Quote from: Missy D on October 18, 2015, 04:28:26 PM
I don't really know what to say here - but to be fair the first bit of that is correct. I've been treated as 'female' for want of a better word for much of my life. Even when people haven't known. Now I get treated, by and large, as explicitly female. Which makes a lot more sense - and I haven't been attacked, assaulted or abused by men for a while now. Yay!!!! 
I'll leave groping out. That's happened, along with unpleasant sexual comments and objectification, guilt tripping and whatever. But it's what I have to deal with as me, rather than as a plastic boy.
Trouble is that male privilege, the thing I don't have, is presumably quite hard to give up? It looks awesome to an outsider - y'know all that sharing guy stuff and boy's nights and pulling birds and whatever they do. I suppose bits of it are fun!
I don't want to try and sound exclusive here - because I'm not at all - but I think the whole business of wanting to transition to a female role is to take on the full lot of being a woman. It's just what I think. Unfortunately being a woman isn't as good as being a man - in a patriarchal society - so I also think it's important to look at aspects of feminism and female empowerment to at least get even with men. I've possibly had different experiences - like being expected to fetch a junior (male) work colleague's tea!! Hilarious - but that's male privilege for you.
But then part of the female role does entail giving up male privilege. I've noticed this strongly in social groups; almost as an unconscious thing. I don't get treated the same any more. With strangers and at work I was always being talked over and contradicted and whatever but now that even seems to happen with male acquaintances who I know aren't even doing it on purpose. 
So what does this mean? A successful transition - to be seen and treated as a woman - comes with the heavy price (for some) of a class and social status downgrade. Those who have been through it know about it and you'll possibly have that joy to come.
Or there's always the other side, remaining in the male role? I mean, to be really harsh sounding and I don't mean to be at all, your friend was probs. thinking about that when she said you wouldn't know about having the female mentality. It's completely true - there's a completely different set of expectations and whatever over here. Even simple stuff like when a random old man comes up and starts flirting with you when all you want to do is get a coffee!! Do you know what to do when that happens? I wasn't expecting it lol Sort of had to slip into my least appealing Eliza Doolittle voice and be nice to him. At which point the pensioner was like OMG she's common and scuttled off. I am, but that's beside the point. Everyone's different - but to really know what it is to be a woman does entail living socially as one, in my opinion. About 90% of it is lovely. I wouldn't give it up for anything. 10% is negative interactions with men - but I had those in greater numbers without the nice bits pre-transition. Also it allows you to fit into girl groups properly, and it sort of helps them out too! They were accepting right at the start of this - but now I'm living as one of them I feel the bonds have got stronger.
And it's like I do think we need to have a commitment to some practical representation of transgender or transsexual (I prefer the latter! I'm not changing my gender but I would like to alter some bits of my body 
) And to be female you have to let go of what is potentially good for you about living as male. I understand that you might not think it's clothes or hair or some other thing that makes a woman. It's not!! Very unfortunately we get made by social conditioning and treatment. And going round with a beard is straight away going to put you firmly back in guy-town. At least socially. It doesn't mean you aren't trans - but some people are going to see it as a delaying move - holding fast to that which is male for as long as possible. Plus what's the point in going through it at all otherwise? There's always non-binary for that. But I think if you truly consider yourself to have a gender, then you've got to make a commitment to that gender.
And part of that commitment is to take on everything that it means to be female - in part giving up the male markers.
Sorry for the essay - none of this is easy but it's like the one thing I've got strong feelings about. You've got to be a strong person, it takes courage to do this and you'll get there. Only, for me, it wasn't going to happen with a thin male mask on.
Missy xx
p.s. Laser is better than electrolysis
I agree with much of this.
When someone says one who lives as male doesn't know what it is like to be female I don't hear your not female. I hear you can't understand the burden of the role. The loss of privilege. That shared female experience that helps all females bond as much as we do. That sense of a common struggle.
These are nuanced points.
For example. The beard. Does the beard matter? No. The ultimate truth is superficial things are superficial. However, appearance is communication. It tells others things about us we want them to know. Fashion, posture, expression, hygiene communicate huge amounts about us. That is the point of presentation.
For if presentation were not important to transition then what is the point of transition?
If someone said to me I feel dysphoria. I currently only wear panties to come. I notice that person has a beard. I would first say. Shave. Beards are masculine, and perhaps that would help.
If I got a response that. That is just superficial and doesn't matter, then I would be confused. Why do panties matter? They are superficial too.
I don't have answers, and yes the community can discriminate.
