Could you love (romantic love) a transperson who hasn't had genital surgery?

[evelynaGR]

I could have a platonic relationship but not sexual acts as I'm asexual.  I'm not sexually attracted to anything.  I presume peeps have heard of asexuality, isnt that right?

OHHH MY!!! that's my post?

there is another person like me in here?

[Dorothy]

Could you make love with a transperson who hasnt had genital surgery?
Why or why not?

No.  I am attracted to both the person and the genitals of the person.  My view is that its different to have sex with a biological man who has lost his genitals for a or b reasons.  but having sex with a person with female genitalia is a another thing no matter how male that person looks.

Pia, so by your statement above, I gather that if a bio guy thinks of you as anything else but a woman because "you are a person with a penis, no matter how female you look", that would be OK too? How would you feel if my scenario were indeed true?  Just trying to understand what you meant above.

tink

Tink, no that wouldnt be OK.  I'd feel very uncomfortable because I'm a woman.  My penis doesnt make me male.  I take back what I said about trans men.  Sorry.  I presume I must have been tired that day.  Thank you for opening my eyes.

[Lisbeth]

Pia, so by your statement above, I gather that if a bio guy thinks of you as anything else but a woman because "you are a person with a penis, no matter how female you look", that would be OK too? How would you feel if my scenario were indeed true?  Just trying to understand what you meant above.

tink

Tink, no that wouldnt be OK.  I'd feel very uncomfortable because I'm a woman.  My penis doesnt make me male.  I take back what I said about trans men.  Sorry.  I presume I must have been tired that day.  Thank you for opening my eyes.

I can say that for me, that is a very uncomfortable position to be in.  I want to be loved and desired because of who I am.  The idea that part of that love and desire is because I have male parts makes me want to run away from the situation.

[Wing Walker]

I am unfamiliar with the term "cisgendered."  Will someone please tell me what that is?

When I transitioned I knew that my sexual desire would be with another woman, no boys allowed into my life.

I also concluded that my life was to be with another like me, M to F. 

I am blessed with the greatest romantic love of my entire life, the love that will, for me, survive into the next dimension, with another M to F.

Sex isn't a part of our lives yet.  After I have my GRS we expect that it will be.  My sexual orientation is lesbian.  It helps having one like me to share her life with me.

The answer in a word, based on experience, is, yes.

Wing Walker

[Berliegh]

Re: Could you love (romantic love) a transperson who hasn't had genital surgery? 

I do and she hasn't.......next question

[Yvonne]

I cannot be honest with my answer because I've never been in that situation.  I presume I could.

[kristylove]

i discovered the transgender community in my area a year ago. when i did i was totally blown away by transwomen. it is like i had found my way home. there is a term called 'transensual' that describes how a person can only be sexually attracted or emotionally to transwomen. i have since started to transition myself.
I know i am not attracted to men. i am not attracted to women. i am only attracted to transwomen. So yes i want to find that wonderful person to be with in a long term relationship. i want to love her and give her everything i can. at 58 the chances of this are very slim so i fully expect to be alone for the rest of my days.

love Kristy

[Janet_Girl]

Not only could I, but I do.  Both myself and my girlfriend are pre-op.

Janet

[kristylove]

mmm i have found that i need to look into a persons eyes to really see them. i already know what my dream lover will look like. slim like me. open and honest. loving and caring. and yes must be transwoman. i simply like to be topped now and then.

but really love is the most powerful of all human emotions. sometimes the fates like to through curves at us. we have our dreams and then we are at a starbucks or something and you meet someone and their is instant love. i dont know quite how this happens. our brains are formidable things. in less than a blink of an eye they toss about all the pros and cons decide what we should do and away we go. in milliseconds our brians have told us proceed full steam ahead. people talk about the 'chemistry' and thats true enough but the immense power our brains have has told us ;yep, go for it.

amazing.

all i really know is that i have an immense power of love inside me waiting to be loose and shared.

like the beatles said 'the love you take is equal to the love you give'

love all. Kristy

[bernii]

Hi Nero,

Trans or not, SRS or not, gay or not, straight or not, etc. Is not what is relevant to me. I love the person, we form a bond. Sex is just simply a communication of that love.

HUGS

Brenda

[Dana_W]

I definitely could. But I don't know if that was always true.

I think some time during my transition phase (which starts in the head, not with the physical stuff) gender became kind of... blurry... to me. All around. And I'm pretty much still there. I could love and FTM or MTF with or without surgery. Or cisgendered people. Or gender "curious" people. Provided I loved the person in the first place.

Anyway, I would expect a lot of trans folks to be pretty open minded on this topic. Would that the rest of the world felt the same it would make things a lot easier for us. 

