Getting through the wait

[Galyo]

I'm not sure if this has been discussed in a similar fashion already. I'm sorry if it is, but I'd like to get this off my chest.

I'm really curious how other MTF transgenders are coping with the wait before your first appointment at a clinic. At the start of last week I visited my doctor and came out as transgender to her. She then promised she would an appointment with a genderclinic between then and two weeks. So far I'm obviously super excited to go there, but at the same time a lot of my insecurities and paranoia keep feeding my depression and it's driving me completely nuts.

What if the clinic rejects me?
What if I'm too old? I'm 29 now but who knows when I get to start HRT. I've heard stories about HRT not having a lot of effect the older you get. I know it's probably just my paranoia but I can't get it out of my head.
I have a reasonably high hairline and this also a source of insecurities. I've already been on propecia for a solid two years, and while it worked well my manly looking hairline remains the same. I'm worried that this will never make me pass.

I keep having insomnia because of my depression and these questions that run through my head. I would be really thankful if somebody could relate with some tips or otherwise. I'm sorry about this stupid rant.

[Kayla88]

Well I visited my doctor in January 2014, Had an appointment with local therapist a month or 2 later. Now this is where it sucks, I only saw him once, I needed blood tests and things for going to gender clinic in London(I am from Wales damn it) due to lost bloods, mostly DNA sample. I didn't actually get a referral to the gender clinic till like December 2014. So I finally got an appointment on Nov 16th 2015.

Well I play a lot of video games in my free time which is what gets my mind off of it. Delving into fantasy worlds really helped me pass the time. I also socially transitioned pre-hormones due to the waiting times here.

29 is not too old, I am currently 27, We also have plenty of people on here transitioning at 40 or above and they turned out very well. I do understand your concerns about things but the best way is to find something else to occupy your time.

I would imagine if you explain everything to the therapist then they would not reject you. If they specialise in gender dysphoria then why would they reject you?

[Galyo]

Wow, that's a long waiting time you had. Glad you finally got the appointment though!

Thanks for your comment. My own mind is my worst enemy at this moment. I want this so bad, yet I have to slow down... It's excruciating. I'm glad I'm already on propecia for as long as I am. I hear that propecia is also commonly used as a pre-HRT medicine.

Playing video games sounds like a good way to pass the time. I'm going to try and put my mind to that and see if it helps. I have a Steam account and plenty of games, so I should have plenty to do. ^_^

I don't know why the therapist would reject me, but when I read the folder it says that it's a possibility, and it gave me the shivers. I think I can explain my situation pretty well though... It's probably just going to go fine... I hope. ^_^

Again thanks for the comment... I just need some people to talk to. I have a very loving and understanding BF, but he doesn't know much about transitioning so my best bet was to make a post here.

[SofiN]

I am in the same boat. I was referred around a month ago and don't even know when my appointment is. I'm going to my GP next Friday to ask about it. From what I understand the waiting times here are around 1 year! (UK sadly..)

I'm trying to transition to full time on my own while waiting but without that support it is very difficult. I agree with playing games they do help to distract from the wait.

Best of luck though, before you know it those 2 weeks will be over! I wish it was that quick over here.

[FromAtoZ]

Im  in the same boat.

At the moment im mustering the courage to atleast go out as a female.
I hope my doctor will reffer me straight to the clinic  then it should be a 2 months wait for intake then anoth 2-3 months for diagnostic .

But to pass the time, i play some games  and trying to work on my voice  and my weight

[Maybebaby56]

I'm not sure if this has been discussed in a similar fashion already. I'm sorry if it is, but I'd like to get this off my chest.

I'm really curious how other MTF transgenders are coping with the wait before your first appointment at a clinic. At the start of last week I visited my doctor and came out as transgender to her. She then promised she would an appointment with a genderclinic between then and two weeks. So far I'm obviously super excited to go there, but at the same time a lot of my insecurities and paranoia keep feeding my depression and it's driving me completely nuts.

