How do you know for sure?

[rcb11525]

I am a 37 year old man... As of right now... I've had some interesting experiences in relationship to cross dressing that let me know that transitioning may be for me... I am currently looking for a counselor but I'm having a hard time finding an affordable gender therapist ... I'm not Rich...... I'd like to talk about it to see what clarity I can get on the topic ...I must say I don't feel good dressed as a woman ... I'm over weight so I feel quite disgusting in woman's clothes... Broad thick shoulders, a man belly, etc... There's too many specifics to mention and I don't want to ramble...I'm really searching for my truth... Whenever I know for sure I put all of me into that specific truth whatever it is... But I can't see enough into this issue and inside myself to get the assurance I need to know if this is really for me... How were you certain?


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[iKate]

You have to find out. A therapist can guide you but s/he can't decide for you.

There are also options like low dose HRT that can sort of give you a taste before you jump all in.

I felt good dressed up before I transitioned but I was extremely uncomfortable with my hairy chest and being overweight. I fixed all of that and I enjoy my life now.

[KatelynBG]

I agree with iKate but am not as far along as she is. I've been in your position, heck I still am in your position somewhat. I was 320 lbs and eating myself to death. I hated how I looked in a dress but loved how it made me feel. So I did something about it. I'm down 93 lbs and can see how I want to look emerging, but I'm not there yet. I still look like a man in a dress, the body hair, lack of head hair, the testosterone-fueled fat and muscle distribution. The thing is I know I'd be happier living as a woman. I cringe when I am called sir or mister or "young man." I get secret thrills when people misgender me. It happens, believe it or not as I have a very female dominated job position and I'm part of an all female team, so people routinely say things like "Thanks ladies," to all of us.

[Venus]

I've never been into cross dressing myself. I'll cross that bridge once my body looks female. It's way too scary to go out like that now and I wouldn't have the money to spend on clothes I couldn't wear out anyways.

I don't think it's about what clothes you like wearing. For me, it's a mental state. I feel like a girl, and like my body just doesn't match. My inner voice is a female voice, not the voice I speak aloud with. I perceive myself as a girl and when I look in a mirror it throws me off and I don't even want to look at my reflection because it's like "that's not me;" it just doesn't match at all how I see myself.

You should call a therapist that specializes in this stuff and give them your insurance and have them see if it'd be covered. I expected mine to be $100-150 but insurance ended up covering all but a $30 co-pay and it's not unheard of for a lot of girls to not even have a co-pay at all with their insurance covering the whole thing.

I don't have some super ritsy insurance either, it's just BlueCross BlueShield. Check this out:

There are ways to get around insurance exclusions. Sometimes hormones can be covered if your doctor uses hormone imbalance, or some other non-gender identity related, diagnosis. Gender identity counseling can be often covered if your therapist uses an anxiety or adjustment disorder diagnosis code.

This is from Blue Cross/Blue Shield: Our Medical Affairs Department indicated that it is generally accepted among professionals that an adult with gender identity disorder who experiences anxiety and stress as a result of the disorder should be treated. Mental health services billed with an anxiety or adjustment disorder diagnosis code would be covered under the mental health benefits available on the plan.

[cindianna_jones]

How can anyone make this sort of decision? Everyone is different.

I too was overweight, constantly had a five o'clock shadow, and looked crazy stupid in a dress and wig. I took pictures of myself and cried. I lost weight. I learned how to pick appropriate clothing. I went out shopping for things I needed. I got laughed at and teased constantly. I had security guards and police follow me when women would say things. I was utterly miserable.

But I lost weight and had my face cleared with electrolysis three times (no laser back then) before I could pass well. By then, I knew I had to do it. I knew it before I saw a counselor. It became do or die for me. I gave up my family, career, and home. I moved to another state and slept on someone's couch for three months before I found a job. It took me two jobs to lose the history.

Now it is easier to transition, but I think people genuinely know when it is time to transition. A therapist is helpful but a good therapist will only ask you questions so that you will guide yourself to what is right for you.

Chin up.
Cindi

[rcb11525]

Thanks everyone


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[AnnahM]

RCB - Sometimes it's hard to be sure because there are so many outside influences dictating who and what we are, based on our outward appearance. We even do this to ourselves. I began transition when I was about 32. After one year of transition, I de-transitioned for a year because I still wasn't sure (I was, just reluctant to admit it). I had already changed my name, driver's license, SS info and other stuff. It was my wife who told me I needed to go back to transitioning. Thank goodness! It was the best thing I ever did for myself.

Like you I had my doubts about it. I thought I was too tall (I'm 6'), to muscular/manly, and on and on. The fact is, I was miserable and it was really when I went to a local support group meeting (at no cost) that I began to realize the truth within. I can't recommend highly enough how important a social support group is. You meet people like yourself and every shade of trans from one end of the spectrum to the other. One cool thing about this is that you begin to see where you fit in that spectrum. Maybe you can identify as more this, or more that, who knows, but it helps you find out much faster when you spend time with others. I spent some time in a crossdressing group and realized quickly on that I wasn't like them at all. Then I found another group that included both crossdressers and transgender people. It was there that I figured out where I fit in the spectrum and I also made some wonderful and life-long friends. If not for them, I am certain that I wouldn't be sitting here writing this right now.

[Qrachel]

Hi RCB:

You are experiencing what many of us did/do - I just wanted a pill to make the girl S___ go away, so I could get on with my life.  Well, time passed and I joined a support group (they are usually free but may ask for a donation) and went to therapy.  In my case I could afford therapy, but I really just wanted the "blue" pill and to get on with life.  Of course, there's no blue pill, and the red pill is a (rhymes with rich).  Ahhh, but here I am and honestly I think my support group really was the glue that helped me keep it all together (to the extent it was ever together - lol).

Be sure to stay in touch here; it's a great place!

Rachel