So tired of being transgender

[Tessa James]

You are welcome and deserve more.    Yes, more emotional with sensitive breasts and erect nipples.  Sounds so familiar

Sorry about those dilemmas that are tearing at you.  No simple or easy ways to recommend as we know you are carefully thinking and finding your own course.  Please stay with us here and for yourself.  Zombies seem to get mowed down wholesale in the movies

Hugs

[Paige]

You are welcome and deserve more.    Yes, more emotional with sensitive breasts and erect nipples.  Sounds so familiar

Sorry about those dilemmas that are tearing at you.  No simple or easy ways to recommend as we know you are carefully thinking and finding your own course.  Please stay with us here and for yourself.  Zombies seem to get mowed down wholesale in the movies

Hugs

Thanks Tessa for the Hugs and advice.  As has been said many times here, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. 

Paige

[JoanneB]

Thanks so much Joanne,

I actually do eat a lot of bananas.   I guess I'll stop that.   I'm curious to know if spiro gets rid of my negative moods. Don't like the idea of my energy going down.

So you're off anti-T and E right now?  What was it like stopping.  I imagine it would be pretty horrible to feel right and then go back to your old self.

Take care,
Paige

I'm a bit dense, but ultimately trainable. Full E and AA. Well almost with Spiro. I'm not good with pill given all the other supplements I take. Spiro often gets the I'll get it later which never happened, treatment. And it does show with the ever darkening mood

[Tommi]

Paige,

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.  I'm in much the same position as you are, with my wife fearing a transition and how it would affect her, and the kids, more than about what I'm feeling.

Hugs!

[Paige]

I'm a bit dense, but ultimately trainable. Full E and AA. Well almost with Spiro. I'm not good with pill given all the other supplements I take. Spiro often gets the I'll get it later which never happened, treatment. And it does show with the ever darkening mood

Hi Joanne,
Sorry for the late response.   I've cut my low dose Spiro in half.  I just don't like the feeling.   I'm getting a lot of feet and leg cramps.  Seriously considering switching to low E instead.  Thanks for all your comments.
Paige

Paige,

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.  I'm in much the same position as you are, with my wife fearing a transition and how it would affect her, and the kids, more than about what I'm feeling.

Hugs!

Thanks Tommi,  I hope you find some solutions.  The cards we were dealt doesn't make life easy to say the least.
Paige

[SophieSakura]

She will never truly understand it I imagine because she is not trans.  But remember that she may be hurting too, she may be depressed and in pain because of it all, and that is not her fault.  She's not choosing to be "manipulative" or "blackmailing", she is struggling to cope with it.  I find it extremely unprofessional that a doctor or therapist would say that someone having emotions is being manipulative.  Is it a man by any chance?  I find that sometimes men say that women are manipulative when they show emotions because they see women as weak.

[JoanneB]

I've been battling leg cramps all my life. Yes, Spiro does add to it a bit. However diet, timing of meals, and physical activity rules the roost. Many a day I drive a desk for a living. Most days I "Try" to get in a 4-5 mile walk to counteract that. Staying hydrated, especially towards the evening/bedtime is important. For whatever reason if I do my fruit smoothie say after 7:00 PM, I am guaranteed to have painful cramps near bedtime till say 4:00 AM. Oh, add in cold feet to the mix for that. Certain other foods will also trigger my cramps.

[Paige]

She will never truly understand it I imagine because she is not trans.  But remember that she may be hurting too, she may be depressed and in pain because of it all, and that is not her fault.  She's not choosing to be "manipulative" or "blackmailing", she is struggling to cope with it.  I find it extremely unprofessional that a doctor or therapist would say that someone having emotions is being manipulative.  Is it a man by any chance?  I find that sometimes men say that women are manipulative when they show emotions because they see women as weak.

Hi Sophie,

Actually both of my therapists are women.  I'm quite sure this has been very painful for my wife but she has had her way for almost 30 years.  How exactly would you describe someone who gets distant and silent when they don't get their way?  Basically treating their partner like crap unless they do things the way they want.  A couple of months ago she stopped wearing her wedding ring.  Sounds like manipulation to me.  In a relationship there should be some give and take.  I've given for years and now I just get a cold shoulder with absolutely no understanding. 