What if the clinic rejects me?
What if I'm too old? I'm 29 now but who knows when I get to start HRT. I've heard stories about HRT not having a lot of effect the older you get. I know it's probably just my paranoia but I can't get it out of my head.
I have a reasonably high hairline and this also a source of insecurities. I've already been on propecia for a solid two years, and while it worked well my manly looking hairline remains the same. I'm worried that this will never make me pass.

I keep having insomnia because of my depression and these questions that run through my head. I would be really thankful if somebody could relate with some tips or otherwise. I'm sorry about this stupid rant.

Hi Galyo,

Don't apologize, your concerns and feelings are valid.   Deciding to transition is both exhilarating and scary! In my case my first step was to locate a trans-experienced therapist. I wanted someone to talk to, to tell me objectively if my goals were realistic, and to help cope with any mental and emotional stress along the way.  During that time I started electrolysis and laser treatments to get rid of facial hair.  If you can afford it, I would suggest you start as soon as possible.  It is expensive and it takes a long time.  If you plan on RLE before starting HRT it will help with your appearance.

After about a year of seeing a therapist, I got a letter of referral to see an endocrinologist to start hormone therapy.  Some do not require it; informed consent may be sufficient, but my end did, so I was glad I had it.

No, 29 is not too old to transition or take hormones, lol!  I started at 56.   I am not familiar with the NHS system, but I can't imagine a gender identity clinic "rejecting" you.  If you are frustrated with the wait to see a therapist, then start doing little things on your own.  I would suggest instead of video games, start checking out makeup tutorials and practicing your makeup skills, or just start looking at Youtube videos about how other trans girls managed their transition.

Good luck to you!

With kindness,

Terri

[Galyo]

I am in the same boat. I was referred around a month ago and don't even know when my appointment is. I'm going to my GP next Friday to ask about it. From what I understand the waiting times here are around 1 year! (UK sadly..)

I'm trying to transition to full time on my own while waiting but without that support it is very difficult. I agree with playing games they do help to distract from the wait.

Best of luck though, before you know it those 2 weeks will be over! I wish it was that quick over here.

Around a year?? That sounds terrible! I'm from the Netherlands so I'm unaware at the situation in the UK.

The two week waiting period for me is for the screening process. From there on I've been told I have to see the therapist a couple of times before they come to the diagnostic phase (that's where they will either say "no" or "yes" to proceed with HRT).

Best of luck to you too! I know it's incredibly hard without proper support, but that's where forums like these come in!

[Galyo]

Hi Galyo,

Don't apologize, your concerns and feelings are valid.   Deciding to transition is both exhilarating and scary! In my case my first step was to locate a trans-experienced therapist. I wanted someone to talk to, to tell me objectively if my goals were realistic, and to help cope with any mental and emotional stress along the way.  During that time I started electrolysis and laser treatments to get rid of facial hair.  If you can afford it, I would suggest you start as soon as possible.  It is expensive and it takes a long time.  If you plan on RLE before starting HRT it will help with your appearance.

After about a year of seeing a therapist, I got a letter of referral to see an endocrinologist to start hormone therapy.  Some do not require it; informed consent may be sufficient, but my end did, so I was glad I had it.

No, 29 is not too old to transition or take hormones, lol!  I started at 56.   I am not familiar with the NHS system, but I can't imagine a gender identity clinic "rejecting" you.  If you are frustrated with the wait to see a therapist, then start doing little things on your own.  I would suggest instead of video games, start checking out makeup tutorials and practicing your makeup skills, or just start looking at Youtube videos about how other trans girls managed their transition.

Good luck to you!

With kindness,

Terri

Thanks a lot for your kind words and tips, it really helps. I wonder how expensive such a treatment is... I think I'm going to try and visit one of those laser hair removal clinics tomorrow and make an appointment.

[FromAtoZ]

Galyo might i ask what clinic that is in the netherlands.

As im also from the netherlands and only know of the Vumc in amsterdam  and they got a 7 Weeks waiting list for the screening proces

[Galyo]

Galyo might i ask what clinic that is in the netherlands.

