Feeling alone, can't find help.

[BlueRabbit]

*Waves* Heya, not been on the site for a while, for so long I couldn't get back into my old account. Must've forgot the password or something so made a new one.

Right so! I'll try not to make this toooo long but at the same time I wanna make sure I get as much information as I can in this post so If anyone has some advice then fantastic! And also I've not spoke about the whole trans thing in a while so it's nice to vent a little, helps me think on the topic too.

So I'm 21 and I'm still no where near to "coming out." I still present as male (I'm MTF) and I've not started any sort of transition yet. But I have known for a verrrry long time that things are not okay and that I feel like I should've been born female.

I sought help from my doctor about two years ago (I also told friends for support which I'll refer to later) I was also as depressed as I had ever been at that point in my life too, so I was looking for help with that. While the trans stuff was a big reason it wasn't the only one. So my doctor said we'll sort out the depression first and then tackle the trans stuff. That's stupid, I'm not gonna feel better about the trans stuff until it's tackled... But none the less I said okay. Anti depressants were whipped out, they were terrible. took several "brands" until we found a type that didn't give me a side effect like unable to get a hard on. I was then on the anti depressants for at least half a year, each session in that half a year "When can we tackle the trans stuff or at least start?" he'd reply "when you're not depressed."
At the end of the half a year-ish or how ever long it was, it was at least over 6months. I finally broke down and told him I NEEED help with it, I'm not going to be happier until some one is helping me with the issue and it's all I think about and I just can't handle it.
He said alright lets sort it out I'll start on it. I went away, came back for another session (like two weeks at least between each session, sometimes a month) and he said he's referring me to a trans clinic where I can seek help. At LEAST a year has passed since then. NOTHING happened and each time I questioned him about it he said I can send another letter but they might take a while to respond it's VERY busy.

I've tried and tried with doctors but nothing happens, I just wait and wait and wait. I don't know what to do I've tried reaching out to doctors and begging for help but they just say "Yea lets get you sorted!" then nothing ever happens. I'm not asking for HRT or anything like that, simply a therapist to help me make a plan for my future, help me feel okay with my self. But I'm all alone and no matter how much I try I can't get help. That's what it feels like.

And them friends? Or one rather, he told some one! This was recent! Was the worst but luckily people asked me about it and I just laughed and acted confused and said it's weird he would say that. And I'm 100% sure no one believes it.

But basically I can't get any professional help, I've tried and it's just not working.

If it helps I'm from the UK. If anyone is from the UK and found help please tell me what you did.

[Qrachel]

Dear Blue:

I'm from the US, so I can't help with how things work in the UK.

I can listen, I can be here as can others, and I'm sure there are folks here who do know the UK and how things work.

Don't give up, be insistent, show up when it makes sense in person . . . own your destiny and be present.  That's not a criticism; rather, it's a suggestion that you have more at stake than anyone in your future.  When I made that little shift in my perspective of my journey, it made a lot of difference.  I still loved and trusted people believing in the good and helpfulness of human kind, but I also was number one when it came to my life, my decisions, and the impact I sought.

And in all honesty, sometimes that was painful and I could have handled things better . . . and as time passed I did handle things better, well actually, more feminine.  It's now nearly 15 years since I made me in my life responsible as is/was possible.  It's all worked out and still is.  That's the good news for you - it will work out if you are true to who you are and are willing to be as insistent as you wish others were in the matters of your life - don't give up; it will happen.  Of course, this really works best when conducted with respect, concern and a bit humor (OMG, the number of times I have laughed at my own expense     ). 

Take good care and please stay in touch,

Rachel

[Cindy]

Hi BlueRabbit and Welcome to Susan's

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I'm in Australia, so the UK NHS is a bit of a mystery to me. But there are lots of UK people here, and I'm sure they will help out.

Welcome Hon

[chuufk]

I've tried and tried with doctors but nothing happens, I just wait and wait and wait. I don't know what to do

Hi. I am from the UK and I have been right through the whole system from start to finish. It is easier than it looks so do not panic. You just need to decide how you want to go forwards. You have two main options:

1) Private - this involves going to see a specialist in London. There are two of them that deal with MTF trans people. Total costs of the initial two or three sessions (all together) are something in the region of £500. Since you will be seeing doctors and accredited medical people you do not need to inform your GP in advance.

2) NHS - this is slower but cheaper. You need to TELL (not ask) your doctor that you want to be referred to a Gender Identity Clinic (GIC). In England there are 7 of these dotted around the country. If you post which region you live in I can tell you which is likely to be the best one to attend. You can choose any of them. If you are in Wales they will send you to London and Scotland has its own clinics around Glasgow/Edinburgh.

You can go private to get started and then switch to the NHS if you want to. Some people go private to start with, get diagnosed and get their first prescription and then get their GP to prescribe on the NHS. This is the fastest way and minimises the costs.

It is also wise to tell your GP that you want some baseline blood tests done. These should include the following (NHS codes in brackets)

- oestradiol (E2)
- testosterone (TEST)
- liver / hepatic profile (H1)
- prolactin (PROL)
- Thyroid (T4 / TSH / TFT)

in addition add the following

- Full Blood count
- cholesterol
- glucose and blood sugars

I advise you to have these tests done before seeing anyone, either private or NHS. When the results come back get a copy printed out for your own records and put it in a file. Keep all your transition paperwork together in a file and always take it with it. File appointments, letters, results, etc and keep them organised and together.

OK. What questions do you have from reading that lot?

[KristinaM]

I'm from the US, but the process is pretty similar to what chuufk suggested it sounds like, except we don't have many/any GICs I don't think.  I went "informed consent" to get started on HRT while I waited a long time for an appointment with a specialist.

Best of luck to you!

[leacobb]

Hi. I am from the UK and I have been right through the whole system from start to finish. It is easier than it looks so do not panic. You just need to decide how you want to go forwards. You have two main options:

1) Private - this involves going to see a specialist in London. There are two of them that deal with MTF trans people. Total costs of the initial two or three sessions (all together) are something in the region of £500. Since you will be seeing doctors and accredited medical people you do not need to inform your GP in advance.

2) NHS - this is slower but cheaper. You need to TELL (not ask) your doctor that you want to be referred to a Gender Identity Clinic (GIC). In England there are 7 of these dotted around the country. If you post which region you live in I can tell you which is likely to be the best one to attend. You can choose any of them. If you are in Wales they will send you to London and Scotland has its own clinics around Glasgow/Edinburgh.

You can go private to get started and then switch to the NHS if you want to. Some people go private to start with, get diagnosed and get their first prescription and then get their GP to prescribe on the NHS. This is the fastest way and minimises the costs.

It is also wise to tell your GP that you want some baseline blood tests done. These should include the following (NHS codes in brackets)

- oestradiol (E2)
- testosterone (TEST)
- liver / hepatic profile (H1)
- prolactin (PROL)
- Thyroid (T4 / TSH / TFT)

in addition add the following

- Full Blood count
- cholesterol
- glucose and blood sugars

I advise you to have these tests done before seeing anyone, either private or NHS. When the results come back get a copy printed out for your own records and put it in a file. Keep all your transition paperwork together in a file and always take it with it. File appointments, letters, results, etc and keep them organised and together.

OK. What questions do you have from reading that lot?

Wow. I couldnt of agreed with that any more than i do. Great advice....

The only other thing i will add tho regarding the NHS is that things will be slow i had to wait on and off for years.. But they do help you may just need to be patient if you deside this route.

Good luck with everything x

Sent from my LG-D722 using Tapatalk

[BlueRabbit]

Thanks to all of you, sorry the reply is a bit late.

The advice was all very helpful.