The goddess on the mountain top...

[Venus]

Hi! I've been lurking around here for months but I finally decided to join and I should probably introduce myself...

So, um... I guess I'll start with my username! I didn't choose Venus as my username because I actually go by Venus - I definitely don't, that's like a stripper name lol. I chose Venus because I see myself like a beautiful golden haired goddess of beauty, but it's so fitting too because right now I see myself like a big block of stone that I'm slowly chiseling away at to make that sculpture of that goddess come to life.

I've actually been a girl online for the past 17 years (I'm 27), so I'm super comfortable with my female name. It's just that I don't really want to get associated with being trans with it. It's not because of how I feel about being transgender, or other transgenders, but because I'm really paranoid about all of the hate groups out there. It's scary, you know? And it's really screwed up that the world is like that, but I still worry about that stuff anyways. I live in a really conservative area dubbed "the buckle" of the Bible Belt, in the US. It's as bad as it sounds, definitely not the most LGBT friendly area.

I've had some problems, but I'm going to be starting my transition soon-ish. I have an appointment to see a therapist Monday and he specializes in this stuff. I made sure to ask him about it too, and he replied "Yes I can diagnose and write the letters you need. I have done so hundreds of Trans people, and have been to the last two world confereces on Transgender health, and I provide training for local agencies and in the med school. I'm your guy." So, that sounds super promising! I'm really excited about that.

I still live with my mom and honestly, she's really bringing me down. She's one of the really conservative, intolerant, ignorant, still somewhat racist, people that live around here and she doesn't understand what I'm going through at all, doesn't want to, and definitely won't provide any support - financial, emotional, or otherwise. Definitely a stick in the mud, that's for sure. As for my dad, he was abusive and I hadn't seen him since I was 13 or so, right up until he died when I was 21.

If I had a job I wouldn't put up with her or anyone else like that and I definitely wouldn't be living here of all places. Alas, I don't because of the problems I mention in that thread I linked. I'm going to call up some social workers Monday after my Therapist session and try and find out any way around needing to have worked x many years to qualify for disability. That'd be ideal since Medicaid is increasingly covering SRS, from what I've read.

All of those silly issues aside... I'm really resolved in my decision. My inner voice is a girl's, my mental image of myself is that of a girl - which really throws me off when I see my current reflection in a mirror, it definitely doesn't look like I see myself. I'm definitely not happy with the parts I was dealt, but I finally decided that just escaping into my fantasy on the computer isn't good enough... I want my fantasy to become a reality, and to actually really start living my life. I do worry a little bit about what the therapist says because if he's against it then that would be totally crushing, but as sure as I am of it... I don't think he would be against it.

I think I have a fairly good idea of what I need to do... at least, it seems like I have a pretty decent understanding...

1. Therapy, and get approval for HRT, and other stuff.
2. Have sperm stored in a sperm bank in case I ever want a biological child. (I think too many people overlook this and don't realize they become infertile when they start hormones)
3. Begin electrolysis on my pubic region, leaving a sort of traditional sharp triangle shape unremoved sort of like 90's Playboy stuff in case I ever want pubic hair down there... but I'll mostly keep it waxed off since I'm not a fan of pubic hair at the moment.
4. Begin electrolysis on my neck & face.
5. Begin laser hair removal for the rest of my body.
6. Electrolysis for anything the laser hair removal couldn't remove.
7. Begin HRT, though this will realistically start after #2 and likely somewhere in between #3 & 6.
8. Have voice feminization surgery in either NY or South Korea (I haven't decided yet).
9. Have my name changed legally.
10. Have a tummy tuck (I was a fat child, have some loose tummy skin), and butt augmentation.
11. Get breast implants (might be combined with #10 at the same time).
12. Facial feminization.
13. SRS

This is a really weird introduction post isn't it? LOL

Anyways, that's me. Hi.

MOD Edit "Edited out a couple of profanities"

[Laura_7]

Hello and welcome 

You could have a look at the second link there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439


concerning no.2 you could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,183837.msg1645823.html#msg1645823


hugs

[Dena]

You need to add speech therapy because voice surgery tends to be 50% surgery and 50% therapy. Without therapy, the voice can sound like a man with a high pitched voice. As I understand money will be tight, you should be carefully when you consider plastic surgery other than SRS. Many of us look better than we think and can pass well without it. Also breast implants are a bad idea until you have had several years on HRT. I know one woman who had to have the implants removed because she grew enough that the implants made her look wrong.

Just be open to changes in you plan because you might look better than you think with a little work. Welcome and good luck on your journey.

[Laura_7]

Here were some hints on voice:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190936.msg1701516.html#msg1701516

And for example trimmed brows and bangs covering the forehead might help...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194326.msg1731876.html#msg1731876


hugs

[Venus]

You need to add speech therapy because voice surgery tends to be 50% surgery and 50% therapy. Without therapy, the voice can sound like a man with a high pitched voice.

Thanks, I'll be sure to add that (I kind of imagined it as part of it though already). I've read mixed feedback on needing it though. Some say they needed it and other said they didn't.

As I understand money will be tight, you should be carefully when you consider plastic surgery other than SRS. Many of us look better than we think and can pass well without it.

It's not so much a "need" thing as a "want." I have a specific way I'd like to look. I shouldn't need my face changed all that much, just a bit poutier lips and a nose job to look how I'd like. It's already fairly femininely shaped. Heck, I have small feminine hands too.

Since the face stuff will probably be the most expensive I might even do it after the SRS, that way I can properly save up for it if it's going to cost a lot to have what I want done done.

Also breast implants are a bad idea until you have had several years on HRT. I know one woman who had to have the implants removed because she grew enough that the implants made her look wrong.

I'll keep that in mind, though I wouldn't mind if they got bigger. The women in my family are pretty flat chested though so I don't think I'd grow much anyways.

I think #3-7 on my list takes years though, from what I heard. So, it shouldn't be too much of an issue. I definitely want the big boobs and big butt though, lol.

Just be open to changes in you plan because you might look better than you think with a little work. Welcome and good luck on your journey.

Oh it'll definitely change as time goes on and I really get into it, I think. It's just sort of my base plan. Thanks for the encouragement, and looking out. 

[V M]

Hi Venus 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

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Hugs

V M

[Rachel]

Venus, welcome to Susan's.

[katrinaw]

Warm welcome to Susan's Venus

Wow well thought out list, congrats on seeing a therapist on Monday

Best wishes for you and your well planned journey, I look forward to seeing you around the forum's

L Katy