Any experiences with BDSM community?

[Swayallday]

I'm not sure I want to spend the rest of my life alligning to asexual. Sex is not a bad thing buuutttt it can sure get confusing O.o . Writing and talking about it has helped a bit so far but at the same time raises so many more questions.

So I went shopping and there was this stand with a few papers for like parties, events, etc.

I quikly glanced over a few and noticed crossdressing was on one; SO I GOT REALLY EXCITED AND YELLED YAY 

ladies behind the bar looked at me and smiled, told me it's a great party and all that but then I noticed it's a fetishparty :c. Aww, I really wanted to wear an outfit and kinda/just... blend in with the crowd. I suppose they've seen a whole lot more odd things then someone just trying on some clothes.

The dresscode seems to be 90percent latex so I guess that's a no go, I think that's a bit too much (expensive! :' ). Just feels oversexualized too and I just want to go there en femme and seeing all the rope-art, I somehow doubt fragile me can get past the "doorbitch"  . Even at that i'd have to be confident enough to even own it. I'm also quite oblivious so i'm afraid some dominant person might catch up on that.

Tis a bit early to explore my sexuality anyhow so I guess this won't be an "opportunity to dress"...

What's everyone elses take on BDSM?

Been to any parties? Or are in a community? I suppose no matter where you go there is people that understand and people that don't. Seeing how it's foundations are built on trust I thought maybe this avenue could go past gender/sex as it's mostly a dominant/submissive thing.

Too much debauchery ? 

[Yenneffer]

Lol I don't what to say I'm a submissive type 😊

[teddybear_zach]

I'm a Master with a live in submissive. I've been to dungeon parties before. It was a great experience. I've been doing this for 10 plus years now

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[maralehava]

Im part of my local bdsm community, and beyond a few  the vast majority are cool about trans issues. It can be very sexual at some clubs, at others sex is not allowed only play is, so it depends where you go. And if any domly types get pushy just tell em to back off. They should respect that. I know i would respect someones lack of interest

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[Sydney_NYC]

I've been in the BDSM community for over 8 years and it's a very transgender friendly environment. Some events do have dress codes, but most don't. However your expected to wear something kind of fetishy. It could be a simple collar (can be viewed as jewelry to the vanilla public), dressing in all black and a lot of the time people change when they get there (or to nothing at all, LOL). I've been to many events and sometimes I'll wear all black, sometimes I might wear a leather corset and a skirt. It just depends on my mood. You wouldn't want to go looking like a tourist at the beach, just have fun and enjoy. Also check out FetLife (just google it) and you can find events and friends in your area. Almost like a Facebook for the kink community. Have Fun

[gennee]

I attended one BDSM session at my local community center. During my questioning phase I strongly considered joining but realized that it wasn't me. I know someone who is in the leather community. I have a place in my heart for BDSM.I would most likely be a submissive if I was into BDSM.

[JenSquid]

I have only a tiny amount of experience so far (a few discussions and munches, no parties yet), though I'm looking to have more.
I recently found out that a friend of mine is also kinky, and she was kind enough to bring me along to one of the munches she attends. It was a lot of fun, and I hope to go again. I feel like this is something I should have done years ago, but my social anxieties wouldn't permit me. If nothing else, this gets me to open up and be honest about myself, which when it comes to sexual matters is something I've always had trouble doing (I hide too much).

Granted, I have occasionally wondered if I was in the wrong place, as much of the conversations I've heard seem to have focused on pain and inflicting it and not so much on restraints. I lean more on the BD side of things than the SM side, so I wonder if that's going to be an issue at some point. Hopefully not.

Interestingly, at the last munch I was at, I got to answer some guy's question of "what does cisgender mean?" The follow up question I got from this other girl at the table, "where does genderqueer fall into [the trans* umbrella]?" makes me think it is likely a trans-friendly group (or at least some of the people there are).

[chloeD33]

Any places or people here in Winnipeg?

