Am I the only one who thinks this way?

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I swear I'm not trying to start an "am I trans enough" thread. That being said, one of the reasons I was able to convince myself for so long that I wasn't was because I never really thought of myself as a female trapped in a male body. I first started having these feelings regularly in 5th grade (10-11 for non US people), and I always interpreted it as I was a boy who really wanted to be a girl. This may just be how my brain processes the urge to present as female while obviously having a male body. Do other people feel this way?

[Venus]

I think everyone asks themselves something like that at some point, or maybe even a lot... it's healthy to really ask yourself and truly think about these things. It's a major thing and going into it without asking yourself those questions would be very irresponsible.

[Dena]

I think that's close to right because I had a male body for so long and the new feelings didn't agree with the life I lived for so long. It might be different for those who knew at say age 3 because they had so little time living in their original role.

My first therapist would also agree with you because he told my mother that the only thing wrong with (male name) is that he want to be a girl.

Today I would disagree with the statement because being post surgical as long as I have, being a woman feels right and I can't really feel that male identity any longer.

I think as you progress through treatment you will find what you feel will change as you understand what it's like to live the life of a woman. The feeling is based on where you are in life and not how trans you are. Come back to this thread in about 5 years and your post may read much like mine.

[captains]

Me, definitely. I never knew I was a boy. Even now I don't know, really. When I was a kid, I used to love books about girls who pretended to be boys -- and then I'd stop reading when the ruse was revealed, because the fantasy was lost. I knew I was a girl too. I just wanted to become a boy and stay that way.

If a genie took me back in time and asked me to pick which body I wanted, I know the sex I would choose. Does that make me a boy? I dunno.


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[KatelynBG]

I also have not felt the woman trapped in a man's body feeling in my life. I went to bed as a child praying to turn into a girl and I still do sometimez. It's only been very very recently that the concept of me being a woman trapped in a man's body have bubbled up, and that has only been after self-realization and mostly acceptance. My inner voice has always been much more feminine than my actual voice though.

[suzifrommd]

Do other people feel this way?

Me, me, me, me, me!

I've been living full time as a woman for more than two years now, and still don't "feel like a woman". I'm not even sure I know what that means.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

Thank you ladies (and gentleman). I think Dena's idea about it depending on when you figure it out is interesting. It's funny how when I start to think of reasons I might not be "really trans" I actually feel kind of disappointed that I would then not get to become a woman. I'm trying to take things slow, and explore who I am. I agree that it's hard to know "what it feels like to be a woman," I do know that when I look down at myself while dressed it does feel very "right" if that makes any sense.

[Dena]

It make plenty of sense to all of us because we have the wrong body for our brain even if we don't feel that way. Often just matching our physical appearance to our brain is enough to bring them in sync. This is why I think the only true cure is to match our lifestyle to our brain. This is not saying surgery is needed in all cases. Many will do fine without surgery but for some it's the only solution.

[Delaney]

Ha-ha, I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one to feel this way.  Sometimes I think to myself, "Is this really right?  I know I'm more feminine than masculine, but am I really a transwoman?  Dammit, why couldn't I just be a woman and not have this problem!"

Then it clicks and I realize that I don't want to be trans.  I just want to be a woman.  And there I have the core of my conundrum.  I suppose that much doesn't need explaining to all of you, but for me it's been significant because I have a friend who, while now coming to accept it, insisted that I am not trans* because I said that I have always WANTED to be a woman and I have always WANTED to be one the girls.  She insisted that a "real" transwoman would insist that she IS a woman. 

I knew she was wrong, but she fueled my doubts.

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[captains]

Thank you ladies (and gentleman).

[StartingOver]

Me, me, me, me, me too!

Never had the whole "knew I was always a girl" thing (and I'm not even convinced that is the typical trans narrative anyway, although it seems to be the media's popular trans narrative because it's more sensational.)  But did have (and still have) very strong "I wish I was a girl" feelings throughout my entire life, so strong eventually that I had to do something about them or I was going to kill myself.  So I'm doing something about them, up to and including GRS, and it's soooooo much better this side of the fence.

Not sure there's much of a difference in the actual cause of this - "born this way" or "desperately want to change" - but more that it's a difference in how we perceive and interpret those feelings.  For some, they feel it's as if they are actually a girl, and for others we feel this overwhelming desire to be female.  Two sides of the same transgender coin, really, but stemming from the same stuff inside.

[Deborah]

My thought is that there isn't any difference between the two narratives, especially if you grew up either not knowing anything about trans or were in a family situation where expressing it was forbidden. 

I mean a child knows  herself but at the same time looks in the mirror and cannot escape the inevitable conclusion.  So in the absence of any other narrative she  latches on to whatever explanation  she can find to resolve the obvious discrepancy.


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[Dee Marshall]

I'd also point out that, in many areas, like the one I grew up in, we had essentially gender neutral childhoods and the differences are basically kept secret from each other. We don't play with all the same toys, but we have "separate but equal" toys, G.I. Joe and Barbie, Nerf and Rebelle. In a repressive community with just a little "don't do that, you're a boy" you can grow up very clueless. I was clueless for 54 years. With more open modern parents one can realize much sooner. As someone else around here pointed out (possibly not in this thread) being a trans lesbian pushes this out much further because of the confounding of sex and gender. Which is more likely statistically, being a trans gay person or a heteronormative cis person? It leaves one with a lingering feeling that something isn't right which can be almost impossible to put your finger on. Basically the same reason there are more gay people now. When it becomes more acceptable repressing it becomes less likely.

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I agree that not understanding what is going on was a biggie for me. All through junior high I wasn't sure what I was, I knew it wasn't normal to constantly want to be a girl but I wasn't sure what was going on. It wasn't until high school when I had regular internet access that I could finally try to figure things out. I questioned whether I was trans through high school, and it was at the end of that that I went into denial. Partly it was puberty hitting me with a sledgehammer. ANother issue was some of the reading on transsexualism I did scared me. I read through Lynn Conway's site and her section on post-transition really disturbed me. She basically said that if you want to be happy you would have to cut all ties to those you know and move off on your own and constantly live in fear of being discovered. Now she transitioned in the late 60s/early 70s so things are different now. When faced with a choice between a lifetime of secrets from everyone close to me, or a lifetime of secrets from everyone close to me, plus a complete break from everyone I've ever known, I guess I felt that it was easier to pretend I didn't have this issue.