I wish I could find my way back

[Jin]

Remember Moses had to wait 40 years for his call too. God is still there with you, keep your heart open and He will speak to you when the time is right. We do not always get what we want, but He gives us what we need. Often we do not know or understand why we need something.
Jesus has been waiting 2000 years for us, we need to wait a bit longer for him
Jin

[Brandon]

Remember Moses had to wait 40 years for his call too. God is still there with you, keep your heart open and He will speak to you when the time is right. We do not always get what we want, but He gives us what we need. Often we do not know or understand why we need something.
Jesus has been waiting 2000 years for us, we need to wait a bit longer for him
Jin

^^This

[Deborah]

Hi Del and Sophie,

I wanted to reply to both of you at the same time as your posts gave me so much to consider.  My reply is delayed only because I was left with everything bouncing back and forth in my mind for a few days and I wanted these thoughts to settle in one place or the other before I responded.  They finally have settled so here we go.

Your words have cracked open the stone that was encircling my heart leaving a path for me to find some way back.  Thank you for that.  In thinking about it all I find that for me there are two stumbling blocks.  The first one Del addressed very well and that was the venom that flows out of so many Christian's mouths these days.  I'm happy you didn't give me the usual answer, "they aren't real Christians,"  because whenever I hear that my mind shuts down and I think the other person doesn't have a very deep understanding of either the issue or faith in general.  I am putting this one to rest then which as a side effect might help me to not post some things as I have in the past that tend to get me in trouble around here.  Coincidentally, I was browsing one of my books this morning and came across this quote which reinforces your points rather well.


Now the second stumbling block is the bigger one and I sense that we may not all agree.  That is the whole issue surrounding being transgender.  I did say that when my faith was simpler I felt a strong connection but once the simplicity was lost that connection was lost also.  I think that what I meant was that over time the "confession of sins" we said corporately every Sunday became very real to me.  In those times I also simply accepted what the Church said was true and where I found conflict I simply accepted I was wrong.  For many years I would dutifully confess my sins and included in that was the fact of being transgender.  I told myself that this really would be the time that I beat it or that God would finally beat it for me.  I really would beat it too.  Sometimes even for a few days but like everyone else that's ever been in this position, it always returned with a vengence.  So, what this confession became was the weekly occasion to stand before God and tell him a bold faced lie.  I knew I wasn't going to beat it and after more than 40 years it was evident that God wasn't going to beat it for me either.  Now this was particularly serious in my mind because the whole confession was connected to the Eucharist which as a Catholic I believed was very real.  This scripture burned in my mind.

1 Co 11:27–32 Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord. Let a man examine himself, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For any one who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment upon himself. That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. But if we judged ourselves truly, we should not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are chastened so that we may not be condemned along with the world.

This remains a huge stumbling block if I continue to believe what the Church says about me is true.  And I don't believe that at all.  I believe they are intentionally blinding themselves to facts in order to preserve a piece of theology that is not even stated anywhere in the scriptures in the way they interpret it.  I want to expand on this a bit to try and communicate my rationale.

Clearly, according to the scriptures God judges actions and misdeeds, but more importantly he judges the heart, or what is in the mind.  To paraphrase C.S. Lewis, one will be very surprised at who is in heaven and even more surprised at who is not.  The Church, and in this I include all of them with this teaching, says that this is a sin like all others and is simply something from which we must repent.  This means that whatever action or evil thought we have must be put aside, that we must be sorry for that action or thought, and that we must not do it again.

For a truly transsexual person this is an impossible thing to do and beyond that doesn't even make any sense.  This is not something we think, nor is it something we do.  It is what we are regardless of what act might come out of it.  For us it is an ontological fact and medical science seems to support that view.  When someone says I must repent of this all I can think is how can I possibly repent of myself!  It would be like telling a person born blind they must repent of being blind for if they don't they will be judged for the fire. 

