doubting

[preston j sannicolas]

right now my mind is all confused

over this weekend i spent a lot of time with my grandma which was great.she did my nails we talked and it was a lot of fun now whenever i look at my nails i just get so happy but we talked about telling my mom or going and seeing  therapist and that reminded me of my biggest fear right now and that is the fear that im not really trans and that's the reason i don't want to tell my mom because im scared that its just me trying to be special or unique which i doubt because wouldn't i relies im doing that and if i was faking then why would i like getting my nails done and looking at girls cloths idk all this questioning is really just stressing me out and depressing me

sorry if im posting to much

[Valwen]

No one posts too much we all post as much as we feel we need to.

I think just about every transgender person doubts themselves at one time or another, especially early on in there discovery. I know I often thought to myself "i must be making this up transgender is so rare what are the odds i am really trans" or something similar to your thoughts of just trying to be special or weird, even today there are parts of my life like my intrest in wicca/paganism that I worry are just me trying to be special. But when these feelings continue for years on end its not just confusion, there is something there. It may help just exploring this side of you even if you discover that transision is not needed or wanted if you enjoy the expriance that's enough.

I think you should take your grandmother up on seeing a therapist. A therapist especially one with transgender experiance can help you discover your inner truth and be a sounding board that you can trust is not telling you what you want to hear.

::hugs:: your not alone in the stress and depression I think everyone here has at one time or another dealt with those hurdles. I know I deal with them all the time, but we all deal with it, we can deal with it sometimes it just takes some friends and somewhere to vent and susans place is very good for both.

Serena

[Dena]

Talking about somebody who post to much, I joined this site May 24th of this years and am close to 1,500 post in 3 1/2 months. Your grandmother will help you talk to your mother and make her understand what you feel. Having your grandmother on your side is something many of us wish we had. Your grandmother is giving you good advice so listen to her as she will make sure you are treated well. You shouldn't worry because the feelings you have aren't your fault and you can't do anything to change them. You need therapy to help you become happy all the time so listen to your wise grandmother's advice.

[stephaniec]

grandmothers are great, take her hand and walk with her.

[suzifrommd]

I went through a long doubting phase. I'm a cautious person and didn't want to let my "secret" out until I was sure.

I don't have much advice, other that the oft quoted fact that cisgender people almost never wonder whether they are trans.

It helped me not to focus on whether I was trans or not trans, but instead deciding how I wanted to live. That was a much easier question to answer - I want to be a woman.

[Mariah]

I don't have much to add to what the others said, but your certainly not posting to much. As has been state, you post as much as you need to. I post around 5000 posts in roughly a years time. As others have said CIS people don't generally question their gender and a therapist would be a great thing for you. They can help you sort through these doubts and help you figure out if your trans or not because ultimately only you can decide if you are. Hugs and Good luck
Mariah