.
Now the reason that I bring this up is that you said you had children. What would your job situation be if your boss ran into you en Fem and your family at the local eating spot? The absolute #1 causes of divorce are money and job issues. As understanding as my wife may be, I was willing to compromise on transitioning to maintain a modest lifestyle while accumulating a solid retirement fund for the two of us. Have you though about or taken control of this item?
Your wife may not only be trying to absorb your personal changes, as honorable and legitimate as they may be, but also be concerned about the future of your children. I grew up in an incredibly unaccepting era. Today is better for some in certain fields. But it is still be very difficult for most of us, I believe. I would suggest thoroughly thinking through any money issues and address them. If your wife and children are important to you, it may be in your best interest to find some form of accommodation until you can find a way to firm up the finances and/or maintain employment.
Marriage is a partnership, I believe, and the best ones allow you to get out of it what you need, while compromising enough so that the other gets what they need. In business we call this a win-win situation. I hope it works out for you, I hope it works out for your family. Best of luck.