The common refrain flowing from all that is to "Hate the sin but love the sinner."  So the Church says God loves us but hates the sin.  Given what I said above, how can this possibly have any meaning?  The sin is Me.  The message then might be translated as God hates Me but loves Me.  This so blatantly violates logic as to be cast aside as pure nonsense.  But this is the message we hear.  So I am left with the conclusion that the Church(s) are wrong about something that really isn't even that complicated IF they were to really examine the issue and not approach it with preconceived notions and a mindset for preserving some tradition.

I do not believe this, but the alternative is that we all really are mentally deficient in some fashion.  This does not absolve the Church(s) and in fact leaves them worse off than if they were wrong.  For where is justice in constantly mocking, belittling, and condemning the mentally deficient?  The answer is simple.  There is no justice there.  All we see is pride, arrogance, and wrath.

Regardless of which of the above is true, what is it the Church(s) tell us to do?  They say to pray, which doesn't work for this.  They say to just live with it which leads to depression and suicidal ideation.  Is that what God wants?  They hand out such platitudes as "this is your cross to bear."  They say we should get treatment while denying the only possible treatment that any doctor has ever seen work.  Is that the mind of God?  I don't think so.  But if it is then I would rather spend eternity in hell than one minute with such a twisted being.  Anyway, I don't think it is the mind of God at all which leaves a huge question mark over what "Holy Spirit" is guiding all these Churches.

So I am left with unabashedly rejecting the Church but desiring God.  I'll try and see where that leads.  Actually I have been trying for a while but deliberately void of any "Christian" content.  That doesn't work for me very well for a variety of reasons but mainly because it feels like I'm just making things up.  Anyway, thank you again for your kind words before.  They have helped me.

[sophieschoice]

Hi Deborah.

Thank you so much for your in depth explanation.
Sorry for the late response, been away.

Coincidentally, I was browsing one of my books this morning and came across this quote which reinforces your points rather well.

Was it coincidence, I wonder.
The "church" whatever branch/denomination is at the end of the day just a collection of like minded people.
That is not intended to denounce the church, but sometimes they can get too caught up with legalism, and in doing so loose the Spirit.

I attend a local church that currently is very Spirit filled and growing, the Sunday is only a small part of what my church is about, it is very much community based.
So I feel blessed to have found it.

Try not to give up on "church"

So I am left with unabashedly rejecting the Church but desiring God.  I'll try and see where that leads.  Actually I have been trying for a while but deliberately void of any "Christian" content.  That doesn't work for me very well for a variety of reasons but mainly because it feels like I'm just making things up

I do understand this, and we do need to meet and share with others.
I think your are taking some really positive steps.
Try not to get too caught up in legalism and just enjoy the companionship of the Holy Spirit.
Look for the little miracles, or "coincidences", they do happen.

You could always start your own church! A group of like-minded Christians sharing, loving each other and worshiping our God together.

The CS Lewis quote is something that crosses my mind every now and then.
Today I was wondering how would I handle it when this body dies and I then meet those whom He has welcomed and yet society even church rejected as not worthy for one reason or another.

Neither of us are worthy for so many reasons, I feel very confident that being trans is not one of those reason, perhaps what we do as trans though is.

For me I just try  to do the next right thing.

I was pleased to read your post, it came across as positive.

Sophie.

[Deborah]

Sin in the New Testament context is literally translated as "missing the mark."  That is failing to live up to what Christ has defined as "right" conduct.

The Church, Evangelical and Catholic, say that receiving treatment for gender dysphoria in the form of HRT or surgeries is sin.  They both say the correct course is to just "suck it up."

However, in my case I am taking HRT at present and that treatment, which they define as sin, has allowed me to put aside some things that actually are sin in my mind.  If I were to stop HRT I have no doubt that I would turn back to those things because of the restored dysphoria.

I feel absolutely no guilt for being trans nor do I feel any guilt for treating it in the only way that medical science found to work.

I know beyond any doubt at all that those teachers of the Church are wrong.  Yet they claim the guidance of the Holy Spirit in telling me what I do is sin. 

