Feel ill and suicidal

[ChristineHaylett]

Doctors are still being useless, my ECG i have not been told the results off.
the blood test failed, and they have not rebook it.

Their reason they wont help is a stupid excuse that there is a high waiting list at their clinic and they just me told me its been delayed by 12 months, so back to the start.
I was crying down the phone and simply don't care they just had their doctor tell me to wait, but how can you wait when people look at me in the street and say nasty things that makes me want to die.

I don't feel well any more, and still taking the tablets as I'm happy with the results.
My support workers have tried to make sense of why they wont help me as they know I'm a women and highly support me doing this transition, and the doctors don't even bother contacting them back.
As I won't stop self medicating they have put me on some alert thing that I'm at serous risk of hurting myself but the hospital won't work with them to help to help me, they feel sorry for me.

Overall I feel low, I feel Ill, its 4.00 am and I cant sleep still, I guess my life will end in time and ill point the blame at the NHS doctors down here.

[Shads]

Ohh Christine, you have come this far, please don't give up.  You are strong.

[ChristineHaylett]

Is there any help out there , they tell me I have to wait 12 months for us to "de cuss hormones" after which will take around 3 appointments each about 3 month's apart, that is nearly 2 years just to get hormones.
But I'm sad all the time to the point in which I constantly keep having suicidal thoughts , I cry so much it is putting stress on my partner, we have decide to attempt to damage my private parts in order to stop them producing testosterone as it is causing me far to much stress.
My GP won't prescribe and tell me only GIC can do this, he simply don't care and the GIC refuse to see me early.

All I do is self prescribe but I can only afford so little and when I run out my breast shrink at a rapid rate causing me massive emotional episodes. I can't help but feel hopeless now as Iv'e been trying hard sense march to get help.

Would private me able to give me a private prescription, but even then I could not afford such appointment, I've thought of bupa but doubt they would help.
I'm really out of options and feeling highly suicidal but no doctor or even the mental health assessment team in A&E believe me.

[stephaniec]

Sorry, I have no answers for you, I live in the US and it seems from your posts that it's quite a bit different there. I hope you can find a way to get help.

[April_TO]

First of all, hugs. I must say taking your life will not change anything. However, is there any way that you can sustain your meds while waiting for your appointment. Also, try to dress andro for now to ease the social pressure you are getting while waiting for your appointment. I'm not sure how far you would go being andro but it will sure ease the anxiety of being out in public for now. These are just suggestions to help you get on with your daily life. I once heard from someone that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is madness. This is your only chance girl,  be brave and stay beautiful xoxo


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Shads]

Hi Christine

I saw your last post yesterday and have spent several hours trying to come up with a reply that doesn't sound callous or uncaring because that is not what it is meant to be.

I too am a Brit and although I am not going down the same road as you at the moment (for various reasons), I know just how slow/bad the NHS can be.  I think most of us Brits see the NHS in it's worse light.  Perhaps finding a new Dr would help? 

If going out in the world in boy or girl mode is hard then as carmenkate posted, wear some gender neutral/ando clothing if helps you.

Patience is ts the key here and I know that is hard for everyone at times, especially when our heart is being ripped apart like this.  Transitioning is  not a race but you WILL get there.  I won't pretend and say I know how you feel, no one knows how you feel.  Just that we have all hit this turbulent waters, pothole or whatever else you call it and we do get through it with support.

Your partner sounds like an amazing person and I am glad you have her by your side, you also have us here.

Before I finish this post I want to say you are an amazing person too, please remember that.

Stay strong hon.

*hugs*

[Stephanie G]

Hey I am not sure how it is there but have you looked up doctors that will provide hormones just based upon informed consent? I went through years of therapy, phycologist, phyciatrist when I was in the military and didn't get anywhere with them. It wasn't until I left the military that I got somewhere, I didn't want to have to go through all that again so I found a doctor that did informed consent for hormones. Might help to take a look?

[ChristineHaylett]

Hi Christine

I saw your last post yesterday and have spent several hours trying to come up with a reply that doesn't sound callous or uncaring because that is not what it is meant to be.

I too am a Brit and although I am not going down the same road as you at the moment (for various reasons), I know just how slow/bad the NHS can be.  I think most of us Brits see the NHS in it's worse light.  Perhaps finding a new Dr would help? 

If going out in the world in boy or girl mode is hard then as carmenkate posted, wear some gender neutral/ando clothing if helps you.

Patience is ts the key here and I know that is hard for everyone at times, especially when our heart is being ripped apart like this.  Transitioning is  not a race but you WILL get there.  I won't pretend and say I know how you feel, no one knows how you feel.  Just that we have all hit this turbulent waters, pothole or whatever else you call it and we do get through it with support.

Your partner sounds like an amazing person and I am glad you have her by your side, you also have us here.

Before I finish this post I want to say you are an amazing person too, please remember that.

Stay strong hon.

*hugs*

I dont find it hard to be a women, I'm infact full time women I don't even have male clothes has I cant stand them, I am comfortable in my clothes, I avoid anything now that reminds me of mens clothes.
I just hate when people start on me which is becoming less and less now as I look very femine now and most people cant tell. But when they can tell it hurts so much.

I hate the fact you have to wait for people say say yeah sure have hormones when I know what I am and accept that all ready.

[chuufk]

I am confused and I cannot understand your problem.

I understand that you are upset that the doctors seem to be going slow, but you already live full time as female and you are already on hormones. The doctors will get their act together but your transition is moving ahead so what is so upsetting?

[Shads]

I have egg on my face as I totally miss understood you and for that I apologize.