Question for gay/bi/pan FTMs

[November Fox]

Hey guys,

I consider myself pansexual, but most of the time, I like men. I've just been noticing that over the past year I've become interested in some women, as well.

The thing is that I have a lot of experience as a straight girl who likes guys but no experience as a gay man who likes guys and I don't know how to approach it. Now, every time I see a cute guy, I think "wow, if he knew I liked him, he'd totally judge me and probably not want to be with me".

It's like in my mind, I feel that all men are straight, simply because as a chick, I dealt with men who were straight (or bi). I have no idea how to even "recognize" it when a male has genuine interest in me as male. Maybe it's too early as well, since I'm pre-everything, but I pass most of the time as male.

Yeah I am not even really sure what my question is.
Just wondering if any of you had a similar mindset before transitioning, and whether that changed after a while.

[veniamviam]

I'm gay, and I have absolutely no idea how to tell when guys are interested in me. Ironically, I can only tell that someone's flirting with me if they're a girl or if they tell me directly. I'm obtuse about that kind of thing Somehow I've still managed this whole 'dating' thing (rather successfully, currently) because other guys have stepped up and done something about them being into me. I can usually tell who the queer fellows near me are, but as I spend most of my time in the queer space at my university, that's pretty easy for me. The trans thing's been a major non-issue for me, as I'm as stealth as possible, but from my perspective as a very gay man:

Try to be casual if you want to approach a guy whose orientation you aren't sure of. Talk to him like a buddy first. If he's interested, it'll be pretty much the same as a guy who was interested in you pre-transition. If he's not interested, subtlety is key because it could turn out... well, poorly. If you are pretty sure he's into guys, you can be pretty direct if you want to be. There's no worry of insulting a man who's into men by insinuating that he might be into men, y'know?

I'll say that I try to think of everyone as bi until proven otherwise. It helps my confidence if I wanna chat up a guy (because if nothing else, a bi guy is less likely to reject me based on the whole trans thing than a gay one who's stereotypically scared of my genitals).

[Aazhie]

I JUST SAW PAN IN THE TITLE AND GOT EXCITED!!

Honestly, most of the people I flirt with (almost everyone ;/ ) are straight people of some sort, but the ones I'd seriously consider touching faces with are all pretty crazy pan/bi.  Gay/bi guys can be jerks just as much as straight dudes, but in my experience, they are way more likely to just say if they are or aren't interested.  If you can handle it, it's okay to ask if they have dropped the gay/bi line already.  If you aren't sure, just being friendly and cool can be enough.  I always like to ask, "So, girlfriend, boyfriend?" at some point so they can have a pretty clear option of opting out.  This works fine for ladies too but generally I am a little sensitive to approaching girls so openly.  I was always hit on by straight guys pre-T and it was usually annoying and stressful to feel like I had a target on me.  If a guy could bother to get to know me and then casually ask about my status I would be happy to tell them I had a BF and would still be okay talking with them if they didn't act all weird or disappointed.

I think I prefer to think of flirting as a fun thing in itself, not just the first step to more.  I guess it makes it easier to keep being friendly if I am not expecting follow up, but it's a plus if they are interested!  If you plan on using your approaches as practice and potential for making a friend, it can help you get more used to bringing the subject up?  Man this stuff is hard XD

[November Fox]

I think I can more or less catch on when anyone is flirting with me, although I tend to be the one making a move. I guess I'm just unsure how exactly to make moves on people now Getting into the queer space seems like a good idea, that way I can sort of get used to that world and explore it without having to be too forward.

I sure wish everybody was pan. It would make things a lot more relaxed  I can totally relate to the feeling of having a target on you, it was one of the things I hated most about my female exterior. There's a probability that I put too much weight on all this because it's new. Just talking to find out hadn't even occurred to me.

[graspthesanity]

My sexuality kind of either was hiding away from me or was fluid through out my life. I thought I was a straight woman first, then bisexual, then lesbian, then I thought I was attracted to men when male and female when female (I thought myself genderfluid for a while) and then I realized that I was gay. To me everyone clicked and started making sense to be very honest, because all my previous boyfriends were... well, they all had gay rumors about them and whatnot. So I just see myself as a man attracted to other men, but this is after quite a rollercoaster journey and I think it's different for everyone.

When it comes to your experience I think that it's still a journey to accept yourself as male, so until that happens your sexuality and feelings of it will be different:)