So what I conclude is that the Churches are in fact not a place where you can find the Spirit of God.  The only thing there is the spirit of delusional self righteous arrogance with people, like Old Testament prophets, claiming to speak for God.  Maybe once upon a time it was different. 

But having said all that, I have separated my faith entirely from any Church to the point that I don't care what label is on me.  Call me Christian or call me gnostic heretic.  Either one is fine.

I seek God and I use Christian writings and place my faith in that context.  I am familiar with that and understand it.  So I am somewhat like the ancient desert ascetics, on a solitary path.

Maybe if I lived in a place where 90% of the churches were not Southern Baptist or some other conservative evangelical sect I might seek to rejoin.  But I can't place myself in another congregation that believes with a Godly certainty that I am embodied sin even if they do believe it with a smile on their face.  I did that in the past and it eats away at my soul.


Sapere Aude

[Lady Sarah]

I have been to churches before and after HRT that have put me down. Before, it was for being androgynous, and not fitting what they thought a man should be. After, it was for not singing, while I was working on my voice.

I believe that attending services is not mandatory, especially among those that seek to judge and demonize.

[sophieschoice]

Deborah.
I wish you all the best on your spiritual journey and will be thinking of you too.
I am confident you will find the relationship you are searching for.

My thoughts are just keep it simple and share your life with Jesus.

There are some words in a Leonard Cohen song/poem that resonate very strongly with me and I wish to share them with you.

And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

God Bless Deborah.

[Del]

Deborah,
I have found over the years that many denominational churches must only preach what they are allowed to preach by their governing body. Therefore, they will preach that which fills pews and not that which leads a flock to Christ. Many things are believed which are wrong and many who throw stones point out the mote in their neighbor's eye without seeing the beam in their own.

In like manner famous and rich ministers do likewise. They like so many denominational bodies sway back and forth with whatever is either accepted, popular or brings in money. Not that which is brought forth from the Lord by his Spirit.

I hold small non denominational services where the Holy Ghost leads the entire service. No bowing down to a governing body or having to worry about being replaced as pastor. When I evangelize it is funded by myself. Once again, answering to nobody but the Lord. Unless the Lord tell anyone to come to my services one would never expect to find a chapel. It's small and in the middle of nowhere. It looks so hillbilly the only thing missing is an engine hanging from a tree in the front yard. It truly takes the leading of the Lord for a person to know where it is and recognize it as a chapel.

If and when you seek a place to attend don't judge by the outer appearance. In these last days small bodies of believers are springing up in the most unlikely places. Many are easily overlooked. Trust the Lord to lead you to the right place. Continue to trust and pray and allow his leading.

I am glad to have you as a friend and sister in Christ. I hope that you continue to seek the will of God in all things and have peace within your soul.

May God bless.

[Adena]

I don't have time to write a detailed response right now, but in general I repeatedly receive much needed nourishment for my faith in God from experiencing and thinking on the beauty and awesome intricacy of this world we live in. Depending on the performance of God's followers leads to doubts, pain, and anger. Propitiation is to me a key concept in my faith - I don't get what I deserve, I get a permanent pardon (and yes many of God's "followers" have abused this.) And I believe God can accept me in the here and now while I am full of faults because first of all someone else has paid the price for my "sins" and second of all God has promised to make me into something beautiful and he already sees me as I will be no longer full of the blemishes of my bad choices, not as the wretched person that I still am (but I hope less wretched than I used to be.)

When I cannot see or feel God's presence I look for signs of his greatness and compassion and love. Sometimes I cannot find this in other people, but I always can find it in some part of His creation. That's how over the long-term I manage to keep my faith and draw sustenance from God even when I beaten down by  hate, intolerance, and judgmentalism.

[Deborah]

Hi Dell,

You cannot imagine what you did for me.  All it took was your kind word coming from somebody outside this community, one who isn't obligated to follow the party line, and my anger with God fell away.  With it has mostly fallen away my anger with the churches.  I still feel like they are entirely wrong in this matter.  And I don't understand why people who proclaim themselves to speak for God so easily calumniate those they don't know.  But I am learning to internalize what is contained in this quote from one of my readings today.

