A frustrating encounter

[thorhugs]

So far, I haven't really run into much negativity about my transition, but a few days ago I ran into something that wasn't exactly negative, but I got seriously angry about it.

A friend brought their boyfriend (a cis dude) over to hang out. I figured the guy would be cool, since the friend is nonbinary.

The first was that he kept intentionally misgendering our animals. Which, ultimately, it's not that big of a deal. But seriously, dude?! We have 2 dogs and a cat and they're all female. But he kept referring to the dogs as "he." After both me and my friend corrected him several times, he explained that all dogs are male to him and he wouldn't stop.

But then, I was talking to my friend about the binder that I had just gotten that day and was wearing for the first time, because they had experience with binders but not the brand I got. We were talking about the ups and downs of wearing one. And the boyfriend decided to jump into it by saying HE wished he could do something like that because he was a little insecure about his chest.

The worst part is that this visit was meant to be me coming out to this friend who I've known for years. This was a big deal for me and this guy just tromped all over it!

[Wolf Man]

Your friend's BF just sounds like an overall ->-bleeped-<-. I'd say just ->-bleeped-<- what he says. Always be aggressive in correcting things he has to say until it gets through his head or until he gets the hint and chooses to just shut it.

I can't keep my cool in situations like that. I'm sorry he took the spotlight though. SOs shouldn't be automatic invites so you could try talking to your friend away from the BF.

[thorhugs]

I'm definitely not going to be putting up with it ever again, that's for sure. And I likely won't allow the boyfriend to tag along next time. Because that was so not someone I want in my house.

[Aazhie]

Wow, maybe he was just completely ignorant- but what a loser  :/  Sorry you had such a lame time and I've know people that were idiots like that too.

In a cute way, my newer roommate asked me about transitioning and I told her about surgery. When i told her I had to pay out of pocket and how much it was, she was like, "Wow I couldn't do that, I mean I'd rather buy a car or something."  I was just like... *headdesk and eyeroll at same time*  Just reminded me of Kids Say the Darndest Things more than anything that would actually upset me, but yeesh  XD

[thorhugs]

Wow, maybe he was just completely ignorant- but what a loser  :/  Sorry you had such a lame time and I've know people that were idiots like that too.

In a cute way, my newer roommate asked me about transitioning and I told her about surgery. When i told her I had to pay out of pocket and how much it was, she was like, "Wow I couldn't do that, I mean I'd rather buy a car or something."  I was just like... *headdesk and eyeroll at same time*  Just reminded me of Kids Say the Darndest Things more than anything that would actually upset me, but yeesh  XD

Yikes! I know that feeling all too well. I have a super young roommate who's like that to. And is part of the reason I've not come out to her directly. She does stuff like trying to tell our other roommate (who is from a Mexican immigrant family) about Mexican culture, based on her limited exposure to a few people in the neighborhood where she grew up.

It's that lovely line between "you're young and don't know better" and "how can you be so ignorant?"

[captains]

Oof, there's a kid in my class who loves to do that. I always get second hand embarrassed watching him. Like bro, c'mon, aren't you painfully aware of your ignorance here? The other day he told me alllllllll about "what it's like for a trans" and then turned to another classmate, who is Indian, and informed him that he was an expert on Indian culture. It was a horror.

[Aazhie]

Oof, there's a kid in my class who loves to do that. I always get second hand embarrassed watching him. Like bro, c'mon, aren't you painfully aware of your ignorance here? The other day he told me alllllllll about "what it's like for a trans" and then turned to another classmate, who is Indian, and informed him that he was an expert on Indian culture. It was a horror.

D8  Oh jeez, that must have been fun! Did he have any amazing pearls of wisdom on the zen of trans-dom for you?  Good lordy XD

[Obfuskatie]

So far, I haven't really run into much negativity about my transition, but a few days ago I ran into something that wasn't exactly negative, but I got seriously angry about it.

A friend brought their boyfriend (a cis dude) over to hang out. I figured the guy would be cool, since the friend is nonbinary.

The first was that he kept intentionally misgendering our animals. Which, ultimately, it's not that big of a deal. But seriously, dude?! We have 2 dogs and a cat and they're all female. But he kept referring to the dogs as "he." After both me and my friend corrected him several times, he explained that all dogs are male to him and he wouldn't stop.

But then, I was talking to my friend about the binder that I had just gotten that day and was wearing for the first time, because they had experience with binders but not the brand I got. We were talking about the ups and downs of wearing one. And the boyfriend decided to jump into it by saying HE wished he could do something like that because he was a little insecure about his chest.

The worst part is that this visit was meant to be me coming out to this friend who I've known for years. This was a big deal for me and this guy just tromped all over it!

Seriously I would have just laughed in that guy's face about the dog comment. I would sort of understand if he had claimed that dogs were the best pets for men or whatever because of our culture. But claiming all dogs are male even the dogs that aren't is soooooooo stupid.
A lot of people are sexist and ignorant and insensitive. I think he meant well when he interjected into your conversation about binders. He simply can't understand that his poor body image isn't the same as the dysphoria we go through when our body doesn't match our gender. The fact he even mentioned his insecurity is kind of a big deal for some guys, plus he probably felt like a third wheel and wanted to interject. Not that that makes it ok for him to trivialize the trans experience or deny half of dogs genders. Some people don't like it when the conversation isn't about them or things they "know" or are interested in. I usually listen to that type of person and really talk with the people I can be closer with.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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