Questions about child rearing

[AnamethatstartswithE]

As I am weighing transition I seem to have come to a major sticking point in my mind. I deeply feel that having biological children of my own is very important to me. I intend to freeze sperm, and assuming I stay interested in women post transition, that would be the easiest method. Assuming all of that comes to pass the question then arises, what sort of parental role would I fill? I don't know that I would really be a mother, but could I be a female father? That is the sort of thing I think about when I think about being a parent, but that may just be because I always was trying to live as a man. Does anyone have experience/insight on this?

Also it occurs to me that one of the benefits of having both a mother and a father in a family is that the child(ren) can see everyday behavior for both men and women as modeled by their parents. I don't think I would be able to do that if I were female. Are there any insights into this?

[iKate]

Moms are typically caregivers while fathers are protectors and playmates. But that line is blurred these days.

You can be a motherly figure. Or you can just be a parent and do whatever your kids need you to do and don't worry about gender stereotypes.

My kids (for now) call me dad but when they get older I'll have to tell them that they should call me something else.

Note that their mom is not accepting of my transition in any way, and we are headed for a split. I am attracted to men anyway and she's not a lesbian.

It can be as it is in a lot of lesbian couples, that the kid has 2 moms. That is totally fine.

[suzifrommd]

Studies have shown that children raised by gay or lesbian parents fare just as well, or better, than those raised by a male and a female. Kids are resilient. They find a way to survive. Otherwise the human race would have died out eons ago.

For me, I'd have preferred to play the mother role, but my ex was much better at it than I was, and couldn't be a disciplinarian to save her life, so I ended up being a fatherly sort.

[iKate]

For me, I'd have preferred to play the mother role, but my ex was much better at it than I was, and couldn't be a disciplinarian to save her life, so I ended up being a fatherly sort.

For me, it was totally the opposite. They want me to shower and dress them. I do that sometimes. I also cook for them sometimes.

I can do some discipline but since I've had my VFS I refuse to raise my voice, so I don't. I also don't want to channel my law enforcement past into dealing with my kids as I feel that is wrong. She actually is more strict with them than I an.

[KristinaM]

Having just had a newborn daughter almost 10 days ago now, I've been wrestling with this too.

What I've discovered though is that my only job is to be the best parent I can be. I assist my spouse (wife) as needed, and I've fallen into roles that I'm better at than her and vice versa. I'm the burper for instance. :-)

Don't get hung up on stereotypes, just be the best parent you can be. Do whatever is needed and find your niche with time and practice. My wife doesn't want me to go by mama, but I'm very maternal. There will surely be some overlap, but I will fill in the gaps in her parenting as needed and nothing more.

BTW, I heard frozen sperm is only viable for like 5 years...

[Asche]

My kids are 22 and 25 now.  The idea that I might be trans didn't even occur to me until recently, so for most of their growing up, I was (and thought of my self as) the Dad.  However, except for things like breast-feeding, I did more of the stuff one expects mothers to do and she did a lot of the stuff that fathers do.

Basically, I ended up being the one to look after my kids' emotional welfare, and their mother took care of their physical well-being, including arranging for activities.  One traditional daddy-role she wasn't good at was discipline: she tends to be oblivious to things and then flip out when she notices them, so "discipline" ended up being me trying to calm her down and protect our kids' from the worst of it.  On the other hand, when we needed someone to take the "Rottweiler" approach to protect our kids, she did it very well.