He who minds neither praise nor blame possesses great peace of heart and, if his conscience is good, he will easily be contented and at peace.
Praise adds nothing to your holiness, nor does blame take anything from it. You are what you are, and you cannot be said to be better than you are in God's sight. If you consider well what you are within, you will not care what men say about you. They look to appearances but God looks to the heart. They consider the deed but God weighs the motive.

In the end it is they who will have to answer for what they do now.  Perhaps they will be judged with the same exacting standard with which they judge.

I have been doing well the past week and am taking great comfort in reading the psalms everyday.  I have read them many times before but this time it often feels like I am seeing it anew with refreshed understanding.

I want to tell you of an experience I had about 21 years ago.  I think it is really this that made my attempt to become an atheist unsuccessful.  And I was trying really hard too.

I was at a carnival with my family one evening and we were strolling around to different rides for my children.  They were quite small at the time.  My mind was focused on the carnival and on having fun.  All of a sudden it felt as if my reality was altered, sharpened into something quite intense.  This feeling is hard to describe as things looked different, but the same.   The sounds around me dropped away although I do not recall anything replacing them.  The next part is what felt very otherworldly.  I looked at a group of strangers walking nearby and the thought came into my mind, "I love you and I would die for you."  The otherworldly part was that while I was seeing with my own eyes and thinking with my own mind the overwhelming sensation was that I was a bystander experiencing this through Jesus' or the  Holy Spirit's eyes and mind.  Then just as suddenly as it started, it ended.  I had never had that feeling before or since and I am quite unable to duplicate it.  However, I was left with the overpowering desire to go back into that state and stay there forever.

That was my state of pure innocence and then over the years I let theology and doctrine cloud it all over.  So I am returning there with a clean mind.

I read a book a few years ago also that left a big impression.  It was called, "Story of a Soul," by St. Therese of Lisieux.  What she described in her book seemed very much like what I experienced for that one brief instant.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Deborah]

I have been trying to read some psalms every day, although sadly I have not been entirely consistent.  Today psalm 66 rolled around once again and as it does every week, this verse jumped out at me.

May God have mercy on us, and bless us: may he cause the light of his countenance to shine upon us, and may he have mercy on us.
Psalm 66:1

I am finding, since making peace with myself and with God, that reading scripture has taken a new meaning.  Before, I read through the lens of an angry God.  So everything was filtered through an underlying level of fear and trepidation.  Now I see and pray to God as Jesus told us to; as a child would to a loving father.  So when I read psalm 66, I feel the peace and comfort of a child knowing that all will be well.  This is a very new and very good feeling.

[Del]

Deborah,

I'm so happy that you are at peace with the Lord kiddo. It's a blessing to see you posting positive comments and feel that peace just while reading them. The peace which God gives is a blessing that makes so much difference in our faith. Fear and such makes it such a struggle to walk in faith.

I hope you continue to help others here with your words. I truly admire your style of writing (as I am crude of speech) and the eloquence of your wording. Your knowledge of scripture is admirable and can really help others. It's a joy to feel such a joyful spirit with your posts.

Take care sister and may God bless.

Del

[Deborah]

I try to wake up early every morning to read from several books for an hour so so before I get ready for work.  I always try to find at least one thing that has personal meaning to me and I'm making an effort to journal it so that I don't forget.  Right now, things at work are slow so I've got lots of time.  Today there was this.

"I am wretched, as it were imprisoned and weighted down with fetters, until You fill me with the light of Your presence, restore me to liberty, and show me a friendly countenance. Let others seek instead of You whatever they will, but nothing pleases me or will please me but You, my God, my Hope, my everlasting Salvation. I will not be silent, I will not cease praying until Your grace returns to me and You speak inwardly to me, saying: "Behold, I am here. Lo, I have come to you because you have called Me. Your tears and the desire of your soul, your humility and contrition of heart have inclined Me and brought Me to you."
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, 1996), 143.

