Having to start thinking on fashion, and soon.

[Jeanie Todd]

Okay, so a little bit of backstory if anyone needs it - I'm MtF and pre-almost-everything-except-therapy, and part of Sweden's laws say I need to start living as a woman long before I can actually get treatment. I'm going to have to try to "start passing" without any sort of hormones, before the subsidized voice lessons, before hair removal, all of the things that would make this transition much more comfortable.

What this means is I'm in a situation where I have to start dressing as a woman, even though everything about me still looks very, very much male. I genuinely have no idea what I'm doing, because I've never given much thought to what clothes I wear. I'm new to pretty much anything that isn't jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies.

I hate to admit it, but I've got a gut. Not huge or anything, but it's the sort of gut that says "male patterns of fat deposits," which makes it somewhat harder. I have no idea what sort of clothes I should be looking for. What kind of things will help draw attention away from my stomach while still being feminine? I honestly don't know where to start, and I've got about a month before I'm potentially denied further treatment under pretense of "not taking it seriously."

Any suggestions?

[Ms Grace]

I'm sorry you have to go through that very unfair system. As for fashion - try a "larger lady" look, look at women who might have a bit of size and see what you feel looks nice and go for that. When you are dressing you will presumably wear something to give you a bit of a bust and a bust will most certainly help draw attention elsewhere. In the meanwhile maybe think of ways to drop a bit of weight so that you can find more suitable clothing.

[Lyric]

Well, Jeanie, there are many of us out here who have long done the fashion and passing thing without ever starting hormones, so it's certainly possible enough. If you want to become a woman you'll doubtless need to get into these things soon enough anyway, so the sooner the better.

First of all, start with the familiar. There are plenty of women who mostly wear jeans, t-shirts and hoodies. In fact that's most of what I see when I go out the supermarket or wherever in my neighborhood. You might start by shopping for some of those same things, but from the women's side of aisle. You can probably find womens clothes that fit you regardless of your size, but if you're pretty large you're best be may be the specialty shops. Of course you can find clothes online, too, but it's very hit and miss. I don't even try to buy jeans online anymore.

Something that would really accellerate your efforts would be enlist the aid of a genetic woman or two in your fashion efforts. Most women love to help each other shop for clothes, cosmetics and such and their experience could save you from a lot of mistakes. Ask around. Maybe a co-worker or someone would help you out.

As for understanding women's fashion and what's trendy and such, I've learned a lot from kind of celebrity copycat method. For instance I often study websites that post photos of celebrities in their street clothes. When I see something I like I save the pic in a reference file. These people pay experts to dress them in the most current fashions, so why no steal ideas from the best? When I get ready to clothes shop, I refer to that file for and try to find reasonably priced pieces that will duplicate those looks.

Good luck with it, anway. Let us know how it goes.

[allinAllison]

Oh jeez, that law seems crazy.

I know what you mean! I never cared for men's fashion.  I do like women's, but i am also starting from the ground up.

I watched hours of What Not to Wear... A lot of good tips on dressing your body.

Maybe just start with women's jeans and tops? Not everyone has to wear a dress

Sent from my SM-G925T using Tapatalk

[Katiepie]

As everyone else has stated, start with jeans, t-shirt and hoodies. Of course from the women's department rather than males. If you are willing to check out the stretchy skinny or even end up going toward the more flared look of boot cut, those would be a good start.

I used to watch the show What Not to Wear, before I k we I was trans, it does have really good tips on casual up to business, even to sleepwear. Maybe run back on some episodes in which have a similar body to you as per female side, and you might get a few pointers in which you can find "your" casual. If it would be to find a certain style jeans in which you would adore, or even a hoodie in which would not look too frumpy, like a more fitted type.
Also when you do start shopping, you will need to look at the outfit as a whole, if it will go well together, instead of one thing here and one thing there. If I could I would love to go shopping with you to help, I have a sort of keen eye on fashion.

Kate <3

[genevie]

So a year ago I looked forward and decided to do what I could to make transition easier. A very muscular male is hard to hide. So I lost weight. Both muscle and fat. 40 pounds less now and though still a muscular male, not quite so much. Sometimes a glance in the mirror I can start to fool myself a little. So that's another idea for you. Start changing your body now. Trainers will help you if that is needed.

