Today I went out the door, in the car and down the road...

[abd789]

...and went at least 25 miles, chickened out on going into convenient store, even though I had to pee.

I then drove another couple miles, pulled over and removed my hair band and installed a bandana, kind where the hair hangs out the rear top, rather than bottom back... ? more girly to me... anyway

then I drove 2 more miles and changed shirts to a thick oversize guy shirt (but left my bra on)
I also ditched my flip flops for a pair of guy sneakers.... ( :'(my toes are so pretty ATM)

I kept my girl jeans on because I discovered stretchy jeans a while back  WTF are these not for men also... ?
anyway Ive been wearing those daily for the last month...

so I still had my makeup on, the bottom of my hair is super big round curls but I prevailed through a shopping session at a favorite clothes discount store. But when we left there, the bra came off. Wife said you couldnt see it through my shirt, but I could once in a while in mirrors...

thats my day in a nutshell, didnt help that I felt bloated all day and trying on clothes... uh uh

please tell me this gets better and I wont fear the outside one day.... its so exhilarating, yet scary all wrapped into one

Ive gotten comfy wearing girl jeans, colorful bandanas, pink, teal, purple... jewerly, bracelettes, bubble gum glitter nail polish  ......eye makeup... sometimes foundation... I also dont worry about smelling good or pretty anymore

My concerns are hair... I have long beautiful hair, dark blonde, yet the top is fading well. I also am nerved by my size, I was a somewhat large man, was pretty overweight but lost alot ( yet I have dysphoria over that as well)

however, Im still big

and here is a weird one, I dont look like my father, somewhat my mom though. So once in while when Im made up and things are great... I will look in the mirror and see my father in my face... sometimes my mother... that trips me out and is somewhat a downer

Ok, Im going to take a breath for now, thanks for reading!

[jessica32]

I get that too where somedays I think I look kinda female then others I stress about how masculine I look I think that is part of dysphoria

[Ms Grace]

Yes, it can get better - and often it happens fairly quickly. Once you are over your fears and your confidence improves it's usually full steam ahead.

My third time out in girl mode was my first time with significant social/public interaction. The first couple of times were practice runs by comparison. I arrived at the event (a friend's art show) and found it packed with people. I panicked and almost decided not to go in... I knew that if I didn't it would have made me feel very depressed and disappointed in myself. But I was terrified. Still, I gave it a go... walked in and ended up having a fantastic evening. Sometimes it is about knowing what your fears are, what's safe and what's not, where your boundaries are... and sometimes it's about biting the bullet. If you find a big trip feels too intimidating maybe try something a bit smaller in scale and then work up to the larger outing. Hope it goes well for you!!

[abd789]

I did get laughed at by 2 girls, and I use that term loosely

one was very butch and the other had a large amount of goatee stubble... strange that they would giggle at me

it was very evident it was at me, but that didnt really bother me, at least not like I thought it would

Ill forge ahead, a little encouragement goes a long way

thanks

[Cindy]

good on you Rita!

Well done!

You know something, those who laugh, look in a mirror and weep.

Be strong Sis

Cindy

[ChiGirl]

Proud of you, Rita.  Your story reminds me of me.

Last night I was coming home from a meeting and found our my wife had guests over. So I changed shirts, removed my makeup, and kept on my girl jeans.  I pull into the garage and realize I still have my bra on!  Felt so natural.

I'm still so scared to be out and dressed.  So I admire your courage.  Hugs!

Charlotte

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

[Rachel]

Congratulations

In Philly there is a gayborhood which is super safe to express so if there is a LGBTI safe area in your city then that is a great place to express. Also, group is a great place to express and then go out after to a diner with friends. The gym I go to is LGBTI and there are trans there so it is a really an inspiring place.

[KristinaM]

I remember back before I started hormones, I got dressed up, got in the car and drove around a bit, then chickened out and drove home again.  I felt like a failure.

Since then though, I've started hormones and gotten more comfortable by going out with a girlfriend.  We went shopping, which was terrifying, then to dinner which was a bit easier, but not much.  Later on, I went over to her house with a bunch of other girls and we just played games for a few hours.  I eventually forgot about "passing" and was just myself, and everyone was so great.  Eventually we went out for more shopping, lunch, dinner, hangout sessions and so on, and now I am perfectly comfortable.

Except for the one time I ran into my boss at work while I was out as Kristina one weekend.  How in the heck we both decided to visit the same store at the same time I will never know, but I was able to duck away and he never brought it up at work, so maybe he didn't recognize me, or prefers to not confront me about it.  He's pretty conservative and the whole thing kinda makes him very uncomfortable I think, lol.

Another thing that helped, was going to therapy en femme.  I am totally free to be myself there as well with no judgments for an hour or so.  I change in the car on the way there and after leaving since I have to be at work the rest of the day.

Good luck to you.  Like anything, practice makes perfect!

[Michelle G]

I actually just get back from running a couple errands in a new outfit I got for my birthday this week

I draw the line at going to Home Depot in girl mode in this redneck country town though

[Dena]

WOW, what a body

[iKate]

It does in fact get better. At one point I just forced myself to power through my fear and it was fine. I got clocked a few times yes but that is way in the rear view mirror now.

[KristinaM]

I actually just get back from running a couple errands in a new outfit I got for my birthday this week

I draw the line at going to Home Depot in girl mode in this redneck country town though

Awww, what a cute skirt. I need one! :-D We have similar body types it looks like too. :-D

[Evelyn Ivy StaMaria]

Gosh I remember my first time going out. Was really scary for me i felt like just dropping dead right then. Somehow I managed to keep  on walking and bought a couple of stuff too. Soon things got better. Started going out more the  hormones were doing their work and I felt good. Get some whistles here and there too XD. Sometimes all it takes to feel that happiness is taking the first step. There was a saying I saw somewhere, it went: The journey of a thousand steps, no matter what you do? Always starts with the first step. Best of luck with your journey! You go girl!

[barbie]

I did get laughed at by 2 girls, and I use that term loosely

one was very butch and the other had a large amount of goatee stubble... strange that they would giggle at me

it was very evident it was at me, but that didnt really bother me, at least not like I thought it would

Ill forge ahead, a little encouragement goes a long way

thanks

It can sometimes happen. Be confident, and nobody will ever laugh at you again.
You have nothing to fear or hide.

barbie~~

[Michelle G]

Awww, what a cute skirt. I need one! :-D We have similar body types it looks like too. :-D

  Thank you Kristina .

WOW, what a body

Thanx Dena, my lovely spouse gives me frowney face looks all the time and says "not fair"

[Traci New]

I remember my first time out fully dressed in fem. I went to a fast food drive thru then drove around for awhile.Then stopped at a beach, but it was getting dark and i was alone there.  Scared but it was a good time when i finally got comfortable.