I thought about this for a while because it seemed as if he was writing it directly to me today. God has been there all along, even when I turned my face away, denying him, and trying to believe that he was not real.  That's kind of an amazing thing.  His love is real and he gives it freely, asking that we in turn give it freely also. 

Then, as it wont to do, my mind began wandering and this scripture came to mind.

Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? Ps 2:1 (KJV)

My desire for God is real and his being with me my entire life has always seemed very real.  But a considerable number of Christians and Christian Institutions want to tell me that it is not real, that God rejects me, that my existence is an affront to God's honor. Using the name of Jesus as a weapon and the Bible as a talisman they rage, like medieval witch burners, that we cannot be allowed to exist. 

But if God chooses to love me and to love you, why do they rage against his will?  If God really does hate me for what I am why doesn't he tell me that himself?  Is God mute?  Is God simply a dusty book? Or is God a Living Spirit that is with us today?   And if he is a Living Spirit then should I listen to the voice of God, or should I listen to the voice of men? I know how I will answer that.

(Thomas à Kempis was a German monk who wrote this book in the 15th century.  I'm finding it to be a very good devotional for daily contemplation.)

[Deborah]

I hope you continue to help others here with your words. I truly admire your style of writing (as I am crude of speech) and the eloquence of your wording. Your knowledge of scripture is admirable and can really help others. It's a joy to feel such a joyful spirit with your posts.

Take care sister and may God bless.

Del

thank you for that kind compliment.  I do like to write and when something inspires me the words just seem to come.  Unfortunately, I can't say the same for public speaking.  I'm not a very good speaker and even with something prepared it never sounds like it feels.

Maybe that's a good thing or I might have more problems with pride than I already have.  That continues to be a work in progress.

[Sno]

Hi Deborah,

I've been stewing on this for a while, and I am saddened that our congregations in Christ have left you feeling this way, (actually I am appalled).

I am a non-conformist Christian. I sit in the odd space between the Congregationalists and the Quakers (although I will freely admit, I am closer to the latter), so I'll apologise now, if this is a little left-field, or contrary to your beliefs - I have tried to condense some of my beliefs below, to try to give some insight into my perspectives.

Rest assured, Christ is with you. Christ is within you, and your seeking of counsel on your journey makes you perfect in His sight. Your belief and faith alone, makes you worthy.

Peace be with you

Sno.



----------------------------------
A little about my faith:

I am a non-conformist Christian.

I believe that we are all made in the divine image, so we are all worthy of Gods love.

I believe that everyone has something to contribute, and Gods word can come to us through anyone (it's often expressed as the Divine Light).

I believe that it is vain to believe that rules, and rituals will make our relationships right with God, none are more Holy, than another. We are all the Lords children, equal and perfect.

Worship isn't necessarily a formula, there is no fixed path to come to the Lord.

If we are following the guidance and learning of the Spirit, then we will receive guidance when we need it to remain on the Lords path (maturity in the practice of faith).

We can worship as one, or ten thousand, our omnipresent God means we can worship on a hill, in woodland, at a desk, on a train, wherever and whenever we feel that we need to, lead by the Spirit. Our worship isn't bound by sanctity of spaces, places, thoughts, words, actions or activities.

We gather as a congregation, simply to be with like minded folk, for support in our personal practice of faith.

We need to slow and listen intently to be able to hear the Lords guidance, and that guidance can come from anywhere.

Jesus isn't the destination, it is the starting point of a journey and a life of faith. Through faith Jesus will be with us at all stages of our life's journey, in whichever direction it takes us, with love.

Our lives are, our witness and testimony, and should reflect well on our congregation.

I believe in simplicity, because that makes living easier, easier living gives us time to reflect, and continue our search for the Lords guidance.

I believe that a gathering of believers is communion, a celebration that we were given such a perfect gift, we are blessed.

