This is an extremely difficult situation, and many of us have been in it before. Only you can choose the right path for yourself.
You're at a very difficult developmental stage: you're in the no-man's-land between teenagehood and the beginnings of adulthood. You've spent your entire life under your parents' thumbs and are only just figuring out how to be independent. This is perfectly natural... but when you're at this stage, it can be difficult to realise that your parents won't be able to influence your decision-making for much longer. Within the next few years you will be a fully-independent adult (scary, I know) and you'll be able to make any decision you want to... and your parents will not be able to stop you. They'll have no right to interfere. They may very well express opinions, but that's as far as that can go. So you need to decide whether it's safer to keep quiet whilst you're at college, or to do everything in your power to rush into taking T right now because you simply cannot wait any longer. Either way, there's a lot at stake.
The way I see it, you have a bunch of options available to you:
- You come out to your parents again and they react badly: you may have to quit college, possibly get kicked out of home, and try to scrape together a living whilst still needing to transition. Lots of us have done this and survived, but we wouldn't wish it on anyone.
- You come out to your parents again and they react well: you stay on at college, and perhaps they'll help you out with a bit more cash so you can afford hormones.
- You choose to wait until you've finished college before starting hormones: you can still transition socially at college (name change, hair cut, presentation, binding & packing etc.) with the full support & encouragement of your college friends. Then as soon as you get your first job, you can start your medical transition.
- You can assert yourself as a grown-up: tell your parents matter-of-factly that you have already started to transition at college. Let them know you love them & want their continued support, and that you'd like them to come on-board with you as you enter this exciting new phase in your life. But tell them that even if they deny you and decide not to support you, this is the reality of your life and it is something you need to do, so it will be happening whether they want it to or not. The only thing they can control is how they react to it.
- Ask at college whether there's a counsellor you could see who will help you get the medical attention you need. That way, you can get started without your parents' knowledge or permission (I presume this is legal where you are).
- You haven't mentioned where you are, but there are services available in various places. E.g. in the US there is Planned Parenthood, which can help you obtain hormones. In other countries, there are free hospitals and clinics in many centres that will do the same. Ask your LGBT friends at college who they see & where they go for their hormones, and see if you can do the same.
- Do some research to find a competent Gender Therapist in your area, and get an appointment to go & see them. If needs be, tell your parents that you're still not over the 'trans thing' and that you need to speak to this expert who treats people with the same 'problem'. Then get the therapist to help you explain the situation to your parents. Your folks are much more likely to believe this is a real thing when they hear it from an expert, rather than thinking you've been led astray by your 'crazy friends on the Internet' or whatever. The therapist can also help convince your parents that the best possible treatment is for you to transition, and that no amount of therapy/punishment/praying/whatever will make it go away.
I'm not surprised that your need to start T has skyrocketed if there are other trans guys at college: seeing other guys progress in their transitions when we're unable to even get started can be incredibly triggering. But bear in mind: transition isn't just medical (in fact, most trans people don't medically transition, but that's besides the point here). Transition is also mental, emotional, social, and if you're that way inclined, spiritual. So instead of focussing on T as being the ultimate goal, you could concentrate on all the other aspects of transition until you get to the stage where you can safely start T.
Good luck, whatever you choose.
