1st appointment with gender therapist next week

[AnamethatstartswithE]

They originally told me there was a 2-3 month waiting list, but apparently a series of events means I can start next week (yay). It's weird how the dysphoria seems to almost go away while I'm making progress. Does/did this happen to anyone else? I still get pangs of "I wish I was her/a girl" but it's at most a distraction instead of being painful. It's funny how most of my problems pre-acceptance seemed to be about all of the shame I felt over constantly wanting to be female, letting go of that helped a lot. I still have several issues to go through before I can make a decision about transitioning. However, I've found that as the shame has gone and the dysphoria has weakened whenever I think "Hey maybe I won't need to upend my life over this" I start to feel disappointed that I won't get to be a girl. I think that sort of gives me an answer about what I truly want, doesn't it?

[KristinaM]

Hope this helps, but I think I understand where you're coming from.

As long as I'm making progress each day, I feel fine, but when I miss a dose of hormones, or an unexpected road block pops up, it feels like my world is coming crashing down around me, lol.  When I started seeing my therapist, she said she'd be glad to write a letter to my endo recommending me for HRT, then after 3-4 visits, she did what I felt was a bait-and-switch by telling me she wasn't ready yet.  I felt like I was going to explode!  I wanted to do HRT "right" by going to an endo and not using the Informed Consent route, but when I heard this, that went right out the window, lol.  I called Planned Parenthood and got an appointment for like 4 days later, got my blood drawn, and a week later I had my prescriptions!  I've since switched over to my endo, and my therapist did write me a letter finally.

So yeah, things that try and prevent you from transitioning can make the dysphoria worse, but as long as things are moving forward, however slowly, it's not so bad because you know you're doing something to improve your situation with each step.

[leacobb]

Im so happy for you on your appointment. Yay for you.. And i do agree with kristina. That you do feel on top of the world when things are moving forward. But there are many hurdles to cross too. And sometimes they are difficult to over come and then you start to feel like (why is this happening) but with this being said it does make you stronger as a person. It shows strength, strength you didnt even know you had... And this is only the start. You have so much to look forward to.. Hormone blockers, hormones themselfs, new experiances. And also inner feelings rising to the surface.. And also councilors and therapists to. Which may not sound like a good thing but they are ( helped me alot at the beginning of my transition)...

I really am happy for you and good luck with everything. Keep us posted.. Xx

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[AnamethatstartswithE]

Thank you ladies. What's kind of annoying is that when I start to feel good, the doubts start creeping in. There are still several issues I want to work through before I'd feel comfortable pursuing transition, but I have time. I'll be moving from Europe back to the US in March so if I do decide to start HRT I wouldn't be able to until then. Until then I intend to explore both my feelings and my girly side. When I first accepted that I was trans I was really scared that I might lose parts of myself that I found important, but instead I'm both surprised/relieved that most of the old me is still there, just without all of the shame, and anger and nastiness that had developed during my period of denial.

Anyway I look forward to the journey, and Lea if I do transition I hope I can look half as pretty as you. (With the same to Kristina if your avatar is in fact you)

[LizK]

Thank you ladies. What's kind of annoying is that when I start to feel good, the doubts start creeping in. There are still several issues I want to work through before I'd feel comfortable pursuing transition, but I have time. I'll be moving from Europe back to the US in March so if I do decide to start HRT I wouldn't be able to until then. Until then I intend to explore both my feelings and my girly side. When I first accepted that I was trans I was really scared that I might lose parts of myself that I found important, but instead I'm both surprised/relieved that most of the old me is still there, just without all of the shame, and anger and nastiness that had developed during my period of denial.

Anyway I look forward to the journey, and Lea if I do transition I hope I can look half as pretty as you. (With the same to Kristina if your avatar is in fact you)

I hear what you are saying and when I have doubts I start to think about the reasons that lead me to start in the first place. If I have thoughts of not transitioning I start to feel really anxious now. I don't think I could go back from where I am now and certainly I have this burning desire to keep moving forward.
Seeing a therapist has helped me heaps to organise my thinking and see the issues that I wouldn't see.  I hope you can work through some stuff with yours. Keep positive. if it can happen for me, then it can happen for anyone.

I am really very close to acceptance and I continue forward regardless because I feel acceptance will come with the "doing" and the familiarity , if I am going to have any real lasting happiness I need to transition because I am not male and living this life any longer is not an option.

Take care and good luck with your therapist.

Sarah T

[leacobb]

Thank you ANAME for your kind words and yes it is me..lol.. I know how hard it can be sometimes when you have doughts because even now, i still have doughts and i have fully had my operation.. I think having doughts is normal because it helps you make up your mind in whatever you deside to do.. And seeing a therapist will help you separate the positive from the negitive.. But believe me when i say you will be fine. And you will meet your goals. Because you have strength inside you that you havnt unlocked yet. And when you do it will be a great day for you. Because i think your well on your way anyway.

Take care

[allinAllison]

I hear what you are saying and when I have doubts I start to think about the reasons that lead me to start in the first place. If I have thoughts of not transitioning I start to feel really anxious now. I don't think I could go back from where I am now and certainly I have this burning desire to keep moving forward.
Seeing a therapist has helped me heaps to organise my thinking and see the issues that I wouldn't see.  I hope you can work through some stuff with yours. Keep positive. if it can happen for me, then it can happen for anyone.

I am really very close to acceptance and I continue forward regardless because I feel acceptance will come with the "doing" and the familiarity , if I am going to have any real lasting happiness I need to transition because I am not male and living this life any longer is not an option.

Take care and good luck with your therapist.

Sarah T

Just want to say i feel the same too.  I was super happy when i accepted it. But that wore off and I'm worried if i don't do something every day I'm just gonna slide backward!

So it feels great, just challenge yourself all the time!

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