My friend is having an issue coming to terms with her sexuality.

[Juniper]

   Hey all, I was hoping for some advice.
   (I hope this is in the right section. I both needed to get it off my chest and ask for advice which was not immediately TG-related.)
   One of my friends just texted me, explaining to me how she likes girls, but her parents are not okay with it and she doesn't want to "be lesbian", she "can't".
   I've run out of things to say to her aside from the typical "Nobody can tell you who you can and can not, or should and should not like," kind of things, and I was hoping people from here could help me out.
   She basically explained to me that she likes girls, and has no attraction toward men. She claims she can "fix" herself by doing bed activities with a man, and I try to tell her it's really not going to change anything in the long run, but I don't know if she's really listening.
   She says she trusts me, and what I'm saying, but in the end I don't think she's going to actually heed my words. Basically, she says she doesn't like long-term relationships, preferring one-night kind of things, and likes girls. Her parents are telling her she can't like these, and wants her to be in a relationship with a boy from her school. (I've met her parents. Not very kind people.)
   I also explained to her that (although she is adopted) love should be unconditional, and is not "void if not heterosexual and able to hold a relationship", but she didn't seem to care.
   In the end, I was really hoping somebody could give me something I could say that would get past the blocked ears of hers and just help her understand that she's who she is, and nobody has the right to say she is not 'right'.
   Thank you for any help you can give!

[Ms Grace]

It's not uncommon for people to believe what your friend is saying. As much as we can see different, and as much as we don't wish to see people we love hurt sometimes they are intent on following through with their theories and what not regardless. You offered up your advice, she isn't listening, what more can you reasonably do? For some people the only way they realise they are wrong is to try it and discover the truth for themselves. I know that sounds harsh but it seems like she is old enough to chose and act for herself. Experiences help us to grow, when it comes to sexuality sometimes experimentation is the only way people can know for sure - as long as she isn't hurting herself then it may work out alright in the end even if it is bumpy in the process.

[Allison Wunderland]

Sexual orientation is not a choice.

Sometimes people experiment. Some are "bi-sexual." But it's not a choice.

Just like gender is not a choice. But with gender, if you change, people will notice. With sexual orientation, it's possible to stay in the closet, be covert. But sexual orientation is not a choice, not a "life-style" . . .

[Laura_7]

- sexual orientation is not a choice. According to scientific studies its hard wired into the brain, many say before birth.
Credible psychologists also agree that its not possible to change it.
It just leads to unhappiness if real orientation is supressed.

-it should be about love. If she loves someone regardless of its a woman or a man that should do.

-children are not there to fulfill their parents expectations. They are there in their own right. They have to live according to what they feel makes them happy.
Its better parents change their pictures than someone doing things that make them not happy.
Its simply not who they are.

[Dena]

For many years people have been trying to "fix" gay people and nobody has found a way that works. Your friend was born that way just as you were born the way you are and for her to be happy in life, she needs to accept who she is and be proud of it. If she attempts to fight who she is, she will only be unhappy. It may be best for her to not speak of it around her parents because it appears she will not receive help form them, but do your best to be a friend and continue to listen to her when she needs to talk about what's bottled up inside her.

[Allison Wunderland]

If we're gonna "fix" --

Let's work to fix a culture that recognizes F and M, nothing in between. Just because I don't like this gender pole, doesn't make the other pole a necessarily better fit.

[Paige]

It may be best for her to not speak of it around her parents because it appears she will not receive help form them, but do your best to be a friend and continue to listen to her when she needs to talk about what's bottled up inside her.

As Dena said just listening is probably the best thing you can do.  You don't have to have the answers, for her to have a caring person to talk with about this is probably the most important thing.  She's lucky to have a friend like you.

Paige

[Allison Wunderland]

As Dena said just listening is probably the best thing you can do.  You don't have to have the answers, for her to have a caring person to talk with about this is probably the most important thing.  She's lucky to have a friend like you.

Paige

Let them know you love them, love THEM -- no matter what. I don't get held enough. My true friends hold me, comfort . . . Gender is who we are, how we present to others. Complex, anxious state if a bad fit.

[Aazhie]

I think the best you can do is reassure her there is nothing wrong with her and that she should not pretend.  However, if her parents are supporting her financially, she would do best keeping her one night stands on the down low as best as she can.  It's hard to be in that position, but if she's in school, she can kind of use that as an excuse... "can't date that boy... too busy studying," but also actually do that too... study hard, do well, prepare herself for getting independant from them as fast as she can!  It does get a little easier, but she may have to endure and lay low until she can be a real adult and take care of herself.

You seem to be doing a really good job, just try to make it clear she can talk to you and try to be sensitive to her when you do discuss these things.  It's a rough place to be.  However, she can choose to 'not choose' right at this moment and just focus on getting her schooling over with. I had to wait until I was very financially secure before I was comfortable telling my parents I was trans, but I would have been okay because they couldn't cut me off or take away the car that I was borrowing (it had been transferred to my name).  It worked out fine, just sometimes it does not and it would suck if she lost out on college or anything that could help her out!