As im also from the netherlands and only know of the Vumc in amsterdam  and they got a 7 hour waiting list for the screening proces

Yes, the VUmc in Amsterdam is where I'm going! I think you mean 7 weeks though, not 7 hours.

[FromAtoZ]

yes i do >< i ment 7 weeks  hehe ^^

But you said 2 weeks so wondered if they changed it ^^

[Galyo]

yes i do >< i ment 7 weeks  hehe ^^

But you said 2 weeks so wondered if they changed it ^^

No, you misunderstood, or maybe I just typed it wrong. x3 Between last week and two weeks, my doctor will have made an appointment for me at the VUmc, which will indeed last approx. 7 weeks (according to their website).

[FromAtoZ]

i missunderstood then. sorry

I hope my house doctor makes a appointment there for me to.

[Laurie K]

Perhaps MY wait was not as long as yours, but I waited 18 months to see a gate keeper to have the long chat with so he could rubber stamp me as trans.  Another year to see an endro and another month to get spiro, 2  more months to get estrogen. I went crazy, I felt age reaaly was an issue,  I was 55 when I started the process

I was worried what diminshed effect hormones would have on me with my age, how little life I had left to be a girl. We we all wish we could be ravishing beauties last week, but the thing is it is a long slloow process.  To me,  Transition means process, slow, time consuming. You may hit road  blocks be cause of administration shortfalls or for short term medical reasons. Please be patient It will come.   Huggs

[Galyo]

Perhaps MY wait was not as long as yours, but I waited 18 months to see a gate keeper to have the long chat with so he could rubber stamp me as trans.  Another year to see an endro and another month to get spiro, 2  more months to get estrogen. I went crazy, I felt age reaaly was an issue,  I was 55 when I started the process

I was worried what diminshed effect hormones would have on me with my age, how little life I had left to be a girl. We we all wish we could be ravishing beauties last week, but the thing is it is a long slloow process.  To me,  Transition means process, slow, time consuming. You may hit road  blocks be cause of administration shortfalls or for short term medical reasons. Please be patient It will come.   Huggs

That last part really sums up how I feel at the moment. Thanks for the kind words, you girls are so awesome.

[Galyo]

By the way, Maybebaby56 mentioned the term 'RLE'. I don't think I know what this means, can somebody explain? ^_^;

[Kayla88]

RLE means Real life experience in other words we need to live full-time in our preferred gender roleI. Normally this requires 1 or 2 years before you are allowed lower surgery, which is why I started it before even hormones I want to get this sorted as soon as I can.
Its normally classed as it starts from when you have legally changed your name, atleast here in the UK.

[Galyo]

Hmm. The real life experiences that I have are all about crossdressing. I don't go out crossdressing often, but usually at parties or something where I imagine people wouldn't be as judgmental.

In general I've always hated typical 'male' mannerisms, such as slouching, so I avoid that in my every day life as much as I can (also because it can generate back problems). I already had people 'mistake' me for a woman a number of times, which is great.

[Emjay]

**Take a deeeeeeep breath**

And take comfort in the fact that you are doing something right now to make your situation better:  You have asked for the help you need and that's a HUGE first step just being able to say it out loud to another human being.  Yes, the waiting part stinks I know, but as others have said here already this is a long, slow process.

I wouldn't worry about the clinic rejecting you, if they do they're probably not a clinic you want to use anyway but honestly I would think that no one is going to turn you away if you're being honest with them. 

I started therapy and HRT at 41.  While I'm probably never going to be on the cover of any magazines, I'm thrilled with my results and it has had a huge effect on me.  I'm happy and that's what matters to me.  Everyone is different, but I don't think 29 is too old at all.  You'll do fine!

[Galyo]

Thanks for the comforting words Emjay. I think a lot of my anxiety and stress will fade when the first appointment dates are a fact and written down in my agenda. It really helps to talk to people on this forum who are experienced with their gender dysphoria, and for that I'm very grateful.