[Karlie Ann]

I (was) a conservative Christian until last year, when my wife walked out.  I've spent my whole life trying to be "cured" of my transsexuality.  After she left, I decided to see if it was really me or not...and here I am, a year later, on hormones, and it was all...so easy.  Almost like God smoothed the way.  I don't know if He did or not, but at this point, my beliefs have become open minded enough to think that might be the case.  I know God loves me, no matter what.  I believe in every word of the Apostles' Creed.  Beyond that, I dunno.  I was a believer in the infallibility and inerrancy of the Bible...now I think that it could have been adulterated over the centuries.  So all I can say is my faith in God is still there, my faith in the 'church' is not necessarily what it was.

If this helps!

[Deborah]

Thank you for your thoughts.  This thread has been going on a while now and has turned into a diary of sorts about my faith journey.  I do appreciate what others say here and test my evolving faith beliefs by what you say.

I wrote a lengthy post this morning but then realized it may have been worded too strongly.  I was giving into anger which I'm trying to avoid.  So, I'll try again.  This is not anger but is simply honesty.

To sum up my previous thoughts,
* God is truth.
* Anything that is truth is not opposed to God.
* Anything that is opposed to truth is not of God.
* It is true that I exist.  (The I here refers to the ontological reality of my mind - that is trans)
* Institutional Christianity stridently denies that I exist so is therefore opposed to truth.
* Since institutional Christianity is opposed to truth it is therefore opposed to God.

I won't quote it but John 8:41-47 applies.

Besides trans, I could come up with any number of other examples where modern American Christianity is fighting hard to oppose that which is true.  I won't get into all that as it could encompass an entire book.  Besides, those books are already written.

Because of what I said above I can no longer trust anything the Church proclaims now nor can I trust that anything they have ever proclaimed in the past is true.

However, I have come to a restored faith in God through Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  While this is true my precise beliefs are no longer orthodox because orthodoxy is dependent upon having some faith that the Church has faithfully passed down the "truth".  In earlier times I would have been burned at the stake twice by the Good Christians, once for being trans and then again for being a heretic.  I guess that only the first time would have been painful.

It doesn't really help my attitude a whole lot either when so many self proclaimed Children of God make public their desire to bring back these types of punishments for people like me.  I thank the Internet for this as it has made public that which was before hidden and denied.

I do not claim that my current understanding of God is the "One Truth".  I only claim that it is what enables me to make the connection. 

That's where I am right now.  One day we will find out who was completely "right".  I expect that will be nobody.  I also expect that God will not be pleased with those who erect barriers to him through their own invented "Truths".  I seem to remember Jesus addressing that very issue in his day.  So, we have travelled 2000 years into the future and nothing has changed with the self proclaimed Children of God doing everything in their power to thwart the spiritual unity of mankind with God.

I don't see a point in attending a Church where I am supposed to affirm creeds that I no longer believe. That pretty much includes all Churches.  This seems to me to be dishonest and frankly works against my faith.  Maybe I'm wrong here.   

LOL, this post has turned out longer than the other one.  It's tone is better though.

[becky.rw]

To sum up my previous thoughts,
* God is truth.
* Anything that is truth is not opposed to God.
* Anything that is opposed to truth is not of God.
* It is true that I exist.  (The I here refers to the ontological reality of my mind - that is trans)

* Institutional Christianity stridently denies that I exist so is therefore opposed to truth.
* Since institutional Christianity is opposed to truth it is therefore opposed to God.

Being fully respectful of your much greater experience which I honestly hope to lean on over the next year or two to stay sane...

Could I suggest that maybe the last two aren't as absolutely true as one might conclude?  Now, I am Catholic, so bias might intrude, but I do not believe that the Church or its doctrine denies that you exist.    Rather, there is a conflict of language, of how belief and perception of reality are expressed.    For us laity, we're fast to change both opinion and manner of speech, and vocabulary we use to construct that speech.   For the Church, and in particular the Roman and Orthodox Churches, they are constrained by a slowness of response and an archaic accumulation of vocabulary that makes reconciliation of conversation impossible.     