[Skylar1992]

Actually you don't ''have'' to dress like anything as that is just a stereotype. Nearly all the time I just wear hoodie, jeans, t-shirt and I know alot of middle aged women around here who are 20 or so years older than me that do the same. It is a little different for formal events etc , but hopefully the wouldn't be happening to often. At the end of the day wear what you feel comfortable in, not what you feel you ''have'' to wear.

[barbie]

I am not a typical cis-woman, and I tend to wear boldly. I like clothes for the 20s. Even I wear a flower on my hair, which is very rare here in my country. I enjoy people's attention, but do not like men's stare.

Yes. It requires a lot of trial and errors to wear nicely. Selfies or other photos will help you determine which is better. Overall appearance is the more important than focusing one or two fashion items.

barbie~~

[Eva Marie]

Hi Jeanie Todd-

That is very unfair to make you go through RLE without being on hormones. Sounds like Sweden is stuck somewhere in the 1970's as far as treatment of transsexualism.

Even without hormones there are lots of things you could and should be doing now:

1 - Get in better shape. Eating healthier is always good, and getting off the couch and getting some exercise can only make you feel and look better. There is only one you and investing effort in taking care of you always pays off. Stop any bad habits like smoking or drinking to excess too. Most doctors won't prescribe hormones if you smoke.

2 - Grooming. You can start laser or electrolysis now to remove unwanted hair. You can paint your nails. You can start moisturizing you face at night. Start doing the things and following the grooming rituals that women do.

3 - Study & Observation. Spend some time at the mall and at other places sitting somewhere off to the side and casually observe the clothing that women wear every day.  Note that not all of the women are super model material, and that women come in all shapes and sizes. Some look quite masculine in fact.

Most women dislike some aspects of their bodies and they use various tricks to conceal those problem areas. Try to figure out what each woman is concealing and how she is doing it. I am guilty of this myself - I have a large upper torso and a bit of a progesterone belly and i've found that loose flowing tops do a lot to conceal that.

4 - After 3 has been done its time to decide what your everyday look is going to be. For me I was always in jeans and a button down shirt so it wasn't too much of a stretch to switch to skinny jeans dressed up with nice heels and a nice top with my hair in a pony tail - sort of a slightly dressed up soccer mom look. Works for me. IGNORE the things you see in fashion magazines and in women's advertisements unless you are a skinny model and can pull off the look that is presented (hint: most women can't).

5 - Experiment. Before sinking a fortune into clothes that either won't fit properly or that you wind up not liking visit your local thrift store (do they have those in Sweden?) and do some shopping. Clothes there are cheap and after you buy and try on some different styles you'll get to know what you like and what looks good on you, and more importantly you'll learn what doesn't work for you. As a bonus you'll also learn your women's sizes.

I was shooting to blend in with the female population, not stand out. Women get stared out by everyone so if you want to blend in and not attract attention to yourself dress appropriately - no mini skirts or crop tops or 6" heels 

And remember to enjoy the experience - you only get to do this one time 

[Qrachel]

What Grace said . . .  that was sort of my trajectory for about 14 mos.  It was - to be honest a whole bunch of things that having experienced them really prepared me for becoming a woman after 58 years of very privileged male life. 

If there had been another way, I would have taken it, but I really became grounded in what it would be like to wear a feminine mantel for life.  One thing I can promise, you will survive and be a more empathetic person when you turn to the full-blown spectrum of life with HRT, FFS, RLT, SRS, etc. (your menu of things may vary).

Take good care and may the wind always be at your back,

Rachel

[estropunk]

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with a screwed up legal system, but on the bright side, this can be a really fun new way to explore the gender role you're transitioning into. Fashion can be a lot of fun!

There's two things I do when putting together new looks. I make mental notes of outfits I see in movies and TV that I think would look good on my body type, and I browse Pinterest for outfit ideas. Then, since I am far from wealthy, I go shopping at thrift stores for articles of clothing similar to the ones I was looking at so that I can recreate the outfits more cheaply.

It can be stressful at first since it's all so new, but you might eventually find that you get a lot of enjoyment out of it. The important thing is to find a style that fits you, that you will be comfortable in. After all, finally feeling comfortable about yourself is what transition is all about, right?

[Promethea]

In Sweden's defense, almost everything related to transition is paid for by the government and it was the first country to allow gender marker change, in the '70s. So yes, that's when these laws were redacted. They have been updated and work is being done to update them further.

