I hate being in the closet. :(

[Espeon1990]

For some us, coming out is almost an impossibility due to our life situations. I know for a fact I would become homeless if I came out to my boyfriend. He's a hardcore conservative and he's homophobic. There's no way he would accept me for being who I am, so it's not okay for me to come out at this time without the risk of ending up on the streets. Unfortunately I don't have family to take me in either so I'm forced to live in closet. It's horrible. I daydream about my ideal life as a Trans Guy almost every day and I want to cry sometimes because I HATE living this false shell of a life. I hate having breasts, I hate being female. How do those of you who are forced to live in closet deal with this? I try to dress in guys T-shirts, jeans and underwear as much as I possibly can. It really helps. I also watch a lot of ftm videos on youtube to encourage me. I'm in the weeds you guys, this is really hard. 🙁

[Chrissy5946]

How about support groups in your area?
Can you sneak away to attend these?
Seek out others like you and friend them, they will support you and make you feel better.
Keep thinking foward and positive, you deserve to be happy.

[Ms Grace]

...my boyfriend. He's a hardcore conservative and he's homophobic. There's no way he would accept me for being who I am, so it's not okay for me to come out at this time...

That's fair enough, but do you want to stay with this guy? It sounds like he'd never accept you. Perhaps the first step is finding new stable accommodation before you make decisions about him and possibly transitioning. I know it is difficult, but if your life circumstances are holding you back and making you miserable what can you do to change those circumstances?

[Espeon1990]

You know, I never really thought about support groups until you mentioned it. Looks like there are a couple in my area. Thanks for the advice. This place is almost like a support group to me but it would be nice to talk about trans issues IRL.

[Espeon1990]

Ms Grace, it's a long story but basically I wound up with this guy after surfing couches. Both of my parents passed away when I was young and I just kind of landed in situation. I work minimum wage so there's no way I'd be able to support myself without him. After coming out to one of my friends he offered to let me room with him for a little while but the only problem is that me and my bf have a dog together and I really don't wan't to leave her. So basically, my life is hell in hand basket right now.

[Dena]

Sometimes transitioning is a long term affair. Mine sure was. You need to work on changing your life so you don't have to rely on another person. If this means night school or some form on industrial school you need to make the time and do it. Check with your high school and community college to see what programs may be available to you. Once you can live independently from your bf you will be able to do what you want in life. The other option is you might meet somebody through the support group that you could be just roommates with and share the rent. I had a friend I did this with for many years and it help me put money away for retirement. It won't be easy or fast but there is more than one way out of the trap you currently are in.

[Espeon1990]

I know it's going to be a long hard road if I make this decision. My friend who is willing to take me in a Trans ally. His sister is mtf so he accepted me immediately. I've been on my own before so I know what it's like but I just don't want to leave my puppy.   Yet at the same time I just can't live this "comfortable" life anymore because my dysphoria seems to be getting worse everyday. Its driving me nuts. Sometimes I rather be poor or homeless than be "female." Wish me luck guys/girls and everyone in between, I feel like I'm going to be making this decision sometime soon. This just really sucks.

[Kylie1]

Espeon 1990,
Ms Grace and Dena have very good points.
   Just as an old person to a young person, staying in a relationship with someone you are certain will not take you for who you exactly are is torture.  I've lived it.  Focus on your future stability and the steps to self reliance.  If your bf is a reasonable human being he will let you see the dog.  He may have a hidden feminine side that he doesn't express.  You may see him for something he isn't.  People project facades all day every day.  Some people are exactly who they are inside, and others are portraying what they think they should be or what society has told them to be.  Having an open conversation with him, may reveal he's not who you think he is.  You know his inner thoughts like he knows your inner thoughts.

[Sophieraven]

Espeon, If your dysphoria is getting worse then it looks like the decision is made for you. If the person you are with won't be able to except you for what you are then they are not the right person and to stay in that situation is really just a lie to both of you. Take the Puppy and find a new path for you both. Wish i could be of more help.
Good luck to you whatever you do, and remember there are always plenty of us on here to give you support and help if you need us.
Sophie

[garywymer2015]

Hello why dont u come out

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[FTMax]

It's tough, but don't let circumstances get in the way of living the life you want. See if you can find some additional seasonal work that would bring in extra money. I know a ton of places around here are hiring.

It doesn't sound like you want to stay with your boyfriend in the long term, so I honestly wouldn't worry about ever coming out to him. Just save up some money, see if you can connect with some other trans folks in the mean time. You may luck out and find someone in a similar situation that you could consider rooming with. Save as much of your paychecks as you can, and work towards the goal of having enough to get another place to stay. It doesn't sound like you're happy where you are, and your life is basically on hold until you can leave.