When passing no longer involves effort

[Obfuskatie]

There are essentially 2 ways to get where you are.. One is that everything has come together for you and it's turned out well enough that no one second guesses you any more. The second is that somewhere along the way, you just give up giving a sheep what other people think about certain things.

You seem to have taken the 1st route.. I took the 2nd, in fact, I took it several years ago. I thought it was great that I was finally just living the life of a woman, but you don't appear to be so sure about it.

About a month ago I stopped giving a sheep. It's such a huge relief to not worry all the time about stuff I can't control.


     Hugs,
- Katie
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[Northern Jane]

There (should) come a point where you are no longer "passing" but simply "BEING" and that's the point where your mind realizes that you ARE female/woman (assuming MtF) and have nothing to prove.

(For me that point came shortly after GCS.)

[Dee Marshall]

So true, Jane, although that point can come and go at first. I hit the point, from time to time,where I'm a confident woman, comfortable with who I am, but I'm still easily knocked off the rails. It's the old "people, places, and things" problem. I'm very glad (and a little jealous) that Kate has reached that point. Cheers for you, Kate! You put in the work and deserve your success!

[iKate]

Maybe there is a tendency for us to overthink passing and more likely early in transition.For me,I totally didnt pass pre FFS.That changed my life to the point where I rarely think about it.

Exactly. I don't. It just fell into place as time went on.

For me it was VFS but also getting into the groove of things and time on HRT.

[iKate]

One thing I now have to deal with is the opposite of being stealth. Since I pass all the time, people assume I'm married to a man (because I have kids). What's worse is that some who know only the current presentation assume my old self is my husband. I just spill the beans there and then and that kind of gets shock, red faces and an occasional "meh." I am very open among some groups of people where I am trying to foster diversity and tolerance and I don't actively hide it anyway.

[KittyKat]

One thing I now have to deal with is the opposite of being stealth. Since I pass all the time, people assume I'm married to a man (because I have kids). What's worse is that some who know only the current presentation assume my old self is my husband. I just spill the beans there and then and that kind of gets shock, red faces and an occasional "meh." I am very open among some groups of people where I am trying to foster diversity and tolerance and I don't actively hide it anyway.

I've self outed myself a few times because it got super awkward when other moms were asking questions about what my son's dad did or how was he involved in his life when I tell them I'm single and they see me at the park or other place with my son. The following conversation when I say I'm his dad usually goes "I now you're both parents, but his biological dad, where is he?" and I have to be blunt and say I'm transgender and his biological dad and his mom is a workaholic. She also made him call me daddy for so long that I can't get him to call me anything else, but he's only 3 and I'm hoping when he's older that will change.