Take care,
Paige

[Paige]

I've been battling leg cramps all my life. Yes, Spiro does add to it a bit. However diet, timing of meals, and physical activity rules the roost. Many a day I drive a desk for a living. Most days I "Try" to get in a 4-5 mile walk to counteract that. Staying hydrated, especially towards the evening/bedtime is important. For whatever reason if I do my fruit smoothie say after 7:00 PM, I am guaranteed to have painful cramps near bedtime till say 4:00 AM. Oh, add in cold feet to the mix for that. Certain other foods will also trigger my cramps.

Hey Joanne,

With me the my calf muscles cramp every once in a while but it's my feet that really bug me.  It just about drives me crazy when the arch of my foot cramps.   I think you're right about hydration.  I'll try drinking more water.  I do work in front of a computer a lot and my desk isn't in the best part of the house.  My legs tend to get cold.  Lots to think about.

Thanks again for all your help,
Paige

[Tommi]

Hey Joanne,

With me the my calf muscles cramp every once in a while but it's my feet that really bug me.  It just about drives me crazy when the arch of my foot cramps.   I think you're right about hydration.  I'll try drinking more water.  I do work in front of a computer a lot and my desk isn't in the best part of the house.  My legs tend to get cold.  Lots to think about.

Thanks again for all your help,
Paige

Potassium helps with leg cramps... eat more bananas.  Seriously. 

[RobynD]

Hi Sophie,

Actually both of my therapists are women.  I'm quite sure this has been very painful for my wife but she has had her way for almost 30 years.  How exactly would you describe someone who gets distant and silent when they don't get their way?  Basically treating their partner like crap unless they do things the way they want.  A couple of months ago she stopped wearing her wedding ring.  Sounds like manipulation to me.  In a relationship there should be some give and take.  I've given for years and now I just get a cold shoulder with absolutely no understanding. 

Take care,
Paige

I think in a sense, you and Sophie are both right. It is hard for spouses to deal with this sort of change. That causes various reactions, some of which are manipulative and protectionist, Many of these are both unfair and unloving which drives a wedge further between you.

One thing that i have found that helps deal with people we love in this mode, is to use a bit of therapy on them (particularly if they will not go to therapy), ask them to articulate their feelings and them make sure they see you validating them to a degree because they are pretty much valid. Then seek compromise if possible. Then agree to disagree but try to bridge this gap, by becoming more loving and supportive of each other in ways that are totally unrelated to the gender issue. That can often reduce the wedge.

Attending therapy together is still best, continue to lovingly encourage her in that direction.

[JoanneB]

Hi Sophie,

Actually both of my therapists are women.  I'm quite sure this has been very painful for my wife but she has had her way for almost 30 years.  How exactly would you describe someone who gets distant and silent when they don't get their way?  Basically treating their partner like crap unless they do things the way they want.  A couple of months ago she stopped wearing her wedding ring.  Sounds like manipulation to me.  In a relationship there should be some give and take.  I've given for years and now I just get a cold shoulder with absolutely no understanding. 

Take care,
Paige

I was thinking that perhaps "Manipulative" is a little harsh and "Passive Aggressive" sounds so much more professional.

[JoanneB]

Hey Joanne,

With me the my calf muscles cramp every once in a while but it's my feet that really bug me.  It just about drives me crazy when the arch of my foot cramps.   I think you're right about hydration.  I'll try drinking more water.  I do work in front of a computer a lot and my desk isn't in the best part of the house.  My legs tend to get cold.  Lots to think about.

Thanks again for all your help,
Paige

Oh I get them too in the foot, one mostly. Again dehydration and "Cooking" them when my feet are frozen and they wander onto my wife's side of the bed where the electric blanket is still cranked up awaiting her arrival.

Be carefull with too much potassium intake with spiro as it is a potassium sparing diuretic drug, which means it loves to make the body hold onto every bit of it. Too much potassium will mess with your heart rhythm.

BTW - I do my spiro in the morning because then all the peeing it brings on is when I'm very wide awake. (Sometimes the timing can be better  )

[Kimberley Beauregard]

Although I don't experience a high level of dysphoria and I'm not going through an intense period, I do find it increasingly harder to relate to the person I see in my reflections. However, as I've handed in my notice and plan to take a break from working for a month while I get my CV, skills and qualifications up to scratch, I can see if I can eliminate the stress from my job as the source of my feelings. That said, my gender is on the back of my mind at the moment (and it has been since work went downhill considerably for me).

[Vinyl Scratch]

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but in my opinion de transitioning is far worse than transitioning if you are certain your transgender.