Eva Marie, she will get free electrolysis after some time, she shouldn't have to pay to do it earlier. Like most Swedes she's probably blonde, which isn't good for laser.

On the upside, Jeanie Todd, light facial hair is not that noticeable and easier to cover with a bit of make-up than dark hair. There's tutorials on YouTube and probably on this forum on how to cover beard shadow. From YouTube you can also learn some simple make-up techniques at first. Simple discrete make-up can go a long way until you get better and can do fancier stuff. Most days I just use some foundation to even my skin and ease the transition to my dark beard shadow (it doesn't completely cover it), and with that it seems I have passed.

Don't worry about fashion so much at first. You will feel everyone is looking at you, don't add clothes that will attract more attention to that. After all, you're in Sweden, be lagom. Look around, see what women from your environment with your body type wear, and see if any of that fits your taste.

Accept that you will make "mistakes" at first. You will look at photos later and say why did I wear this. The good thing is that you will be able to tell the difference.

Also, be grateful that you're going through this in a country that, compared to others, is very open and accepting. When I went full time I had no perspective of getting any type of treatment at all, and it was in a very religious area. For me that was still better than staying in guy mode. Remembering how terrible that was kept me motivated. Friends'support was also very important.

[Jeanie Todd]

Thanks for all the advice, everyone. Sorry I didn't answer for a while; I was away at my fiance's niece's birthday party, and I'm busy with assignments. A lot of really good suggestions that I'll certainly have to try.

Also, to Skylar, I appreciate that you say "a woman doesn't have to dress like x," and I agree with you, but literal laws are laws and it's something I've actually got to do. So, you know.

Although, and I don't know if this will mean anything to anybody here except for my fellow Swedes, an acquaintance of mine got in touch with RFSL who said the following on the matter.

"Vårt intryck är att vården får allt bättre koll på att man som transperson kan vilja uttrycka sig på olika sätt, liksom cispersoner eller personer som identifierar sig med det kön de blev tilldelade när de föddes. Det finns ju en massa sätt att vara kvinna på, och att kunna uttrycka det på ett sätt som känns bekvämt för en själv är också viktigt för att kunna realisera sin identitet och kroppsbild. Vi ser även att vården får mer koll på till exempel att alla transpersoner inte är heterosexuella, att man kan njuta av sex utan att ha korrigerat sin kropp och att alla inte har behov av alla de behandlingar för att ändra på sin kropp som finns. Vårdtagarens egna behov blir allt viktigare för utredningen och vården vid könsdysfori.

Just trygghet, säkerhet och risken att bli dåligt bemött och behandlad på olika sätt var något som vi på RFSL Ungdom och RFSL tog upp med Socialstyrelsen i samband med att de utarbetade de nya riktlinjerna i kunskapsstöden. Socialstyrelsen skriver att man inte förväntas påbörja en RLE, om man inte själv vill, innan man fått ändra på sin kropp med till exempel hormoner, hårborttagning, logopediska insatser (röstträning) eller hjälpmedel. (sidan 36) Just för att man ska kunna känna sig mer som sig själv och lättare uppfattas av andra som den man faktiskt är, alltså som kvinna i ditt fall."

The gist of that is basically that social services is on my side and that I don't necessarily have to begin RLE without some form of help first, in the form of voice lessons or hair removal, for example. I'm not even sure if the people down at Akademiska Sjukhuset entirely realize this, but it's certainly great news for me.

[CarlyMcx]

Not to threadjack, but this is the only Swedish I know.  And God bless John Candy's soul, for making a little teenage transgirl (me) laugh hard enough to forget for an hour or two that she was trapped in a boy's body. 

[Lady_Oracle]

I say stay away from jeans, if anything get jeggings instead. If I were you I'd focus on getting tops and skirts to better hide the midsection and bring more attention to your legs and chest. You could also wear necklaces and bring more focus to your collarbone area. It's just about distraction like sleight of hand but with clothes lolol. You can easily give your self more of a nipped waist with any control undies. You just have to dress accordingly to your shape. Looking proportional for your height helps a bunch too.

[Promethea]

Thank you for posting that, Jeannie. It does mean a lot for me, since I'm a Swedes living abroad.

I've been full time for over a year, and I'm going back to Sweden for treatment as soon as I can afford to. I was afraid they would not recognize the time I've already been full time as part of the RLE, so that is comforting to read.

By the way, I will be going to the Akademiska Sjukhuset too!