[Samantha C]

I the past I spent about eight years in a power exchange relationship where I assumed the female role errands, kid ext....going to a munch is is a controlled environment others at least at the ones I was at had someone in charge of to keep it under control

If you have no experience with Bdsm and that's your interest  then see if you like the people at the munch and then dress and go

BDSM has a lot of levels and you don't want unknowingly fall down the rabbit hole

Be safe hugs

[chloeD33]

But where in Winnipeg?

[SimplyThea]

I really enjoy BDSM and I'm a total submissive. I don't get into the community much though. I prefer to keep my BDSM experiences between me and my romantic partners and just stick to whatever they are comfortable with.

[Nicodeme]

Probably worth noting that a lot of kinks that include crossdressing are more likely to approach it from a sissification/forced feminization approach. It's up to you if you're okay with being around people who view it like that. Personally, even though gender variance is something I kind of like, it's more because it's a fact of life rather than a fetish.

I don't get involved much in the "community" and stick to myself and my partner (/sub/pet...uh... >_>). I'd probably be more willing to branch out and make friends if I was more trusting and had more time, and if Fetlife wasn't so goddamn awful about safety and privacy. Maybe I'll get the gumption to go to a munch at some point. Who knows.

[natashaX]

I have heard a horror story here in canada
Amd the person is a life long military woman
And because of that i consider it reliable
Bdsm can and will be dangerous in canada,,
Dont do it please

[AshleyT]

Been a bit spoilt by being in London as the BDSM scene here is quite extensive. I've been involved in it in various roles (and genders!) for two decades, and more than anything if you're in the right crowd it's a great place to be. Very accepting, very welcoming, and generally pretty good at self-policing (from a public/club point of view). As with everything there are a handful of idiots around, but they don't tend to last long in the social sphere. There's also no pressure to actively participate - and in fact it became my main social outlet/circle for many years, with many of my scene friends becoming my closest friends in the normal world.

Playing one on one in private takes a bit more awareness/caution, but community/club events you should have no problems!

[chloeD33]

What makes it worse in Canada as opposed to the U.S?

[lisarenee]

I have heard a horror story here in canada
Amd the person is a life long military woman
And because of that i consider it reliable
Bdsm can and will be dangerous in canada,,
Dont do it please

Common sense is a must in any sexual or romantic encounter. All the horror stories I have heard (in the US) are the result of a person not using common sense. They met someone they barely knew (exclusively online) at their place, a hotel, or somewhere secluded and let that person tie them and/or gag them.

[Athena]

I must admit an interest in well more bondage then BDSM  but it is far to dangerous for me to try to find a Dom.
If I was able to find the right Dom it might be the best form of therapy I could ever find but it is much much more likely that I would fall into the trap of abuse instead which would destroy the last shreds of humanity I have left.

[Swayallday]

That's very nice! Yes, that does sound like a wonderful basis for a relationship.
Just not in the mood to explain these feelings years down the line before I start anything.
Clubs/Parties with strict dress code, there passed a few but I didn't dare x').

[Athena]

The community as a whole isn't abusive as boundaries are set and both parties find pleasure in their roles. But there are people who frequent the community that are abusive that the community may not have policed as of yet.

For reasons I don't really want to delve into here, I would be an easy prey for those abusive creeps.

[Sydney_NYC]

The community is really big on Safe, Sane and Consensual. Going to a dungeon or play party is much safer than doing it in private with someone you don't know well enough yet. In parties and clubs, there are DMs (Dungeon Monitors) that make sure no one is breaking the rules on Safe, Sane and Consensual. We use a system of safe-words and it's most common (and preferred in clubs) to use the colors (like a red-light.) Red means stop, end of scene, I want out now. Yellow means back off it's getting too much but I want the scene to continue, and green means everything OK. (Although it's assumes green unless one of the signal colors are used.) If someone is yelling a safe-word and the top isn't stoping the DM will step in and stop the scene.