I totally understand where you're coming from. I feel very similar (except in reverse): I want to present as male, with (mostly) male hormones, but get SRS to fix my bottom dysphoria. I also fear the gatekeeper telling me "just deal with it", or imagining it's somehow a sexual fetish (it's not!)
Almost uniformly, though, folks in the forum have told me that what we want should be possible and it's just a matter of finding someone who will help you get there.