[colormyworld]

To me at least, what a person looks like matters very little compared to who the person is on the inside. How you think and act is much more important to me than if you're male/female/mtf/ftm/pre-op/post-op/non-op/etc. In the grand scheme of things, I don't feel it really matters much. I fall in love more with the mind and personality, but that's just me.. *shrugs*

Am I emotionally stable enough to give a transperson the support that they need going through transition/SRS if the case may be, that's where I'm not quite sure! If I end up 'clicking' with a transperson, I'm not going to hold it against them one bit, but I'd let them know what's going on with me, so that we both know what we're getting ourselves into! That's the only thing that would make me weary at all, am *I* able to give them what they need out of a lover.

[Cindy]

My 2 cents worth,

Love and Sex. Two separate words. They may be, at some time,be conducive. But I think falling in love is different to falling into sex. When you truely love someone, that very special person, the sex bit works it way through. If the relationship is based on sex, well you girls and guys in the US have lots of examples from Hollywood. Doesn't work, to my mind.

Of course and not so far discussed is that sex is for procreation, and no I'm not a Bible pushing person ( sorry if I offended anyone). Cis girls at sometime in a relationship are (commonly) looking for a partner to father her children, Cis Guys may be less motivated in this but .... swings and roundabouts.

In a TG relationship this may not be an issue. Only trans women who have frozen down sperm and transmen who have frozen down eggs, will be able to have children, maybe. Yes we can adopt etc, but that's not the point of the thread. So sexuality for trans people may be a little different to that in the cis community.

Sorry if I'm rambling.
Love you Gals and Dudes.
Keeps me sane.

Now you know how scarey I am

Cindy

[Arch]

I'm terribly basic. Don't want to be that way; just am.

Could you love (romantic love) a transperson who hasn't had genital

Only if I didn't know that he was trans. I think that once I found out, I would be outta there.

Could you make love with a transperson who hasn't had genital surgery? Why or why not?

No. I'm not attracted to women, regardless of their equipment. And I'm grossed out by female genitals (wish I weren't), so a pre-op (pre-SRS) transman would be off-limits as well, as would a guy who wasn't planning any genital surgery.

And would whether they had plans for SRS or not make any difference to you?

Quite frankly, I don't see myself getting romantically involved with anyone who is trans. As I said, I'm not attracted to women at all. And I like "natural" penises. If I were to get involved with a transman, he would have to have a hella good phallo.

I feel like a hypocrite, but I think I'm really just a typical Kinsey 6 gay guy--in atypical packaging. Sigh.

[Jamie-o]

Oh cool!  Another resurrected Nero post! 

For me the physical attraction to men has more to do with the shape of the face, the broadness of shoulders, the male countour of the chest, etc. than with genitalia.  A Transguy would almost certainly have to have been on T a while to attract me; But, I figure that I'm unlikely to know for certain exactly what's in a guy's pants until I'm already pretty smitten, and at that point I can work with whatever he's got.  I'm not sure if I'd be able to bring myself to go down on a pre-op T-man, though.    I'd probably try it once, but no promises. 

[finewine]

For me the answer is yes because I'm in that situation right now, of course.

The more interesting question for me is, now that I've experienced it, do I actually prefer it? Hmm... *scratches chin*

[Walter]

Yes. I'm one of those rare people that would like a transperson more if they haven't had genital surgery

[Butterfly]

I'm terribly basic. Don't want to be that way; just am.

Only if I didn't know that he was trans. I think that once I found out, I would be outta there.

No. I'm not attracted to women, regardless of their equipment. And I'm grossed out by female genitals (wish I weren't), so a pre-op (pre-SRS) transman would be off-limits as well, as would a guy who wasn't planning any genital surgery.

Quite frankly, I don't see myself getting romantically involved with anyone who is trans. As I said, I'm not attracted to women at all. And I like "natural" penises. If I were to get involved with a transman, he would have to have a hella good phallo.

I feel like a hypocrite, but I think I'm really just a typical Kinsey 6 gay guy--in atypical packaging. Sigh.

Why are you calling other transmen "women"?  That's the same as saying that a pre-op transwoman is a "man" just because she's got a penis.  Are transmen "women" because they've got vaginas?  Are transwomen "men" because they've got penises? What's the point of transitioning then? Why are you transitioning then?

"Hella good phallos" won't be an option for many transmen for many years to come, so you're stuck with your vagina as well.  Are you a "woman" then too?

[sneakersjay]

Yes, unless she was unwilling to have a sexual relationship.  What exactly sex would mean would depend on both of us to work out.  But I couldn't be in a romantic relationship without sex, however defined.


Jay

[Silver]

Hmm. Only if they were comfortable enough with what they had themselves. Not sure if sexuality would work out very well depending on who they were.