Has anyone chosen to come out to their partner/spouse in couples therapy?

[Claire]

Hello everyone
I'm just starting to try and work this issue out. I have a traditional therapist and we have been discussing getting a gender therapist and I think I am fast approaching needing to tell my wife. I've been wondering if the best place to tell her couples therapy. Other than this issue there is nothing major that we would need to go to one. I don't want to tell tell her without her having some support and thought a couples therapy session would be a good place. I worry either way I will freak her out. Has anyone done it this way or have any thought on the subject? I've only come out to one friend and of course I picked the one person that I thought would understand. He is gay and understands. Of course this doesn't upend his life.
I could use some advice. Thank you all ahead of time.

[Paige]

Hello everyone
I'm just starting to try and work this issue out. I have a traditional therapist and we have been discussing getting a gender therapist and I think I am fast approaching needing to tell my wife. I've been wondering if the best place to tell her couples therapy. Other than this issue there is nothing major that we would need to go to one. I don't want to tell tell her without her having some support and thought a couples therapy session would be a good place. I worry either way I will freak her out. Has anyone done it this way or have any thought on the subject? I've only come out to one friend and of course I picked the one person that I thought would understand. He is gay and understands. Of course this doesn't upend his life.
I could use some advice. Thank you all ahead of time.

Hi Dori,

I don't think it's easy any way you come out to your wife.   She may welcome the support from a couples therapist if she's known the therapist for a while, but if you're just starting couples therapy, she may resent you telling her in front of a stranger.

Have you any idea of what your wife thinks of transgender people in general?   Has she ever expressed to you that she may be bi-sexual?  This might give you a better idea of how she would react?

Good luck,
Paige

[Claire]

She feels trans people are all a bit weird, even though we both work in NYC and there is obviously a wide range of people. She hasn't been exposed to much on tv and that is my fault because I have actively steered us away from programs like Trans Parent and I am Cait because it would open things up for me. That in retrospect was a mistake. We can see them on demand and that may be something I should try. Thank you for the advice.


Dori.