Hi Stephanie,
I can tell you from recent, although it seems like ages ago, experience that it is tough and scary. I came out to my wife in April. I had braces for the worst, expecting at the least divorce and hatred. I had gotten to the point that I couldn't continue on as I was. I had to acknowledge who I am, who I have always been but been hiding it. Telling her went better than I could have dreamed possible. I am lucky in all sorts of ways.
I have since come out to a few other people. Friends, my son. I still haven't come out to all my family yet. And I am scheduled to start HRT in earnest later this month.
I still have moments of self hate, denial, and abject terror. I am scared of the road I am starting down. I am scared of backlash from those in my life. But most of all I'm scared that if I don't do this, I won't be able to live with how things were again.
What I can tell you is get a therapist you trust. Talk with them. They can help you sort through your feelings, both good and bad. Take it as slow as you need to. I have heard from so many that this isn't a race. Sometimes taking it slow and sensible is harder than you would believe. [emoji3] But whatever pace you take, whatever path you follow just make sure to do it for you. *hugs*
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