As Transgender we (I'll boldly presume to include myself) are at the very bleeding, ragged edge of this linguistic adaptation.   We will have long passed on by the time the Church digests the words we use to describe ourselves; even though the intent is benign to begin with.    My mind is without a doubt feminine when not broken by a very inappropriate response to the presence of T.   They don't have a brain fixer device that make the brain like T; but there are plenty of meds that delete the T or prevent it from being psychologically explosive; in the process of fixing this, I will feel more consistent as a person if my body's appearance and mental feel is made more feminine. (and it would be nice if it could be completely fem, though getting from here to there may be impossible).

So, I'm not a victim, I am simply me, and eventually the Church will grasp a correct theological language to describe this, probably in a couple hundred years or so.   

But you definitely exist.  And exist today.

The real problem is not the institutional Church, its a belief that the Church is somehow able to move culture and local/tribal tradition.   That is definitely NOT true, especially on single human lifetime scales.   Culture and tribal tradition vastly overpower anything the Church (or other religious institution of other faiths) might do.  Its not even a fight.   And what's worse, is adherents to a tradition or cultural tenant will, and always have, wrap their cultural preference in any and every extraneous piece of religious language they can as justification, and the harder the stretch, the more intense and strident is the wrapping.

I would instead suggest the following:

* God is truth.
* Anything that is truth is not opposed to God.
* Anything that is opposed to truth is not of God.
* It is true that I exist.  (The I here refers to the ontological reality of my mind - that is trans)

* Western cultural history stridently denies that I exist so is therefore opposed to truth.
* Institutional Christianity sees me, but has no words to address me.
* Western cultural history is therefore opposed to God, but the Church is too weak to aid me.
* The Church, being the Body of Christ, needs its hand to step up, and challenge that which is cruel and ungodly.

In short, we humans like to blame our leaders for our own failings.  Our Western culture of violence and intimidation, hatred and bloodshed, lust and gluttony is what must be challenged and driven out from the Church, all the while offering forgiveness and a safe home to those who might repent.     The Pope is not the problem.  We (laity in general) are.

[Deborah]

I'm Catholic too and when I wrote what I did I was mindful that I might be overstepping a bit.

Where I think my characterization does fit though is the current Church's insistence that my identity is imaginary and not real.  If it is not real then it might as well not exist. 

It is the Church's insistence that the sum total of a human being resides in a few square inches between our legs and not in the the seat of human rationality (the mind) which is the part that is created in the image of God.

It is the Church's insistence that I can pray this away.

Most of all its the Church's silence on the whole matter which leads me to believe that they think if they can ignore it long enough it will go away. 

I would be happy if they would say anything concrete, even if that were negative, rather than the veiled speeches by the Pope that infer we are some grave threat to humanity.

[Adena]

I do not claim that my current understanding of God is the "One Truth".  I only claim that it is what enables me to make the connection. 

That's where I am right now.  One day we will find out who was completely "right".  I expect that will be nobody.  I also expect that God will not be pleased with those who erect barriers to him through their own invented "Truths".  I seem to remember Jesus addressing that very issue in his day.  So, we have travelled 2000 years into the future and nothing has changed with the self proclaimed Children of God doing everything in their power to thwart the spiritual unity of mankind with God.

I don't see a point in attending a Church where I am supposed to affirm creeds that I no longer believe. That pretty much includes all Churches.  This seems to me to be dishonest and frankly works against my faith.  Maybe I'm wrong here.   

LOL, this post has turned out longer than the other one.  It's tone is better though.

This is similar to where I am at now in my thinking. My faith in a God that is good and loving and gracious and compassionate if anything, has strengthened since starting transition. But I cannot deal with the junk that trans people get from church members practicing perverted applications of the Gospel of Love and Grace. If I had kept going to my old church I am pretty sure it would be a pretty unpleasant experience adding significantly to the stress on transitioning. I do not believe that Jesus is pleased with such perversions of His message.  So my trans people have left the church and lost their faith because of such treatment. I can understand why, but their suffering rejection in the church is from gross misapplication of the Christian message by its members and is a failure to
accept people as they are as Jesus so eloquently taught us to do in word and deed.