The longer on HRT, the worse the dysphoria of the male stuff gets

[findingreason]

So, I'm working full speed ahead with my doctor and therapist to be ready for SRS next year sometime. My therapist is already willing to write me a letter when the time comes, and we are narrowing surgeons down.

The hardest part right now is the more time I am on HRT, the more congruent the rest of my body becomes with my identity. Subsequently, the male parts become more and more out place. My dysphoria with them is getting harder and harder to handle. I literally about broke down when someone asked if I could go swimming recently. The idea is sheer terror. The fear of my male bits being seen through my clothes, the discomfort of its presence when I use the restroom is awful. I cannot wait for it to be gone.

I'm sorry, I'm blabbing. The dysphoria is killing me right now and I needed to rant. It's really tough lately.

[Valwen]

There is nothing I can say or add except ::HUGS::

Serena

[warlockmaker]

I'm going thru a similar situation. I'm scheduled for surgeries in January and yes I need more affirmation. Can you believe I look forward to my facial electrolysis as it makes me feel I'm doing something to be me. When it hits harder, I go for facials, manicure/pedicure and yesterday I had my legas waxed. But not long now.....

[Serenation]

Thats how it was for me, was the last piece of the puzzle. When it was done all those problematic things like bathrooms and mirrors became smiles instead of sadness.

Be strong

[Jacqueline]

I am at the earlier end of your story. Only just about to start HRT. Started electrolysis. I can only imagine how you are feeling.

I had a therapy session yesterday and usually feel much better. However, as the day progressed, it began to feel like I haven't felt in months. Really intense. I only tell you that not to compete but to say I felt terrible and feel a lot of sympathy for your situation.  I hope you can find solace in the ticker counting down. It is hard to wait(I have a new phone on order and am just stupid impatient to get it. A phone! How dumb is that?)

I guess I am just commenting to wish you warmth, acceptance, love and a smoother journey.

Joanna

[CrysC]

You aren't alone. 
If it's any value, this is how I get past seeing "it"
Have faith you will get SRS.
Don't do anything drastic to the man bits as you need them for SRS.
Try to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel instead of the immediate disturbance.
cover/tuck the damn thing at all times except in the shower

I'd skip swimming personally or get a skirt suit that you can keep things covered with.  There are ways to tuck/tape that can let you into a thong but it can hurt a lot and the tape often comes loose in the water.

again though, you aren't alone sweetie and this too shall pass.   

[Kellam]

So, I'm working full speed ahead with my doctor and therapist to be ready for SRS next year sometime. My therapist is already willing to write me a letter when the time comes, and we are narrowing surgeons down.

The hardest part right now is the more time I am on HRT, the more congruent the rest of my body becomes with my identity. Subsequently, the male parts become more and more out place. My dysphoria with them is getting harder and harder to handle. I literally about broke down when someone asked if I could go swimming recently. The idea is sheer terror. The fear of my male bits being seen through my clothes, the discomfort of its presence when I use the restroom is awful. I cannot wait for it to be gone.

I'm sorry, I'm blabbing. The dysphoria is killing me right now and I needed to rant. It's really tough lately.

You have taken the words straight out of my mouth. My dysphoria about down there is soooooo much worse now. I have even impulsively struck out at it like I did when I was a teen. Punching it etc. i try not too but it is just so wrong there. If I could get surgery tomorrow I would. Instead I am trying to stay focused on the process. I try to remind myself that it's days are numbered and it will all be right soon enough. Thank gosh hrt has new positive changes still on the way. Without forward motion and hope all would be lost.

[OCAnne]

Hello, I know how you feel.  Waiting for SRS was really messing with my life.  Despite having a surgery date with Dr. Bowers for next year that was still too long to calm my dysphoria which was getting worse by the day.
So I decided to get it done ASAP.  Underwent SRS this May in Los Angeles.

Though I like many desire FFS, BA and a legs reduction (kidding, no?).  I knew SRS had to come first, the rest was just cosmetic and would not help cure my transsexualism.  You know what it worked!  Bathrooms, swimming and just plain wearing nice fitted clothing is awesome.

I did not have to suffer 1 year RLE/RLT.  8 months after starting HRT I had SRS.  Could have done it at 6 months but my work schedule would not accommodate the earlier date.

So if you have the money and folks willing to give you the two required letters (I had 4) you could get SRS as early as next week.  Problem solved, right?

Thank you,
Anne

[CrysC]

Hello, I know how you feel.  Waiting for SRS was really messing with my life.  Despite having a surgery date with Dr. Bowers for next year that was still too long to calm my dysphoria which was getting worse by the day.
So I decided to get it done ASAP.  Underwent SRS this May in Los Angeles.

Though I like many desire FFS, BA and a legs reduction (kidding, no?).  I knew SRS had to come first, the rest was just cosmetic and would not help cure my transsexualism.  You know what it worked!  Bathrooms, swimming and just plain wearing nice fitted clothing is awesome.

I did not have to suffer 1 year RLE/RLT.  8 months after starting HRT I had SRS.  Could have done it at 6 months but my work schedule would not accommodate the earlier date.

So if you have the money and folks willing to give you the two required letters (I had 4) you could get SRS as early as next week.  Problem solved, right?

Thank you,
Anne

Awesome on being able to skip the year of RLE.  In my case, my insurance is going to help me out but for that I need the year of RLE.  The waiting sucks but knowing there is an end in sight helps.

[findingreason]

Thank you for all your replies everyone. <3 It helps to know others in this boat. I'm gonna be contacting the surgeons in the next month. My insurance requires I have a year RLE/HRT. I just need to hold off a few other plans to get this done. Compiled on losing my 2nd job recently, this is just harder than usual for me to cope with. Plans for electrolysis is also going less than well. I'm running against what feels like a constant uphill battle and the wave is against me. I know I'll get through it, but gosh darn it this is hard.