As I contemplate the pro's and con's of transition I've found that one thing that worries me is that I'd start liking guys. I've only ever been attracted to women (in fact I find the male body somewhat revolting), and while I know many transwomen find that they weren't so much attracted to women as attracted to being women, I don't think that's the case with me. I have met women who I thought "If I were female, she's who I'd be like," and I've also met women where I feel romantic chemistry. While there's at least one overlap, the kind of woman I generally try to have a relationship with is different than the kind I see myself as. I suppose this could just be simple fear of the unknown/change but I think it might be more than that, thus I think it might be some combination of the following:
1) After working through my feelings I've come to the conclusion that having biological children of my own is very important to me. Obviously if I have a cisfemale partner that would be much simpler. (If I transition I intend to freeze sperm beforehand)
2)Issues of gender roles. I'm not sure how I'd feel about being "the mother" in a heterosexual relationship. One of my biggest concerns about transitioning is that I'd like the physical changes but not like the social changes. My nightmare would be to end up with social dysphoria going the opposite direction. Another difficulty I'm having with this is the fact that I've been heavily repressing my femininity since high school, and now that the walls have come down I've effectively mind-melded with a teenager so any deep questions about my future seem to garner the mental equivalent of blank stares. Time will probably help with this.
3) I might be non-binary and my Male side is putting his foot down.
It's weird how a month ago I was a straight male, and now I appear to be a transwoman who hopes she becomes a lesbian. To think, I used to worry I might have a boring life. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.
