Hi all, it's been a while since my last post (as meganjames, now meganjames2 due to loss of access to mail account). In the vague hope it might be of use to someone, I thought I'd provide an update on my journey to-date.
When I last posted I had come out to my wife, and was trying to balance a need to move forward against the cost to my family (2 kids under 4). Well in the Spring, I choose to stay with my family, and planned to use occasional crossdressing away from home as a pressure release valve. Sadly it wasn't enough, over the following six months (unbeknownst to my wife) my mental health deteriorated to a suicidal level. When I finally told her where my head was at, it was the final straw for her. Despite her best efforts at understanding the situation, and a genuine desire to see me happy, she asked me to move out of the family home (a decision that has probably saved my life).
The last month has been a whir of telling friends and family about our separation, but also my coming out to both our immediate families, which has gone really well on all accounts.
I'm now setup in my own place, near my wife and children who I get to see very often, but I finally have time, space and privacy to be Megan a lot more. How our marriage/relationship will end up is a mystery for both of us right now.
Last week I ventured out of the front door for the first time, and saw my therapist as Megan, which was great. I'm in the looong CX GIC queue for assessment with them, and in the meantime, will be starting laser hair removal shortly.
In short, as others here have echoed, the dysphoria is a tuff beast to beat. I've reached a point of accepting that I need to go-with-the-flow, and see where it takes me. And although I had no specific concerns, I have been comforted by how much both our families have accepted and attempted to understand the situation without judgement.
I wish you all the best in your adventures.
Meg.