[barbie]

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but in my opinion de transitioning is far worse than transitioning if you are certain your transgender.

Yes. In overall, the process is irreversible.

barbie~~

[Paige]

I recently completed a 12 week group with about 20 or so transgender people.  Some transitioning trans men and trans women, some questioning, some old, most young.  For the most part I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb.  I thought this would give me some answers but just seemed to make me realize how hard this whole process is. 

There was only one married person and she stop coming half way through.   The other thing I found was that some were quite cliquey.  Maybe I just wasn't authentic enough for them or maybe I was just too old.  It could also be that I was quite guarded for most of it. 

When I started I thought this would help me find my way but it seems to have confused me more than anything.  For someone who is definitely transgender, I should have felt comfortable in this group but I felt incredibly awkward.

Thanks everyone for all the input. I'm still not really sure what I'm going to do.  Still on spiro and dutasteride, not sure if I can progress anymore. 

Take care all,
Paige

[JoanneB]

In my TG support group I am one of a pair of odd ducks. Everyone else has either transitioned or in the middle of it. Every newbie during the six years I've been there came in scared and clueless. Within several months full-time. It has only been the oldie tymers that are reluctant. Which usually isn't long between marriages collapsing after dropping the T-Bomb followed by the WTF, I lost everything that matters. Even my life means nothing anymore.

I totally understand your response to this group. Today's youth have barely no social impediments to transition or non-binary living. Plus being young you have no skin in the game of life. Making such a life change entails far less risk. Especially when you see no hope of a future and no past to hang on to.

I also suspect there was the overwhelming consensus that there is no other "Cure" besides transition so why fool around with anything else? As I try to get a younger member to grasp, there are plenty of reasons one can have to try or experiment with other methods to "Manage" the GD. Reasons such as a spouse, family, career, and other important aspects of your life you do not want to put at risk. Like trans v cis, if you don't have things like a wife, kids, a great career, somewhat functional family etc., you don't and really cannot "get it". There is no frame of reference for you.

[Paige]

In my TG support group I am one of a pair of odd ducks. Everyone else has either transitioned or in the middle of it. Every newbie during the six years I've been there came in scared and clueless. Within several months full-time. It has only been the oldie tymers that are reluctant. Which usually isn't long between marriages collapsing after dropping the T-Bomb followed by the WTF, I lost everything that matters. Even my life means nothing anymore.

I totally understand your response to this group. Today's youth have barely no social impediments to transition or non-binary living. Plus being young you have no skin in the game of life. Making such a life change entails far less risk. Especially when you see no hope of a future and no past to hang on to.

I also suspect there was the overwhelming consensus that there is no other "Cure" besides transition so why fool around with anything else? As I try to get a younger member to grasp, there are plenty of reasons one can have to try or experiment with other methods to "Manage" the GD. Reasons such as a spouse, family, career, and other important aspects of your life you do not want to put at risk. Like trans v cis, if you don't have things like a wife, kids, a great career, somewhat functional family etc., you don't and really cannot "get it". There is no frame of reference for you.

Hi Joanne,

Once again you hit the nail on the head.  I don't think anyone in that group had the slightest idea of where I was coming from.   Even the coordinators didn't really understand, both trans but both were younger and single.  If I was committed to transitioning it probably would have went better, but I just kept questioning myself.  In many ways I feel more isolated as a result of this whole endeavor.

So I think what I've determined to do is just keep my head down for a while with no plans to transition.  This last year has been just too hard.  Mentally I just don't have the stamina to keep doing this.  The spiro is taking  a bit of the edge off, so hopefully I can do other things for a while. 

I know it will always be there but I need to take a break.  I'll still come to Susans, I'll still see my therapists, but that's it for now.  I'm taking a mental health break.

Thanks so much your insights really help.
Paige

[JoanneB]

TBH, I have no "plans to transition". Dreams, sure. Plans? Survival or not? Easy one for me... today. Seven years ago, well can't say for sure.

Some days I feel like such a phony. That "I'm not really trans" or worse, "I'm not that trans". I've been getting hit with it a lot because of a new member in my group. An older person... mid 30's early 40 ish I think. The GD and anxiety so bad it's hard to function. No way has my GD ever felt that bad. One way or another I can persevere. Not do my job? Heck, it's the only thing I am good at. So maybe, just maybe, I am not really trans. Maybe.. I am just a CD  ?

The fish slap of reality tends to come along knocking me into the lock.