Hello guys and girls! ^_^ My name is Galyo and I'm a 29 year old (dare I say, man?) from the Netherlands.
For the longest time I knew I was transgender, before I even knew such a term existed. Because I come from a very traditional oriented family however, transgender ideas were quickly mocked and laughed at. My two brothers both have active families of their own, and since I came out a few years ago as being gay, they know that I can never live up to that. Ever since I got into a depression again last week, I hit the point where I don't feel like I want to hide my poor self-esteem and transgender thoughts. Ever since I was a little kid I knew that mentally (and some people would also say 'spiritually') I had more in common with girls, but my oppressive family was in the way and I never talked about this because of it. About a few years ago (2011), I started crossdressing and it was the most liberating thing I have ever experienced, and it was the most fun I had in years, almost coming to the point where I had some self-esteem because of it. Around 2013 I started to take propecia because I noticed my hair getting a bit thinner, which thankfully restored pretty quickly since then.
Then one day my mother came over to visit, and she found my wig and a few other accessorizes, and her reaction is still haunting me to this day. She was so unbelievably negative and discouraging, calling me all sorts of bad things and how she gave birth to a boy and not a girl. It was just around the time I started to do more crossdressing as well, and I didn't know what to do about it. I tried talking to her after the incident about my feelings, but she would just cut the conversation off, or just ignore me altogether (which she normally never does!).
But... Ever since I hit that depression about a week ago, I made up my mind and contacted my doctor. I made an appointment for the next day, and I went there as planned. My body was shaking from being nervous. Just the thought that I would suddenly spot my mother in the waiting area, was just terrifying. It also didn't help that I hadn't slept all night, and since I couldn't eat a lot I was shaking like a straw. Then it was finally my turn and after a lot of twisting and turning I told my doctor how I felt, and I that I wanted to do something about it. I told her I wanted to be a woman. I told her that whenever I see a photograph of myself, I don't recognize the person in the picture as me. I told her that I was sick of being depressed about myself... Sick of not being who I am.
She then told me she would redirect me to a 'genderteam' clinic in Amsterdam, which I'm still eagerly awaiting to receive a letter from! I'm so unbelievably excited about it, and I hope the experience will improve my self-esteem and therefore my life.
Until then, I can only think about what I've read about transitioning on the internet. I thought of a lot of bad 'what if?' scenario's that just haunt my mind for no reason. I feel stupid that I didn't make this decision earlier when I was younger, but at the same time I try to look forward into the future and think of how much happier I will be when I start transitioning. I know that I still have a long road ahead of me, but I have a (male) partner who I love very much and supports me all the way. I also have friends who support me greatly, which filled my heart with joy. The remaining is obstacle is telling my family, which I might do by writing an e-mail. I already wrote a draft, which my partner liked, but I will probably tinker some more with it over time.
This about sums up my entire experience so far. I'm sorry if this story seems like a big mess, because it's kind of a reflection of my life currently... ^_^;
